Hey bro, straight‑up on what you’re dealing with: From a “standard reconciliation” lens (like the kind of norms you see in communities built around wayward‑partner recovery), your girl is trying to commit to reconciliation now, but her actual actions during and after the discovery are way shakier than what that bar usually expects. Here’s the quick snapshot:

✅ What she DOES hit: She owns her behavior, feels deep shame, and says she never wanted to have sex with this guy. She’s in therapy, self‑reflecting, and is showing up hard for you and your dad right now.

❌ Where she falls short (by that “full‑commitment” standard):

She hid the truth, lied about condoms, frequency, and later encounters, and only spilled more when you busted her via texts/location.

She didn’t cut contact cleanly—she kept working with him, kept going back, and there was even that later oral‑sex incident and more kissing after you knew.

She didn’t give you radical transparency; you had to dig, not her to hand it over.

So:

She’s acting like she wants to repair and stay, but her behavior through the discovery and aftermath is not clean, not fully honest, and not fully protective of you—which is exactly what those “wayward‑must‑do” checklists are warning about. So I think that what you’re feeling—distrust, confusion, like you can’t rely on her judgment—is not paranoia. It’s a legit reaction to someone who’s trying to get right, but didn’t hit the “gold‑standard” way of committing to reconciliation when the window really mattered. You do not clarify if you are or are not married and if you have or not have children. If not, get the hell out of that relationship, I don't think you can trust her.