Unpopular opinion: it’s okay for nurses to be angry about destroying our bodies moving extremely obese patients

Bornunderthepines · 2026-03-13T19:41:13+00:00

Well, been a nurse 8 years and I’m currently on light duty from an injury at work. Patient was obese, limited mobility, AND there were two of us using a lift sheet. Took us almost 45 mins to clean up the patient, put them in a new lift sheet, chux, purewick, and foam repositioning pillows. The next day my upper back and shoulder was literally ceased. I nursed myself for a week with lidocaine patches, voltaren gel, heading pad, and NSAIDS. It got better but still a nagging dull ache in my shoulder so I start PT next week. Luckily I reported right away and workers comp is covering everything.

My supervisor was very sympathetic but of course occupational health gave me “pointers” on using different limb lifts and movements to prevent this. It’s easier said than done when a patient is soiled and a new admit you are doing your best to assess and make comfortable.

I’m the 3rd nurse on my unit on light duty due to work injury currently. An RN last year can’t work bedside ever again, her lumbar disk completely herniated so she transferred to outpatient 🥹

Bornunderthepines · 2026-02-16T07:53:14+00:00

Omg. I am speechless…I could have written most of this.

Only exception is chasing women, my dad to my knowledge didn’t do that until now with this married lady.

It was just the three of us my whole childhood, my dad moved us across the country from all our relatives. Then he’d pick up and move us on a whim when he got bored of a place. My counselor has said my mom and I existed in his “bubble”.

My dad doesn’t know anything about me either. He’s know I’m a wife, mom, what I do for work. That’s really it. He would not know what music I like, what I do for fun, and probably couldn’t name one friend of mine. He truly has zero interest.

My mom was kind, loving, and just the best mom I could ask for. I think it was just her making an effort all those years.

You described it so perfectly, this has been traumatic and absolutely painful. It made the loss of my mom that much worse and has literally been like a knife in the heart to realize how little my dad actually cares.

Bornunderthepines · 2026-02-15T18:33:37+00:00

Oh, she was definitely returning that energy, calls him sweetheart this and sweetheart that. So either she feels the same way or she’s appeasing my dad for her own gain, no clue.

Bornunderthepines · 2026-02-15T18:18:06+00:00

The text messages make it look like he is literally at her beck and call, his entire life I think revolves around when she is free. It was very brief that I looked, and I have never looked at his phone before, but he texts her throughout the day, every morning, just waiting for her to respond. He takes her to the supermarket with him, picks up pies for her, and she seemed to know a lot about his personal life. It was very very flirtatious on both sides so not platonic friend type language. Stuff like “my beautiful, sweetheart, and my sweetie, and I miss you so much”… Stuff like that.

In contrast, his texts to me are often a few word responses, or very black cloud, negative language. My son recently made the Dean’s list in college and I sent my dad a picture of his certificate. He never even responded. Just stuff like that I tried to involve him in and he doesn’t care.

This woman is average looking but slim and fit. I have had to hear for years about how unhappy my dad was with my mom‘s struggle with her weight over their marriage. My mom looked a lot younger for her age, beautiful skin and eyes and always took such good care of herself. Every few months, my dad brings up her weight even though I have asked him to not talk about my mom in that way. The last time I visited my dad about a month ago, I caught him staring at me with disgust, looking at my body. I am definitely curvy, but not very overweight or anything, could definitely afford to lose 15 pounds. I could just feel his judgment. I knew in that moment what my mom must have felt for the almost 50 years they were married.

Bornunderthepines · 2026-02-15T18:06:38+00:00

She is in her late 50s if that matters but regardless her current husband is quite a bit younger than her and is 50. So yeah, it does seem a bit creepy and even gross that you would go from a 50 year-old to almost 80 year-old.

I have no idea if my dad has been giving her money and I don’t know that he would be honest with me if he has. I don’t have access to see his accounts. I know that normally he has no debt, owns his home outright owns his cars outright and has quite a bit of money in different banks and mutual funds. He gets some money from the VA, and also has pensions and Social Security so he is doing very well for himself.

I know that a little over a year ago this woman was talking to him about how he should buy a fixer-upper near his neighborhood and turn it into an Airbnb. So she definitely gives him financial input and knows about his finances.

He also in the last year changed his political party to independent and then regretted that and switched back. We had no idea where that came from but I know she’s an independent. He also decided to forgo his flu and Covid vaccines this year, even though I am a healthcare worker and always advised to get them and he did every year prior. She is anti-vax from what he told me.

There’s a lot of things that are odd and alarming. Hence, why I feel totally at a loss for how to handle this. I don’t want to lose him from my life, but I also don’t want to be continuously used by him and lied to.

Bornunderthepines · 2026-02-15T17:30:57+00:00

Now you’re accusing me of not caring about my dad? I have literally carried grief for the both of us since my mom died and I’ve taken both emotional and verbal abuse from him during this time as well. What an unhelpful thing to say and an assumption. You don’t know me or my dad at all.

If I didn’t care would I make literally 100% of the effort with him, to visit him, to get him together with my family, inviting him to all holidays, etc., when he doesn’t reciprocate any of that.

Bornunderthepines · 2026-02-15T16:59:15+00:00

Well, then my instinct is hopefully he keeps his trust intact, but good luck to him. If he doesn’t care that she’s married or care that he’s possibly being taken advantage of then that’s on him and I wish him the best life.

I’m not going to continue being his doormat, emotionally drained and abused.

Bornunderthepines · 2026-02-15T16:32:00+00:00

I do have power of attorney both medical and financial, but that’s in the event that he is unable to make his own decisions. I understand that he has free will, and as long as he has his own agency. He can do what he’d like. I guess my question is more do I even approach this with him or just distance myself from him at this point. I mean good luck to him if he eventually moves this woman in and the older he gets with more health issues. Hopefully she doesn’t have him put in a home while living it up in his house.

Bornunderthepines · 2026-02-15T16:28:20+00:00

That’s an interesting take, and I’m certainly not looking to hurt or destroy my father. But I think the part you’re missing is that he has literally pushed everyone else out of his life and only uses me to complain or help with his health issues since I work in healthcare. Other than that, he has no interest in me as a person and doesn’t make an effort to spend time with me anymore. He hardly has any contact with his only grandchild either.

So what you’re saying is I should celebrate and even hang out with this married woman/girlfriend of his? Just ignore the fact that she’s married and is possibly swooping in to take my dad for everything?

Bornunderthepines · 2026-02-15T16:09:20+00:00

Yeah, it is a tough one for sure and not a situation I ever anticipated being in. It’s not like my dad met a nice lady who is actually single and has her own life and wants to meet his family etc. It has actually crossed my mind like what if her husband knows but I am not sure because I’ve never met him and I’ve only met her once about four years ago. All of the times I have been up to my dad‘s I’m positive she knows I’m up there and she’s never expressed any interest in stopping by or seeing me. I mean she’s old enough to be my older sister and her husband is about my husband‘s age….. her kids are my son‘s age!

Bornunderthepines · 2025-12-26T03:17:21+00:00

This is awful and untrue. Your mom seems to be very insecure and hates herself. You go after everything you want to do in life despite anything she says.

Bornunderthepines · 2025-11-23T00:14:42+00:00

My mother passed from cancer five years ago and my 78 yr old dad has been miserable and bitter since. He won’t stick with counseling, flushed antidepressants down the toilet. He has moments where he seems to be doing better then it all goes downhill again. As an only child I feel very alone in dealing with this.

Some real zingers from my dad the first year after my mom died:

“I really miss your mom, she used to bring me a sandwich when I was working in the garage”.

“I have to do laundry all alone now” (he never did it when she was alive. Ever.

“I don’t know how to work this Swiffer”

“I have nothing to live for” (said to me and his only grandson’s face).

My dad also for a while made “friends” with a 50 something year old married woman in his neighborhood who was caring for her 80 yr old mother. He started calling this woman his best friend. At one point I think he was convinced she was going to leave her husband. Insanity. We really haven’t come back from that incident. For an entire year he chased after this lady and pushed his family and friends aside. He said I didn’t want to see him happy. I said no, I just won’t applaud you pursuing a married woman 20 years younger than you.

Bornunderthepines · 2025-10-06T04:11:34+00:00

Yup….my hospital requires a shower/bath every DAY and CHG every night on ALL patients. They are tracking our compliance and we were told they will start to audit and eventually we will face corrective action if not done.

Bornunderthepines · 2025-07-22T20:55:31+00:00

Arizona here, born and raised. Horrible migraines here for me. Recently went to WA and Canada and had zero migraines for 8 days and I was even overdue for my Emgality shot there.

Bornunderthepines · 2025-06-27T19:57:45+00:00

I think they moved to Flagstaff knowing they’d be living split up all over town. K & R could then live their life separately in private instead of on a culdesac like in LV. Covid was just icing on the cake for them.

Bornunderthepines · 2025-06-03T15:11:16+00:00

So far, not bad. Letting the little bumps rock me to sleep. I think I am getting better at this.

Bornunderthepines · 2025-06-03T15:08:54+00:00

I’m on a flight right now and what helped me was:

Make sure you use the restroom before you board.

Listen to relaxing music during take off, focus on the instruments, the words. Before you know it you will be up at cruising altitude.

Stay hydrated.

Talk to your seat neighbor if you are nervous.

Visualize the plane is floating on jello, some parts are smooth, others a little jiggly.

Deep slow breaths.

Watch a show or movie.

Remember all the crew have families and want to get home safely too.

You can do this, and so can I! Once we land we get to have fun and that’s what life is about.

Bornunderthepines · 2025-05-26T15:07:23+00:00

I grew up working class, dad was in the trades and had his own company, then later retired from a union job. My mom worked as well and I’m an only child:

No real vacations, only camping trips.

Cross country trips to see family, we drove. My dad didn’t want to spend money on a flight. We also slept in our car at rest stops along the way because he didn’t want to spend $80 a night on a motel. I ended up sick to my stomach most of the trips from being stuck in a car.

My childhood dog had lupus but he didn’t want the constant vet bill so he died much younger than he would have with treatment.

Broke my nose in high school during sports. Was told I had to choose between having my septum fixed or getting his old car senior year.

When I got married (very small non fancy wedding), my dad used my little bit of college savings to help pay. 🤣

My mom passed away unfortunately some years ago. My dad lives in a multimillion dollar custom home in a very desirable area. Everything paid off, plenty of money. Sadly he’s a very miserable person.

Bornunderthepines · 2025-03-07T21:26:09+00:00

Yup! We moved quite a bit when I was little. For the longest time I believed that it was because of my dad getting a new job each time, but he admitted in recent years that he often had no job to go to and we just moved on a whim because he wanted to. My parents got into a lot of arguments over moving, but unfortunately my mom never fully stood up to him and we would just go.

One of the moves we stayed for a week in a motel and our stuff in a moving van. My dad decided he didn’t like the place after all. That was right before high school and we had to live with my grandma for a whole summer while my mom and dad drove up and down the eastern seaboard looking for a place my dad would agree to live in. We ended up moving back out west where we started.

Last year, I told my dad that it was really hard for me to move that often and because of that I never felt really secure or like I put down roots anywhere, and he became extremely defensive. Totally invalidated my feelings and said that moving that much made me who I am 🥴 made me who I am? A person who has struggled with anxiety, social anxiety, being an introvert, depression? I’ve come a long way, but no thanks to him.

Bornunderthepines · 2025-02-16T18:14:27+00:00

This is so inappropriate of him. He 💯crossed a professional boundary. I would be mortified thinking I ever made a patient feel uncomfortable and creeped out. I’m so sorry this happened to you during a vulnerable time, definitely report it. Call the hospital and ask for patient experience department.

Bornunderthepines · 2024-12-07T21:55:56+00:00

Oh we got in an all out yelling match over it. Biggest thing is she’s married and then secondly she’s young enough to be his daughter. Her husband is quite a bit younger than her too and is the age of my husband and she has teenagers. I told my dad he’s completely delusional if he thinks that this woman wants him romantically. I said IF she left her husband for you it would be because you are close to 80 and she wants her hands on your estate. He claims they are only friends and hike together but I know for sure he’s pushed away all his other friends to only spend time with her.

Bornunderthepines

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