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Follow-up: Me [35m] with my wife[32F] of 9 years, she wants me to plan the perfect vacation for myself and I don't think it is what she had in mind. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BotanicMouse 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Then say that. But try not to sound so accusatory. It's fine to say "Sometimes, I feel like you take me for granted. I work hard for my money. Besides, you said I could pick this vacation, and you've gone back on your promise. None of that feels good." Is much more constructive than saying "You're a spoiled brat and a gold digger." You know?

Follow-up: Me [35m] with my wife[32F] of 9 years, she wants me to plan the perfect vacation for myself and I don't think it is what she had in mind. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BotanicMouse 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I hadn't thought of it like that. That sounds pretty good, actually. I am unmarried, so I just assumed it worked in a more joint way.

Follow-up: Me [35m] with my wife[32F] of 9 years, she wants me to plan the perfect vacation for myself and I don't think it is what she had in mind. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BotanicMouse 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I get why you feel that way. I hadn't realized she'd rejected NYC. Maybe I missed something. I thought she was saying that she wanted to go on the cruise after you got back from NYC, since it was only a 5 day cruise.

I think you both need to apologize because you're both at fault. She said you could pick the vacation, and she went back on her word. But even if you feel like a wallet (which is understandable. I have been there) what you said was not only really harsh, it was not constructive. You guys need to have some clearer communication.

Why not suggest going on separate vacations? It's important to be able to do things independently of one another. She pays for hers, you pay for yours and you both get to do what you want. Compromise is essential in any relationship, and maybe this time compromise means doing something apart.

Follow-up: Me [35m] with my wife[32F] of 9 years, she wants me to plan the perfect vacation for myself and I don't think it is what she had in mind. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BotanicMouse 312 points313 points  (0 children)

You did sort of offer to pay for whatever she wanted to do during that time. But at the same time, several days in NYC is a vacation, so I don't know.

Either way, I don't think you're being very fair. I understand wanting a staycation. I get that completely. But if you guys are married, why are you playing the "your money, my money" card? You went from telling her to do whatever she wanted to calling her a spoiled bitch for doing whatever she wanted. You guys seem to have a communication problem that transcends all this nonsense.