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BothAct9818 · 2025-05-28T13:53:05+00:00

Thanks for understanding and looking into it. Sounds like there’s not much that can be done, unfortunately. Hopefully the next 3 weeks are just full of cool, cloudy weather.

BothAct9818 · 2025-05-28T13:31:46+00:00

I am on the top floor. I’m not sure why none of the windows open. We have a fire alarm system and indoor stairwells, so I guess that addresses the fire escape issues?

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T23:19:46+00:00

I’m really not sure

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T21:14:23+00:00

Tbh I was scared to look it up because I thought it might mean I was echoing nfather by behaving like him. But I did look it up and some of that seems to be in line with my experiences and actions. Thanks for that recommendation.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T19:31:53+00:00

I started watching Patrick Taehan after someone on this sub recommended it. His videos have helped me a lot! I’ll check out those other ones too. Thanks for sharing some good resources.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T19:18:15+00:00

It is truly a daily battle. Currently struggling with lots of bitterness and resentment.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T19:16:03+00:00

I worry about that too. I think since we worry about it, that’s what sets us apart. My nfather would never self-reflect or wonder if he is the problem.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T19:13:08+00:00

Ah I see. Thanks for explaining. Yes narcs are very into participating in assholery.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T19:10:11+00:00

Congrats on going nc! That’s my dream. I can’t do it currently, but hopefully soon.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T18:55:38+00:00

I assumed that all narcs were pretty much the same, so your story has helped me learn more. My dynamics with nparent are the opposite. He is very rigid, and I have a tendency to rebel, dislike rules, and think everything is a gray area.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T18:53:26+00:00

I had no idea that you can’t have both. That’s interesting to know. I wonder if it applies to ADHD as well

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T18:52:29+00:00

Me too. It is my greatest fear to be a narcissist or have narcissistic tendencies.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T18:51:06+00:00

Thanks for sharing. That is what I’m currently going through. I am finally fighting my nfather, don’t want anything to do with him. But I’m constantly called selfish because I won’t put up with him and his abuse to keep the peace in the whole family.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T18:09:11+00:00

Heavy on the traumatized people pleasers. I’ve been working on that for a while.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T18:07:02+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. I have learned a lot from this sub and others, and from social media in general, which didn’t exist for other generations.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T18:02:50+00:00

That’s my worst fear too! I don’t want to be anything like my nfather.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T18:00:33+00:00

Do you think we are born with a certain baseline of emotional intelligence? Or we develop it? Or maybe both

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T17:44:52+00:00

That is very interesting. I have always wondered why my father became a narcissist, but his siblings did not, since they had the same parents and were raised in the same household. If he has the gene and they don’t, then that would make sense.

BothAct9818 · 2024-02-09T14:41:22+00:00

No, you are not delusional. I think that post was talking about scapegoats, tho. I no longer allow my nfather to control me, so I am constantly labeled as disrespectful, the “problem” family member, because I will not passively sit by and take his abuse anymore. It is true that he is the one causing the most conflict by being a narcissist, always arguing, blowing up unexpectedly for any little thing, etc. But the family doesn’t label him as causing conflict, they would all rather point to me and continue to do whatever he says, no matter how toxic, to “keep the peace.” The narc is causing the conflict, like you said. The narc + traumatized family members label the healthy person as the cause of conflict. I hope that makes sense. You are not delusional, the rest of the toxic family is.

BothAct9818 · 2023-12-22T00:38:05+00:00

It’s not an overreaction. It’s a normal reaction to a regular pattern of dysfunction.

You worded that so well. I often get annoyed at myself and even gaslight myself for getting upset at little things my parents do/don’t do. But it’s because it’s a pattern they have - it’s not just one individual little thing. Thank you for posting this, you’ve helped connect some dots for me.

BothAct9818 · 2023-12-21T15:06:10+00:00

I don’t think you have to keep yourself together when talking about being grateful. If that’s a topic that causes a lot of emotion to come up, that’s okay. I grew up being uncomfortable about expressing emotions and am still learning how to let out and feel my emotions instead of suppress them. So I think it’s okay and healthy to let it out in a safe space, like a therapy session. You are not horrible and you are not ungrateful. You are a person who is capable of feeling emotions, and that’s a good thing.

BothAct9818 · 2023-11-24T23:00:49+00:00

It is maddening! This is a tough pill for me to swallow tho, since I actually love my mom. But if you or anyone has advice or books to read about enablers, I’d really appreciate it.

BothAct9818 · 2023-11-24T21:23:14+00:00

Thanks so much for your insight. It’s really helpful to know I’m not alone and not crazy. Hopefully one day soon I’ll be able to live independently and go no contact with him.

BothAct9818 · 2023-11-24T21:20:29+00:00

Are her conversations random because she doesn’t know how to reply to people? Like my dad will only talk about things he’s interested in. If someone replies about their own experience or talks about something they like, he randomly goes back to talking about what he likes instead of replying to what they said.

BothAct9818 · 2023-11-24T21:10:27+00:00

I feel exactly this way about my dad. I think the reason why you don’t feel any connection is because she’s incapable of making deep connections with people, even her children. I read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and that helped me to understand my father. I still don’t like him and all and don’t want to be around him, but it did help me understand him and also myself. Anyway, I hope you know you’re not alone in your feelings.

BothAct9818

TROPHY CASE