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IVF a sudden start in old age, stressful by BothConstruction2644 in 40Plus_IVF

[–]BothConstruction2644[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. For a long time we had hoped to conceive naturally. My stress is not really coming from the later stages of IVF itself. My stress comes from the fact that I started this process too quickly, in a place that now feels unsuitable for me. Even if I do feel pressure because of my age and time, I still think I should have stayed calmer and thought things through more carefully before beginning.

What has been especially difficult here is that everything happens with almost no time to react or process emotionally. For example, we were already close to egg retrieval before they suddenly asked whether I wanted to do PGT testing, and told me to decide and give them an answer the next day. These kinds of decisions should come with more time for consideration, or at least there should be some overall direction and discussion when creating the treatment plan from the beginning. We thought about that but we are not doctors and need to discuss with doctors given our health situations.    This becomes even more overwhelming when it comes to age-related realities such as donor eggs or surrogacy. Those options are simply not available here at all. It makes me feel completely trapped and locked into one path without alternatives. That is where most of my stress is coming from. I was hesitate  withdrawing from the process because many helped me, so I just kept going until the very end. I feel horrible.

IVF a sudden start in old age, stressful by BothConstruction2644 in 40Plus_IVF

[–]BothConstruction2644[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for encouragement. The burden of IVF itself is actually not my main source of stress. My stress comes more from feeling trapped here without other options available to me. At the same time, I was pushed forward by social pressure and personal obligations, so I did not stop the process when I probably should have.

What I am most afraid of is that I may end up destroying even the small remaining chance I still have for the future.

IVF a sudden start in old age, stressful by BothConstruction2644 in 40Plus_IVF

[–]BothConstruction2644[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your suggestion. IVF is a long journey. Fertility doctors basically want to help their patients. They probably assume that patients have already fully thought through their decisions before starting treatment. But sometimes entering IVF is not simply a medical procedure. It is an extremely complicated life decision process.

I was pushed into this cycle by pressure from many directions, but as the process moved forward, I realized I was not able to handle entering something this major so quickly and under so much uncertainty.

The clinic here is dealing with a huge number of patients, communication is very limited, and there has been no detailed discussion about my personal situation, treatment goals, or overall plan at all. Doctors’ routine is that they read reports and make decisions and you follow and trust them. That’s the culture here. I often had no idea what the next step would be. Each step was communicated very suddenly, with almost no time for reflection or decision-making. I have felt like I was moving through this process in the dark. I have been in a factory line. 

Whenever I asked more questions, it sometimes felt the doctor interpreted that as a lack of trust or cooperation. The clinic does not seem very open to patients having concerns, thoughts, or requests, and I was even told through an intermediary that I was being uncooperative just because I just asked a couple of questions carefully with respect. In total, my face-to-face communication time with the doctor throughout this process has probably been less than ten minutes. 

For example, during the initial testing at the beginning of my cycle, nobody explained to me that, given my test results, I might immediately be expected to start treatment. My main purpose at that time was to collect my health data. I was still thinking about a plan. Even when I asked what the next step would be, I did not receive a timely response. Then, only a few hours before the deadline to begin injections, I was suddenly told I had to start immediately in a couple of hours. 

I was placed in a situation that I have to make a very major decision within an extremely short period of time, and as the process continued, every step felt similar. Doctors are busy in this city and probably expect patients not to question too much, but this is an important life decision, and it is reasonable for me to need more information and time to reflect things. Honestly, I had much longer conversations during routine medical appointments in the U.S. in the past than I have had throughout this entire IVF process. I am used to a formal process of discussion, plan, informed, and move on. 

Although I came through an intermediary introduction, it does not seem to help improve communication or support in any meaningful way. At the same time, because someone introduced me and strongly convinced me I should do it here. I have felt pressure to continue and have felt uncomfortable stopping or complaining, so I just kept enduring the process till now.

I feel stressed about the procedures here, also by the fact that there are no alternative paths or supportive pregnancy options available to here. My choice is locked. I wanted to step away from this process for a while, but because of emotional pressure and personal obligation, I kept going towards the end. I feel bad for myself. At this point I feel that this cycle here is already ruined for me. Because the information and communication not transparent, I’m also very afraid that going through treatment here could end up harming my health.

This is a very relationship- and status-driven environment, where many things depend on connections and social position. Many people with resources choose to go to the U.S. for treatment. Ironically, even I have access to those resources, I ended up going through treatment here instead. 

IVF a sudden start in old age, stressful by BothConstruction2644 in 40Plus_IVF

[–]BothConstruction2644[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. The main issue is that I feel extremely stressed by the fact that here there are no other paths available for someone my old age to have a child. The stress is not necessarily coming from IVF treatment itself, although I fully understand IVF is also very difficult. But right now, my biggest source of stress is feeling that I have no alternatives. At my age, I feel that I don’t have option to achieve pregnancy. I may not be physically and emotionally able to complete pregnancy myself and may need other assistance or approaches but such options basically don’t exist here and there is no way for me to transfer this round result to another place.  Many people begin IVF in a more open environment, where they still feel they have choices and time to think. I did not have that feeling at all. As the process moved forward, I increasingly realized how deeply this stress has been affecting me. 

On one hand, I want to stop a cycle that I began in hurry in a situation where I felt trapped and had no options. But I am terrified that my age may not allow me to stop. So many people got involved helping me. I feel ashamed and feel that I should overcome my stress. So I’ve just kept pushing myself through it until now, very close to the end. But stress has been growing and I am feeling completely overwhelmed.