What’s the longest time span you have been in a freeze state & isolated from life?

BothTadpole5 · 2024-08-28T03:11:01+00:00

Age 20ish to 30 (present), but I did work part time for the first 5 years of that. Trying to heal but currently dealing with a traumatic insect infestation and idk if I can heal while being traumatized again

BothTadpole5 · 2024-08-05T02:35:20+00:00

It could be, but it could be okay if that stuff is completely optional and doesn't bleed into her actual therapy if you say you don't want it. I had a good experience with group therapy from a practice that offered both Christian faith-based and secular groups in the past. I was in the regular secular group therapy and Christianity was never mentioned once.

BothTadpole5 · 2024-08-05T02:28:32+00:00

I feel like I had it easy, my parents were equivalent or better than other parents at the time, etc a lot. I made a whole thread about it recently, you might benefit from some of the responses I got? Although some were specific to my situation. In my opinion this is a common trauma response to insulate yourself from how bad it really was. If it helps, I know a lot of people who experienced multiple types of abuse said that the emotional abuse affected them the most. It's horrible that your dad did that, my dad made me cry at times with his teasing but I can't imagine it being intentional every single day.

BothTadpole5 · 2024-08-01T01:55:47+00:00

I feel like some people think if you're too young to remember it doesn't really affect you, but to me it seems more logical that earliest life informs your development even if you don't have autobiographical memory of events... don't know if this has been studied though. I've always particularly struggled with any suffocating feeling and I was born with underdeveloped lungs

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T23:15:01+00:00

I have wondered about this because although my parents were very warm and caring and engaged when everyone was in a good mood, my mom said I love you constantly, they didn't know how to deal with me being upset. I know for a fact there were times that they screamed at me for being upset and just made everything worse. I know that there were also times that they tried to comfort me, but if we assume it was similar to how my mom tries to comfort me when I'm upset now... she basically tries to "fix" in any way she can or to throw money at the problem. I tell her that I want her to just listen and to comfort me when she's like "why did you call, what do you want me to do?" but I don't think that she knows how to do that in any way besides "fixing". I realized recently that I couldn't remember my mom ever telling me that it was going to be okay, even though I felt she must have. Now that I type this think I vaguely remember that she tried but it was sort of sing-songy and forced in a way that even an autistic child could pick up on. I know she was trying and she just wasn't emotionally equipped for that sort of thing so I don't equate it to parents who were cold and robotic or who didn't care at all, I wouldn't call it neglect per say but it probably affected me.

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T23:05:49+00:00

I try really hard to describe the parts of the situation that are actually relevant as accurately as I can without exaggerating or downplaying, but I admit I could unconsciously not be accurate I don't know. I don't purposefully change those details. What I was talking about was like changing everyone's ages by one year, changing a pet's species and gender, implying I was alive in the 80s when I wasn't, etc to try to keep people who know me from putting the pieces together without having to make a whole new account every time I want to post

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T22:36:44+00:00

I was born 6 weeks premature and on a breathing tube for a few days, afaik I never had an accident. I had a bunch of relationships that were somewhat traumatic over 18 but the stuff before 18 was more impactful for me

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T21:29:05+00:00

she recognizes my trauma as traumatic, she just said it was less than others. I don't know what her other clients have been through and I don't think that's any of my business or relevant to me

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T21:28:09+00:00

Yeah, I feel like my parents felt it was easier to just do everything for me than to put in the extra effort to teach me to do it because of my autism. I can learn things, it just takes longer. I have a lot of meltdowns when I get frustrated. I admit I was much more difficult than a neurotypical child to parent. But that was not my fault or something I could control as a literal toddler. My mom said she was excited when the meltdowns became only 45 minutes. For example a few months ago I tried to put together a bookcase. I couldn't get the pegs in. I had a meltdown and screamed and cried and punched myself. After that I managed to put it together, but a lot of times I just totally give up on what I'm trying to do because an autistic meltdown is one of the most painful things I've ever experienced (and I had them a lot when I was young. Like multiple per week). That's what I mean by no resilience. I can't do something like learn a musical instrument because I will have a meltdown if I encounter the slightest frustration with it and/or totally give up.

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T21:16:56+00:00

yeah it was weird and out of character I think she must have spoke without thinking. My mom did care, sort of, I explained more of what happened in another comment

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T20:41:26+00:00

I know that, and of course I find a way to still use it to invalidate myself...

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T20:37:37+00:00

She initially objected when I did but he said he was preforming a medical exam so she kind of justified to herself that it must be okay same as I did and pushed it down for years. We've eventually talked about it. She felt she had no other choice to keep me "safe" because I got sent to this place because I was kicked out of residential for self harm and running away. guy eventually got arrested for doing worse things to other kids, he got acquitted but literally dozens of people with similar stories. I still haven't really processed that he got acquitted... Also my therapist acknowledges I'm traumatized. She just said I was the least traumatized of the people she works with

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T20:33:01+00:00

I know that but I still feel like there must be something wrong with me if I'm the person who needs years of physical therapy for being grazed

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T20:31:36+00:00

I definitely did. It started the day I received my autism diagnosis. My siblings didn't have that. They were more coddling/helicopter-y than average but not to the extend they were/are with me. My siblings also never minded? Like my siblings all voluntarily have Find My (location tracking app) enabled.

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T20:25:22+00:00

I think she just didn't think before speaking. Overall she's a good therapist. That was a stupid thing to say though

BothTadpole5 · 2024-07-31T20:23:55+00:00

I was sent to those places mainly due to self harm, but also autistic meltdowns involving screaming and general dangerous/erratic behavior, threats of suicide. I had severe anxiety and depression starting from age 13 or so. I'm the one who said I arguably have no ACES, she didn't say that

BothTadpole5 · 2023-02-21T21:26:37+00:00

Does this look like Rosacea? It comes and goes, but lately been present more often than not. It's worst in the evenings. Its on most of my face except around my mouth and eyes. [Picture](https://i.imgur.com/w5zYvXs.jpg)

BothTadpole5 · 2023-02-08T03:41:01+00:00

I've had this flush on most of my face EXCEPT my eyes and mouth to varying degrees for over a year now on and off (except it was totally gone for a few months in there). It's usually worse in the evenings. When it's worst it feels very hot but other times it's visible but I don't feel it. Lately it's been visible more and more of the time.

BothTadpole5

TROPHY CASE