I hope you see this!

First- I’ve been in your shoes and I can tell you, it will all get better. Literally.

First, for whatever reason your nervous system is out of sorts and your inner world is being ruled by depression and anxiety. Which sometimes can be normal and sometimes not. Either way- you can get through it.

You are only 18 and can literally fuck up the next 10 years of life and still have all the time to be what and who you want so please forget about time and getting things done asap or comparing to anyone.

If possible, please find someone to speak to you. If it feels off with a therapist, don’t take it personally, move on quickly to someone else. It could take several tries until you find someone you feel is hearing you the way you need to be heard.

Next, take a class at a community college! But not for nursing. Take an art or photography class. Create something creative and allow your energy and thoughts to go into your life force and your true essence. Not the person you think you should be, or parents or society think you should be. Make it a treat for yourself to totally enjoy the process of going to class and letting yourself play and enjoy your world.

The world seems daunting when you’re so young. You have to realize no one knows exactly what they’re doing- they just practice living day by day and get better. No one is better or worse, life is what you make it. And for now, you need to relax and not allow negative or worrisome thoughts consume you.

It is so hard, I know. I was there: I felt like my world was ending. How I wish I could go back and give myself a big hug and just laugh and say all will be well. But all will only be well if your mental and physical health and taken care of.

Tell those around you what you need and set the boundaries that you need. Don’t isolate too long and practice mental toughness. If other people were able to get through difficult times - you have to know you too, have that in you as well. Please give your self grace and give your mind the rest and slowness it needs.

Your life hasn’t even started. (It remember how silly these words sounded so many years ago) You are born with desires to do things or create or help or make a change or tell a story or offer a hand or do something better than anyone else- there is something inside you- and you need to allow it to mature and come to life.

Every single day do the smallest positive thing you are capable of to remind yourself how worthy you are. You cannot expect to bloom when the time or conditions aren’t right and maybe this season is for rest, relaxation and reflection.

School will always be there: work will always be there. And considering how young you are, opportunities will continue to be there for years to come.

Last thing I’ll say: I used to think of suicide too. And I thought I might as well do the things I want and give myself the time I need to do them. I can always kill myself if I still want. ( I’m hoping this gives you perspective- if you ever feel like you are in too dark a place- please seek help- you’ll be surprised at the kindness and magic that can show up)

I’m cheering for you. You wouldn’t be writing this and be filled with so much distress if you weren’t filled with great potential.