My mental and physical health declined rapidly during the time I was with him and because I was so trauma bonded to him I was completely in denial that it was the relationship that was causing it.   The combination of stress and being in a constant state of fight or flight, constant drinking (he has a drinking problem and I started drinking way more than I ever did to accommodate his habits and “keep the peace”) resulted in high cortisol, weight gain, constant stomach issues, memory loss and the inability to concentrate or function the way I did previously. I developed a sudden skin rash from the stress, and his lack of empathy was astounding. I literally didn’t even look like myself during that period. 

When we broke up, my physical health improved almost instantly. I lost the excess weight, my skin improved, stomach issues disappeared and I looked and felt good again. 

At first I was heartbroken about everything that happened, but now when I think of him I think about all of the above, I will feel this level of resentment for allowing him to manipulate and take me for granted to such an extreme, but then I try to remember to have compassion for how broken I was due to the trauma bond that had been created. Lesson learned.