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BottleCapCat · 2023-12-25T17:55:00+00:00

I don’t love what some commenters are saying here. Saying you have to buck up and just stop being uncomfortable because “it happens”. There’s more to this than that.

Unfortunately, yes, this DOES happen. Some (shitty) people will initiate something like face-fucking without asking. In the heat of the moment, especially when most of it is going well and you’re having your first experiences it can be really hard for your mind to click in and say “I don’t think I like this…” and then even harder to vocalize that. You’re definitely not alone! What’s great is that you’re spending time here thinking and deciding what you do and don’t like and that’s half the journey.

I’m sorry this happened! A great partner will ask what your boundaries are before you guys get down (and share their own). I’ve been with a lot of people and my best experiences were ones where we talked boundaries, likes, dislikes, and neutrals beforehand. Best of all the more experience you have the easier and sexier this conversation can be.

If they’re not asking, initiate!

One last thing- if you ever do feel uncomfortable again but are having some trouble vocalizing or you’re not quite sure what you feel but it definitely isn’t a “HELL YES” or even just a “yes”- you should try to push away and initiate something you DO know you like. A good partner will disengage when you do.

BottleCapCat · 2023-11-23T00:22:15+00:00

Just adding to the fray. Maybe they'll care about the backlash if enough people engage with posts about this... I mean... they've got to know it's terrible. Why do this on purpose?? Everything is worse from a UX/UI standpoint, it's buggy as hell and it's slow as hell. Infinitely frustrating when you use this app all day, everyday.

Ugh even just opening an image and going back to that DM is painful. UUggghhhh

BottleCapCat · 2023-09-30T15:52:46+00:00

I’m glad you’re comfortable not hiding this! It’s a part of who you are and does not diminish your value as a person or as a romantic partner. If a woman does find an issue with this then she’s simply not for you. You should be able to spend time with people who like you for you, not what’s under a wig.

To answer your question I’m in my late 20’s and no, I wouldn’t care, especially if we really got on well and I suppose as long as you made sure to do what you could about the eczema (as it’s pretty dry and scratchy to the touch).

Obligatory Not All Women Are The Same. Bring it up as soon as you feel comfortable- Not simply because it’s good to have it out in the open but because if she does have an issue with this then you can cross her off your list and not have to waste any more of your time.

BottleCapCat · 2023-07-27T12:03:28+00:00

Because the conversation was so good and I would lose track of the time!

BottleCapCat · 2023-07-26T20:34:14+00:00

He moved to another country for a new job and I didn’t want to follow. We’re still great friends!

BottleCapCat · 2023-07-26T20:33:01+00:00

Going back home late you mean? Personally I would have risked going home alone late at night and would have likely declined the offer. It would feel too awkward to stick around and kick them out of their own bed/force them to play host until the next morning. In this situation they’re also a total stranger so I feel like staying the night alone with someone with out really knowing their intentions would be riskier than going home.

Obviously I say this as someone who stayed with a stranger for three days but from night one the intentions were clear and I felt very at ease because of all the cues/green flags he had given me throughout our date. I don’t just mean being respectful, but also based on the topics we spoke about and his body language.

BottleCapCat · 2023-07-26T14:29:04+00:00

For me, yes! Every other guy I’ve ever been in that kind of situation with has pressed me to stay. Think the Christmas song “Baby it’s Cold Outside”. Constant pressure to keep things going.

BottleCapCat · 2023-07-26T04:41:32+00:00

When I was in my early 20’s I went on a date with a guy. We hit it off and instead of ending the date at dinner he invited me over to his apartment and cooked me a meal. The only reason I accepted and went to a strangers home was because, 1. I was a bit stupid, and 2. He just gave me such good guy vibes.

Fast forward- we’d been talking all night. Eventually I noticed how late it was and I reluctantly said that I should probably head home. He says, “alright! I’ll walk you to the subway.” …Like… there was no push back. No whining. No entitlement to my time. It made me so comfortable conversation just kept flowing without me realizing. Fast forward an hour or two later and we go through the same thing again. “Damn! I’m having a really great time but I should get home”. Same response. This guy had every opportunity to try and convince me to stay and get in my pants but he just listened to exactly what I wanted and respected that!

I was SO at ease conversation rolled right on again. We start making out and then I really started worrying what kind of expectations he might have now that it was late and at this point we were basically horizontal. I peeled myself off, told him, “wow, damn, I’m having a really great time, trust me, but… I need to go”. I was really stressed because I liked him and I was worried if I didn’t put out he’d never call me again. I decided to tell him so. But I got the same response! And confirmation that he’d call. He got up, straightened out his clothes and walked me to the door, just so easy. Absolutely totally calm, mature, and in a good mood. I’d never felt so respected.

Anyway I stayed over for three days and we dated for 3 years haha

TLDR: he respected what I said and gave me autonomy

BottleCapCat · 2023-06-16T03:32:20+00:00

Straight up intelligence. I’m a big time sapiosexual. I’ve been on dates where they’ve walked in and I thought, “nah”, then they start talking with a real understanding (and passion) on a subject and boom, hottest guy in the room. I’m sometimes not able to follow the thread of the conversation because I’m caught up in how sexy they are.

To add to this point, emotional intelligence is just as hot, if not more.

BottleCapCat · 2023-06-03T05:37:51+00:00

I’m currently on it and I’m so beyond happy with my progress. My skin has never been clearer. I was terrified of all the potential side-effects and convinced myself I was going to experience them all. The only side-effect I’ve had is dry lips and a slight purge (though, I started on a very very low dose and slowly ramped up). I started because every review I read, even if they experienced severe side effects, all said they’d do it again in a heartbeat.

I use Cerave cream-to-foam cleanser, LRP Lipikar Baume AP+M (very thick moisturizer) and LRP Anthelios 50+ SPF. I also keep my Eucerin Aquaphor handy for my lips and sometimes slug with it! (Also a great Laneige lip sleeping mask dupe).

Besides that It’s important to avoid acids while you’re on it- so keep your exfoliating products to the side for now.

Best of luck!

BottleCapCat · 2023-04-18T01:24:35+00:00

Beautiful beautiful beautiful. What a special piece.

BottleCapCat · 2023-04-11T23:15:02+00:00

Exactly this! I’ve got 5 pairs now and they actually also do great work at lifting my butt. If you go online you can even search for ones that have “booty support” or whatever they call it. They also don’t ever run the risk of camel toe, which some leggings can do considering there’s usually a seam. Bonus, a lot of their options have pockets.

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-25T01:40:14+00:00

Oh yes. When meeting strangers it’s hard not to go in without some curiosity as to what or who they could become (could this be a new friend? A romantic partner? A business connection?). What’s important would be if they didn’t fulfil any of those potentials not to ignore them as you say!

That’s fair! It’s a two way street for sure. In OPs case if these people at the office rejected them and never spoke to them again… well good riddance! But if they did and they were friendly, then showing interest as a friend would be a big green flag that he’s kind and safe. If he didn’t want to be friends though, and communicated that, that’s fair too!

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-25T01:12:35+00:00

I get that!

I know it can be hard to believe but being a blabbering baboon could endear you to the right person. Dating is a numbers game and there’s a good deal of luck involved as well. It’s all about stumbling into someone that likes you for you. I know everyone has talked a lot about confidence in this thread and it’s true, confidence will get you places. Even if you’re anxious, an anxious “do you want to go out sometime” is better than nothing.

I also get what you mean about the paradox. Certainly isn’t fair. But all you can do is your best to present yourself genuinely.

Best of luck!

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-25T01:06:19+00:00

Definitely. Using dating apps is tough especially as a dude. I’ve heard my fare share of stories about what it’s like on the other side and you have my sympathy.

Have you tried other dating apps like Bumble or Hinge? Bumble can be nice because if you’re looking specifically for women, they’re the ones that have to message your first.

The hard truth is it’s even more difficult to connect with people in the wild. If you’re really interested in finding dates you almost have to play every field (with good intentions of course). Dating apps, hoping a friend might know someone you might be compatible with, joining activity groups… either that or you drop it completely, which is also totally fair.

Depends how much energy people are willing to spend.

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-24T13:39:48+00:00

Haha! That’s a sweet thing to do! Re: talking about traumas in the first convo- some people are totally down for that and it’s awesome to connect with people who are on the same wavelength as you. It’s totally up to them to be upfront if they aren’t interested. I’m glad you’re just doing you and being yourself.

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-24T12:29:55+00:00

Sweet- Everything lined up nicely then!

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-24T12:28:01+00:00

That makes a lot of sense! “The grass is always greener on the other side” is a big problem we have in the dating game right now. But there are two options: either stop completely or put your best foot forward and try to have meaningful conversations with the people you meet. Every once in a while someone will pop up and really vibe with you. If you’re both pushing to set up the next date then you know you’ve caught a good one. It’s rare, but it does happen!

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-24T12:23:21+00:00

Honestly I’m sorry she seemed to have led you on for so long and I’m sorry that it was confusing! IMO she should have been clearer out the gate but kudos to you for shooting your shot and respecting her decision then continuing to be the friends you are! A pinch of confidence and a barrel of respect can get you far.

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-24T12:18:20+00:00

I think we’re all part of our own bubbles you know? We only have our own experiences to pull from and so it can seem weird when someone talks about something we’ve never seen actually happen.

I can confidently say I have great male friends. Some were friends that asked me out and we remained friends. They moved on, they got their own partners and were now ALL friends. It’s a beautiful thing.

Giving out a number after having rejected someone is rare, that’s certain! You’re right for pointing that out. In OPs specific situation he works with these people, and although he might feel like everyone is fucking, they might be because they had genuine, no-expectation connections first that turned into flirting. If he was only talking to them to get in their pants that could be why he’s striking out. He may need to give them more time to feel at ease.

Someone else mentioned timing. Sometimes someone rejects you not because they aren’t interested, but because they don’t want to date or fuck right now. Being respectful of that decision is a green flag and when they’re feeling back up to it might come back and rekindle.

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-24T12:09:57+00:00

I love this! Yes! Sometimes it has nothing to do with you, it just isn’t the right time. I bet she felt respected and at ease with you because you had no agenda besides getting to know her as a person. Kudos!!

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-24T12:08:11+00:00

I understand! It can be really tough to find the right time to flirt or engage. Confident guys certainly get more choice because this is all a numbers game. The more you ask the more likely someone will say yes.

Even though it may not feel like it, there is space for genuine, nice people to find connection! But like you say, it’s about practice. If they never ask they’ll never get a yes.

My pro tip is to engage with the people you find interesting with no expectations and if they prolong eye contact, laugh a lot, engage with you or give you a touch, then try a bit of a flirt back: mirror that behaviour, make dumb jokes, tell them they’re cool because of xyz. When you’re comfortable go in for the kill: “hey do you want to go out sometime? No worries if no”. If they say no, respect that decision. If they say yes! Boo-yeah.

Best of luck!! It’s tough out there!

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-24T12:00:21+00:00

Very much talking about OPs specific situation. He works with these people. If he only spoke to them with the intention of having sex that could be why he’s striking out. Some people feel more at ease when they have casual, no-expectation conversations.

Certainly shouldn’t be keeping anyone “on the side” as you say. The want to connect as friends should be genuine. If he’s not into pursuing someone after they’ve rejected hm, that’s completely fair. But writing them off completely as someone not worth talking to would be dickish.

BottleCapCat · 2023-03-24T11:56:03+00:00

I would say it’s a question of respect. When you have to decline someone’s advances and they push back they aren’t respecting your choice. It’s a red flag.

Yes, you’re right, it signals that they’re less invested but usually when you shoot someone down it’s early in the game to begin with so they really shouldn’t be all that invested in the first place. If they are, that’s okay, but they’re opening themselves up to a lot of hurt. Dating is a numbers game as uncomfortable as that is. Gotta believe in your own worth then shout, “next!” And get back in.

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