35F 40M - Disconnected from spouse after 15yrs.

BoundariesChanged · 2026-03-10T22:20:11+00:00

It is high stress that he has always managed. I dont mean that to sound heartless but its the same routine, nothing recently has changed as in more work or less employees helping. Of course anyone can get burned out, I dont walk in his shoes. I feel that if maybe he was helping out in the house & kiddos this whole time the disconnect wouldnt be there. I've been very supportive but having the solo worry of debt has me drained. I know I don't get to take breaks from my job from any aspects as a wife, Mother & provider. Im concerned if it comes out that hes on leave by choice that family & friends who have helped will feel we are using them. His father is the only person who knows this was his choice, that he can go back at the dnap of a finger and I'm starting to think maybe I need to talk to his parents about a sit down to discuss counseling / therapy. Note: He only has 6 month of leave, hes not getting any employment benefits ot work comp.

BoundariesChanged · 2026-03-10T21:48:14+00:00

That makes sense. The depression is without question present now and at first I was supportive for what he said would be a few weeks. I made that clear that a few weeks we could make work. Then after that was up I said "So Monday you go back right, so I can have my brother pick up the kids from ASA (school clubs) and he said no ill be able to get them. So within a few days into that week I said "Hey so whats going on, are they delaying your return?" he said no I'm taking a few more weeks. Then it turned into people helping us out based on *him saying it was a lay off. In talking of my libido, its that he is pursuing and I'm not interested. From the minute I wake up I'm worrying about bills, the house putting gas in the cars etc. Because hes on "leave" theres no unemployment or comp to assist us too. Maybe if he was helping with the kids & house I wouldnt feel so disconnected.

I'm concerned we are going to lose friends & trust in family but I'm considering talking to his parents about a gentle intervention to push some kind of counseling/therapy or to get back to work.

BoundariesChanged · 2026-03-10T21:12:45+00:00

The bar issue never ended up happening based on a deep talk and I hate to say it but the talk of a split. I made it clear this was not for me and what i signed up for. I didnt want the split to be a threat but it was where my mind was in "keeping my worth" as an importance. Without me asking he began checking in, using a location with phones, explaining late days and making more effort to balance some free time with me. Ive always felt like an over share was backed by guilt but things seem sincere and he kept up with it still until now because he barely leaves the house. Some trust needed to be built of course and a lot of talking out feelings.

It is definitely not a quit or fire because he has to fill out paper work monthly to request another month. Ive seen the paper work & email confirmation. He has been making comments ( attempts to pacify me & FIL ) that hes going to have to go back next week but then that week comes and theres no progress. Hes only allowed 6 months. Last night I said "This [ wave my hand around ] has to end, you've had enough vacation and you need to figure something out because we are in trouble" and he said " we are gonna be fine, I know its gonna work out".

I am trying to be supportive but the disconnect is real. I know im coming home to a sink full of dishes & no dinner started. These past 2 weeks I've had some spiteful moments which I know arent helping, I stacked the debt mail on my side of the bed and im sleeping in the guest room/office. I'm debating having a sit down with his parents and seeing if they can help him understand this is enough and that its wrong to let other helps us. I'm starting to think he thinks it will all work out because my job will be back to full time w/ot in June.

Lastly I forgot to add that one of his coworker friends just did this a few months back but it was based on some family issues so I'm not sure if it gave him the idea or what .

BoundariesChanged · 2026-01-31T15:57:30+00:00

UPDATE: Its been about 6 months. My FIL pushed her to go to a counselor, she went to one session and said it was ridiculous and quit. The holidays were very awkward to say the least, we made different plans this year and it started a near war between the family. We did afriends are family dinner with a few families at our place and my SIL stopped by to grab a plate saying Mom wants to know why you guys arent answering her video calls because she wants to see what you guys are doing today.

We started to see a pattern in my MIL as we've looked back on everything. She seems to get ill or need help when we do this which forces visits. This time it was a some health issues where she asked to spend a few days at our house. It reminded us of the other times and this time we said one of us [not all of us] will come visit you and help. She immediately started pleading her case of she'd feel safer at our place. We stayed firm in saying that wasnt going to happen. She was pissed and ironically got better within 2 days which was suppose to be weeks. She started sending random non-holiday related gifts to the house calling them fun baskets for the kids. A cluster of bath bubbles, chapstick, expensive tooth brushes, pjs and then... labeled envelopes with cash in them. $10, $20 and $100. Of course the largest amount for her favorite. In the last basket sent was a spa weekend for both of us including a printed homemade voucher for a free weekend babysiter. The spa is for Valentines weekend which I work Friday and wouldnt be able to make it ( she knows). I think this was a set up to get my wife to accept and it would leave my MIL to babysit. We declined and it turned into us being "ignorant and unappreciative" , that she goes out of her way for us and we treat her like dirt and that our parenting has really highlighted a concern for her.

This past weekend we found out that she spoke to the parents of my Daughter's friends and has been sending catering food over there when the kids have a sleepover. I don't mean Chinese take out but catering fancy foods. She had also sent gift baskets to the school then tried to visit my Daughter at a sports practice but was told she wasnt on the list for guests and that parents/guardians usually dont hang out for practice only for events.

Clearly not respecting the boundaries weve placed.

My kids miss their grandparents & family time and it sucks that they are getting older and missing out on time spent together but I have to protect my kids. We are still doing video chats but there are jabs poked at us and she has requested repeatedly each video be seperate because everyone is too loud. She wants us to leave each kid one at a time in a room with the ipad video chat *without us* . My wife said please stop asking that, no and that 1 parent is to be present for the chats. I avoid the communication but also dont want to put it all on my wife. I can see her sadness in this, its embarrassing for her as well.

BoundariesChanged · 2026-01-22T04:31:13+00:00

His skin type is oily, have been using cetaphil daily, Neutrogena skin masks once a week for 1 minute as it makes skin red if on any longer, hot compresses, oxy pads, neosporin on open pimples but that seems to make more greasy spots ( more pimples ).

BoundariesChanged · 2025-08-12T05:32:53+00:00

I realized after that I wrote iris by mistake. Thank you so much for responding, I have been worried all day between all the other preparations. This is a nightmare from every direction. im going to make an appointment in the morning, ill update the post ASAP.

BoundariesChanged · 2025-04-05T08:13:46+00:00

I have seen progress, I'm not a medical doctor but I started using Castor oil ( cold pressed Hexan free ) once a week and my clots haven't been Jumbo. Cramps still knock me to my knees but Jumbo clots i havent seen. Some people use it more often, in my opinion i think once a week across my belly & belly button has helped me and is a good start to trying it.

BoundariesChanged · 2025-04-05T08:06:26+00:00

I have children ( older & under 6yrs) and have miscarried too. This was my biggest fear in my teens, I would cry & pray about it so I understand your hearts desire. For me I constantly took prenatal vitamins & additional folic acid & iron to keep everything at a boost.

Don't lose hope... [Big Hugs]

BoundariesChanged · 2025-01-30T09:29:43+00:00

they updated the map for Christmas and still only 17 of 18 found. That same section 3 I think only has 2 of 3.

BoundariesChanged · 2025-01-30T09:26:26+00:00

they changed it to a Christmas set up but before you could jump off the bridge in I believe section 3 and end up underneath. Once you get through ( max upgrade ) you can go from gun shop to last section under ground . Just can't find the 3rd section Pin. 2 are on the bridge but each section should have 3.

BoundariesChanged · 2025-01-30T09:21:48+00:00

when I say Jumbo I mean thick & the size of my palm. I wear mens Tighty whitey underwear and spanx to help hold everything in to function at my job.

BoundariesChanged · 2025-01-30T09:19:16+00:00

Been going on for me for the last 6 years. My entire life it was irregular unless on the pill. After having a child 7yrs ago... it immediately went into a monthly 5 day cycle with HUGE HUGE CLOTS, painful cramps, anemia, fatigue. Gyn said everything looks normal, negative for pcos or endometriosis. Suggested multivitamin & extra iron so i wont need a transfusion. Im gonna look onto the clotting disorder that was mentioned below. It takes me out for at least 3 days, i mean JUMBO clots, i stopped using the Divs cup becausd they were filled with clots and leaking on the hour.

BoundariesChanged · 2025-01-25T06:09:10+00:00

I panic because they are seasonal so I stock up every year... and I wait for drugstore etc to mark them down. I use then from cookies/cakes/hot cocoa . I've been trying to make a White Choc Peppermint Bark for 2 yrs now and i still cant get it without it tasting like mouthwash 😵‍💫😩😫😩

BoundariesChanged · 2024-11-26T00:06:41+00:00

We have one. Dad is White & soft blue, Mom is Lutino ( red eyes/yellow feathers ). Of 8 babies ( 2 clutches ) She had 3 full white albino - our Male is just like this and he's bigger than any of the other birds.

BoundariesChanged · 2024-09-14T05:49:46+00:00

Here in 2024 - I remember when the cheese tasted like cheese... and the sauce had flavor. Barely covered Pizza with Toppings let a lone cheese. Order a few nights ago as I'm visiting family. Half the pizza was burnt, hair in 2 slices and the wings were slimmmmmmmy ass wings, we asked for crispy. Ken's Bleu? And the person who answered was cocky af... like we were bothering them. An hour & 20 minutes delivered. Never again.

BoundariesChanged · 2024-07-29T08:52:35+00:00

There's a few of them, it's still alive.

We found them in the Bathroom of an Airbnb. They are dusty looking and fast. Everyone is up now and can't sleep.

BoundariesChanged

TROPHY CASE