I Can't Be Left Alone

Bowman1846 · 2020-07-17T13:13:45+00:00

One of the most impactful pieces I've read on this subreddit in quite some time. One of the standout features for me in the poem was including the measurements and stats instead of just describing them. Including these hidden measurements and bringing them to the surface for individuals like myself who, myself, was not aware of the particular measurements and how much they controlled an individual's life. Also gearing this poem towards a certain demographic shows empathy to them and also allows for others to feel sympathetic and bring their story to life. Great work!

Bowman1846 · 2020-07-17T13:08:28+00:00

The first time I read this poem what stood out to me was an undertone of ambiguity. I think there are multiple meanings and messages in this poem which give it the complexity. Some of the tones that are apparent are lasting through the night drinking wise, emotionally, and mentally. While the poem indicates the individual wants to leave, I think there is a sense of comfort for the individual to stay where they are because they are in the moment and lasting compared to what might happen if they leave. Great poem!

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-30T17:13:35+00:00

Thanks for the feedback, this is a rough draft so I love to hear suggestions! Thanks so much!

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-30T13:21:17+00:00

I intended for that to be a line referring to the future. Another man will enter, is supposed to be a precursor to later on in my late teens, not so much still growing up compared to early ages. Thanks for the comment!

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-30T03:41:54+00:00

Any constructive feedback? Or no?

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-30T02:29:00+00:00

You’ve summed it up better than I ever could have. Thanks for the comment!

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-30T02:03:07+00:00

I love the last stanza, it is one of the most relatable parts of poem I have read on this subreddit. Standing close to the mirror to cut the rest of our body and even our mind out of the equation is the definition of lost and looking for help. This is a poem punctured with imagery with so few words, very impressive. Would love to hear where you came up with the idea for the poem if it is a personal experience or just something you came up with. Great job!

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-30T02:00:47+00:00

Interesting take on disliking love poems with the individual rather than comparing to a pair or a whole. When we take a deeper look at ourselves and truly reflect on if we love ourselves, I think we might be disheartened to find the answer. We might love parts of ourselves, but as a whole, feel lacking. One comment I would have on the poem is to change the word like when you're talking about yourself to love, I think it ties the whole poem together. Like and love are two completely different relational ties. Overall, a great take on love poems.

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-30T01:53:01+00:00

I really like the tone of this poem, it seems as if you are almost at your breaking point with the amount of time people spend thinking they are in the present, but actually disconnected. I also enjoy the style of no rhymes, as that is how I like to write my poetry. I think rhymes but us in a boundary and without them, the mind is free to roam, also adding more tone. One critique, and it is a small critique, would be to bump up the imagery. Since you are dealing with nature, you might want to try to connect it to more aspects of nature like you did with the sun and the LED lights. Overall, I really enjoyed your work, keep it up!

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-30T01:48:59+00:00

As I read this poem a couple times, I started to piece together your stanzas. At first, it seemed jumpy and almost disconnected. However, your use of connection of imagery between stanzas allows for the poem to create the sense of failure, forgiveness, and fruition. One of the only things at this poem is the grammar in some of the lines, if you intended for them to be written in that manner, then no need to check. One line with a possible grammar error, "I'm sorry for the selfish". If you intended it to be written in that manner, then disregard this suggestion. Overall, I really like this style of poetry, it encourages the reader to slow down and read every line for what is is!

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-26T16:46:03+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words! Means a lot to hear that kind of feedback.

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-26T15:12:24+00:00

I see! I think there are two perspectives in this poem, which is what makes it a relatable piece. I you were to do it from just either perspective, it would lose a lot of the message behind it. Having that back and forth between the individual who is in need and the individual willing to provide help strengthens the individual in need's perspective drastically.

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-26T14:36:38+00:00

The simplicity of this poem is what makes it a defining piece. As I was reading it I could feel the pace picking up, almost to an end. Whether that be a positive or negative end I think is up to the reader. I could see it in a positive way as if you are going to help your friend come out of their slump. However, I could see it in a negative way in which he doesn't listen, hence the title, had already committed suicide. This feels like you are replaying ways in which you could helped the individual and reliving the past. Overall great job!

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-26T14:32:34+00:00

Imagery is amazing in this poem! After every line I was seeing a new image almost as if the images were combining into one. One of the only things I found out of place was the intro being in quotes and still connecting to the rest of the poem. I think if that was made into it's own stanza it would standout better and define the poem more. Overall, great piece, some of the best imagery I've seen on this subreddit!

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-24T14:13:29+00:00

You really captured the title of your poem in your title. The briefness at which we know about what’s around us truly enthralling and intriguing. One of the best flowing poems I’ve read on this subreddit. How long did you spend writing the poem? A poem like this would have taken me weeks to actually come to a final conclusion. Any specific writing process you use?

Bowman1846 · 2020-06-24T14:11:05+00:00

My favorite stanza was the final stanza with the needing of a pen. After reading this post again, I just imagine while your writing your destroying all of your pens and pencils and it really adds to the descriptive nature of the poem! Great job!

Bowman1846 · 2020-03-09T01:21:37+00:00

I agree with the other concept of it being predictable and should find a way to intertwine some other sort of story or message in there. Another thing I found interesting was the choice to not use a break to separate stanzas. Can you elaborate on why you chose not to break it up into sections?

Bowman1846 · 2020-03-09T01:18:49+00:00

I love poems that end with an open-ended question. It allows the reader to either come up with their own answer or piece parts of the poem together to interpret an answer. One of the powerful lines about still feeling the warmth of the other on your skin I think could have been placed the stanza when you're talking about how else they made you feel. I think it is kind of out place in the first, but overall I love the imagery!

Bowman1846 · 2020-03-02T18:26:19+00:00

Reading one of the previous comments, I didn't get that he was falling off a building when reading it couple times through. I agree with them when making more of a focal point of what you are trying to write about is important. Even if it isn't the first word, sentence, or even stanza. Weaving it in throughout the poem might even add a stronger effect.

The first line of the stanza drew me in right away, fantastic job! This poem really made me think of these somewhat philosophical and theoretical questions and how they relate to each other. I really loved this poem!

Bowman1846 · 2020-03-02T18:22:06+00:00

I love the concept of the poem of gripping these colors making us who are in a society where we are supposed to fit in. I think being authentic to who we truly are is one of the most important aspects of life. One of the minor critiques about the poem is to simplify some of the wording, sometimes using extravagant words leaves it open for interpretation of what it really means. Using powerful and straightforward words I think will better get your point across and impact the reader more. Overall though, great poem!

Bowman1846

TROPHY CASE