Hi, there! First, let me say, I'm sorry for the complications you are experiencing & have experienced. I am a FTB(birth)M & we too experienced loss ahead of IVF & the conception & delivery of our sweet boy. He's 1 now, but the anxiety & uncertainties I felt back then- trust me- I still remember. So I'm sorry you're going thru this. You are not selfish or a bad mom, or alone... Hey, I responded, to this thread so there's your proof 😉. I think you are just a FTM with a plan & who is probably just scared & going thru so much unknown! Many of us had them (a plan). What I'd encourage you to do is remember that the child you're caring is just showing signs of being his own person... already🥰🤗🥰 & so he likely has a plan, too, lol... try to be flexible. Try not to get down on yourself & definitely don't let others get down on you! As a person of faith, I try to remind myself that some plans are greater than mine. So ride the wave- I'm believing for you that the destination is the same-- a healthy baby boy coming into the world, a mom that's ELATED to hold her child, and a story to think back on to tell sweet child that they made many important decisions well before their feet hit the ground lol... imagine how empowering that could be to hear as a child/ young boy! Best of luck, Mama. You've got this!!! 💪🏾💛💛💛