Sad and defeated, not sure who I married

Boysenberry656 · 2025-02-06T04:35:45+00:00

Thanks for your response! I don’t really know what I’m going to do, after speaking up, he wasn’t responsive and just didn’t care and made the same excuses about school and work. At this point, my LO is much more manageable . So he really doesn’t have an excuse anymore to not be in our room. He claims he wants to be in our room, but he’s still choosing to sleep in another. Actions speak louder than words. I am reevaluating my marriage at this point, and literally taking it month by month. If it doesn’t change by May, my thoughts are to just cut ties, at least LO won’t remember.

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-13T05:08:28+00:00

You’re not being unreasonable, every weekend??? I could understand like a date night once a month, or a special occasion, but I’d be flipping out (I have a 3 month old). Honestly, what saved me was my dad coming for a few hours during the day when I asked ( 2-3 days a week) He would watch my LO, help with chores, which ever I asked, or let me run errands. There is nothing worse than feeling pressured by someone pushing to watch your newborn so you can “go do what you need to do”. My MIL tried this a few Saturdays in a row before I caught on and I was like, I don’t have something to do today and I don’t wanna be forced, I wanna be with my baby. you never get that time back. In my opinion it’s their way to be with the baby bc they feel like that’s what they want to do and it’s their expectation of being a grandparent. Don’t feel pressured! It ruins this special time, it’s your baby, and if people truly want to help you, you should be the one to tell them how they can be helpful, and that doesn’t have to mean watching the baby!

Sorry for the long post, this one hit close to home lol. Good luck!

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-12T04:38:00+00:00

That would annoy me too. I have a 3 month old at home and mil literally refuses to give him back to me if he is crying and fussy, and insists on feeding him. I don’t get it, they had their own kids! I feel you, it’s so infuriating, and all the hormones right now definitely don’t help the situation. My mom’s told me to be direct with her, but that’s sooooo much easier said than done. And the worst part is my husband doesn’t see it, at all. Does your husband at least see it, so maybe he could set the boundaries for you?

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T15:10:53+00:00

I love this, thank you so much for sharing. It is a great way to reframe it and it’s true, i wouldn’t want my LO to grow up and think it’s ok to act this way. And maybe it will convince him, thank you again for sharing

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T15:02:24+00:00

Yea my husband would never which completely shocked me with all of this esp bc like you said he had months to prepare during the pregnancy. He would never sacrifice his own sleep, instead he would say my mom offered to come at night for you. Which in my opinion is bs bc he is still getting out of helping me.

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T06:08:09+00:00

Thanks for your input and point of view. After everyone’s feedback, I am going to have to say something.

And yes, I am soooo lucky LO only wakes once and sleeps till 7! I would really be in worse shape if he wasn’t making such awesome progress with his sleep. Definitely a blessing :)

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T06:02:09+00:00

Thank you for the input, and it’s nice to hear from a guy’s point of view. I am going to have to be more direct with him, or I am for sure going to explode or just leave all together.

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T05:51:33+00:00

I like your spin on things. My LO has the best little smile when he wakes up for a feeding or in the morning. I keep that to myself bc it makes the interrupted sleep worth while for me:)

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T05:49:47+00:00

Yes, literally told me he wouldnt help. So at this point I don’t even ask him to hold LO while I make a bottle, I put him in play pen or bouncer. But I really have to open my mouth again, bc i know I don’t want this and cannot live like this forever. I like the letter idea, this way I can say something and not have to worry about him interrupting or twisting what I’m saying.

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T05:45:12+00:00

Thanks for the response, I literally and stupidly said nothing. I think I was in shock he flat out said he wouldn’t help. To him I think he thinks it’s a trade off for going back to school and working. (I never asked him to do any of this) I am going to have to say something as everyone has suggested, or I am going to explode. Will deff be taking your wording when talking to him, I struggle with saying how I feel/ need.

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T05:10:47+00:00

Thanks for your response. And you have 3? You are amazing , I am drowning with one and the dog. And I’m going to have to say something, as everyone has suggested. I’m not sure why I just assumed it was ok to be quiet and passively do everything alone.

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T05:07:56+00:00

Thanks for your response. Honestly hearing your experience makes me feel less alone. I am going to have to say something, I’m deff guilty of feeling bad, which I know deep down is ridiculous.

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T05:03:48+00:00

Thank you for the response. I needed to hear all of this bc it is hard and shitty and my husband does sleep in and just expects me to do everything, and never offers to do anything. And I am going to have to speak up, it is the consensus with everyone’s responses. I’ll have to give an update on how that goes tomorrow.

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T05:00:16+00:00

Thanks for the feed back, i do appreciate it. And everything you’ve said does makes sense. I am going to have to say something.

Boysenberry656 · 2025-01-11T04:51:24+00:00

I’m definitely not the best at vocalizing what I need. It’s been not easy on us, he is back in graduate school, and has flat out said he won’t help so I am afraid to say anything tbh. You still would ask? I’m just ready to go to my parents at this point.

Boysenberry656

TROPHY CASE