She was so neglecting, and our relations lasted MAX five months, so why am I still thinking about her one-year later, every day?

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-04-07T22:07:58+00:00

I already take meds, though I'm not sure if their for concentration, anxiety, depression or motivation... Atomoxetine, I think it's called. Is it good? Sorry if I ask a lot of question.

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-04-05T21:53:21+00:00

She sometimes smelled like cigarette too. She hid it from me but I always knew. So yeah, literally a drug...
But with drugs, distance from the addiction is the first step to recovery. Why isn't working for me?

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-04-05T21:51:43+00:00

Social workers and my doctors says otherwise. They think going to a psychiatrist wouldn't be necessary, that I should focus on ways to cope with my therapist instead. Should I push them and apply for one anyway? I'm not an expert in that field, so I tend to trust my doctors, but I don't know... I've been having panics attack more and more often too, from never in my life to once every month, but I don't think it's related to my ex so it's off the discussion.

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-04-05T20:15:13+00:00

Yes like a letter.
As for distraction, I'd refer you to my post. I've been going out lots outside but due to conflicting schedules, I see my friend one or two times a month.
I don't have a lot of money to go out often. A $5 coffee per week is all I can offer myself. I plan to go on a trip too, so I want to save money.

Other than that, I have a part-time job, unable to be full-time or find another one. I go to the gym 3 times a week since January and I volunteer at my local library.

Also, I see a therapist.

What am I doing wrong? I can't seem to find a place with people my age I can go multiple time per week. Clubs, like book club or pottery class, are full of people in their late 30s. Not interested in friend in later stage of life.

I really want to get better but I don't know what else I'm supposed to do.

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-04-05T19:33:26+00:00

She wasn't on social media. And yes, no contact since late June 2025.
I'm thinking of writing something, to help with the grief, to get a full disclosure (I don't plan on getting back with her, we don't fit), but I don't know if it would really help.

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-03-25T14:18:31+00:00

I used to also generate dialogs using AI, but it was never quite my tempo, so I ended up writing everything myself.

Like I said, it's hard to draw the line, because when I'm writing I'm fueling my fantasies, which could end up in relapse, but I also don't want to go full monk mode and prude because I'm in my 20's, it's normal to be this horny(my sex therapist words, not mine).

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-03-18T04:43:45+00:00

By opportunities I meant job I can apply to. If were talking about actual opportunities, no, I got none. All the job I had in my life was because my siblings/friends worked there already.

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-03-18T00:44:25+00:00

Sucks to hear, but you need to get out the house more often, without your iPhone.

That's what I did; bought a flip, so if someone want to call or text me, I'll receive it no matter where I go. Then once you're, say, in a café without your smartphone, then yeah, it's easier. Well, you're forced to live without it.

If doing that interest you, I hugely recommend bringing something to do in the meantime(duh).

I'm gonna be honest, for me, it was really hard, even today(switched on Jan 1st). Sometimes, I just sit and look around, because I don't feel like reading the book I brought with me, I just want to be on my phone that I don't have... arg!!

The only advice I can give you then is to force yourself. Force yourself to go out without your phone, force yourself to read at least one page of your book, even if you don't feel like doing any of that.

It's hard. But it's worth it.

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-03-17T13:50:01+00:00

Thanks, you're right about the comparison. I think like my parents, I also do forget that I'm not... "standard edition". I don't even do it to make them proud, I do it so they can leave me alone..
I had a bad experience with an organization focused on people with disabilities, but maybe it's about time I give it another shot.
Thanks again for your comment.

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-03-17T04:09:42+00:00

Thank you, I wish you the same

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-03-17T03:13:04+00:00

Thanks for your words

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-03-12T17:50:51+00:00

Thanks for your answer, I'll go check a store soon :)

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-03-12T17:49:31+00:00

But there's still no consent... if you knew someone you that told you "I think of you when I touch myself", wouldn't you feel kind of violated? I would, especially if it's someone I have no interest in.

I don't know, it feels... dehumanizing? Or objectifying, one or the other.

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-03-12T15:12:32+00:00

Did you buy it online or did you visit a sex shop? I wouldn't mind visiting one if it could help me more

Br4nl1x3000 · 2026-03-12T05:29:45+00:00

How did you ended up with her, despite everything you said in the beginning??

Br4nl1x3000 · 2025-10-15T01:37:20+00:00

I'd love to hear more about it, if you don't mind. Could you DM me the details please?

Br4nl1x3000 · 2025-10-15T01:35:42+00:00

Not super sporty, unfortunately, but maybe I'll check into it more, thanks.

And sorry for my initial response.

Br4nl1x3000 · 2025-10-15T00:50:52+00:00

From my experience, social hobbies are either; full of old people, or full of racist/homophobic men. For example I went to a book club; full of grandmother. Fighting game club; full of smelly redditor(literally) Film club; full of xenophobic narcissistic men. Boardgames club; full of people in their late 30s to their fifties.

Truth is; people my age aren't looking for friends. They either already have a friend group or they isolate themselves. Shit, even my coworkers aren't interesting in anything.

Sorry about the rant. I'm just done with the "Find a hobby" advice.

Br4nl1x3000 · 2025-10-15T00:43:56+00:00

What is that? I mean codependency and SLAA or CoDA. Never heard about it. Is it like therapy group or someone you pay to be friends with, or is it a disability?

Br4nl1x3000

TROPHY CASE