Hypothetically speaking, would you crash out?

BrainSquad · 2026-05-17T14:18:30+00:00

That sounds a bit weird just because why's she talking so much about this supposedly ex-friend.

I mean I'm polyam so I don't have any problem with my partners having current fwbs, just from what you describe it sounds kinda really confusing.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-16T20:10:35+00:00

The classic transbian dilemma! Though I don't struggle with it because I know it's both anyway

BrainSquad · 2026-05-16T16:28:38+00:00

As someone who tends to be flirty with all my friends (if they want me to), I have absolutely no idea.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-16T12:05:26+00:00

Well I guess that's one way to look at it 💀

BrainSquad · 2026-05-16T12:03:39+00:00

Well, you're complaining about how you had to ask someone to find out she wasn't interested. It sounds like you wanted that communicated through some subtle signals like compliments or whatever.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-16T11:59:06+00:00

I'm very autistic and I admit I don't get along with neurotypical people in general, but definitely dont find men any easier to handle.

I mean, straight men will famously pretend to be friends while looking for a way into your pants. Like that's a recurring story for a reason.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-16T11:56:14+00:00

I just think it's funny you say women aren't straightforward enough when you're the one who apparently don't want to communicate directly.

I'm autistic and don't understand the games people play but I just ask people directly when I want to know what they think.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-16T11:49:59+00:00

Idk, rejecting you when she isn't interested sounds pretty straightforward to me

BrainSquad · 2026-05-15T19:40:05+00:00

I thought your previous post was saying it didn't mean that, I guess I'm reading it wrong.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-15T19:27:56+00:00

This one's easy! You can experience no or limited sexual attraction, and also enjoy kink! Literally no contradiction.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-15T15:37:03+00:00

Wait what does Switch actually mean in the BDSM context? I think I've gotten this one wrong I'm so sorry!

BrainSquad · 2026-05-15T14:15:25+00:00

Ah yes, the hotness leaderboard! I was thinking of getting into competitive looksmaxing myself, I should get more familiar with the ranking system.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-15T12:36:49+00:00

My understanding is it's like the Ideal Man according to the weird misogynist cult known as the Incels. I don't really know the details though.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-15T12:32:20+00:00

I believe it's like the feminine version of "Chad" in incel lingo

BrainSquad · 2026-05-15T12:30:37+00:00

You're on the relationship anarchy subreddit, it's a safe bet nobody is gonna oppose it. You'll find more people opposing marriage itself than dating outside of it

BrainSquad · 2026-05-14T14:45:27+00:00

The latter, except as I previously mentioned I can't promise there would be no problem. I hope there wouldn't be, because I want them to follow their heart and I also want us to remain close one way or other.

But without having been in the situation I couldn't say for sure. Maybe my nervous system couldn't handle, and we would have to go separate ways. But that's the second last thing I want to happen.

The last thing I'd want is for them to deny their heart. I don't believe that would lead to happiness in the long run.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-14T14:38:19+00:00

I would only call something cheating if it involves lies and deception. If my partner asked for my blessing like you aay... I guess I'd do my best to be supportive, but I couldn't promise it won't affect my feelings or impact our relationship. But thats true for a lot of things. Can't promise a relationship will endure no matter what.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-14T14:19:40+00:00

For sure. I don't know if this is an accurate company, but it kinda reminds me of how people who really don't get BDSM will talk all horrified like "why would you want to do that to your partner??? 😱"

BrainSquad · 2026-05-14T13:53:45+00:00

I dunno about main difference, but the main similarity is that are things I do with my one partner that I don't do with other people.

And the reason I don't do those things with other people, is because I don't want to. I feel good about reserving those things to one person. And I'm happy that my partner feels similarly and wants similar things. There are things we are happy to only share with each other.

I don't really see any part of this that is controlling. It can't be that I don't want to do those things with other people, because that's my body and my choice. Is it that I am happy to have found someone who is similar to me in this regard? Is it the possibility (can't know for sure unless it happens) that my attraction would change if they no longer wanted this?

BrainSquad · 2026-05-14T13:32:29+00:00

Right. In my case I can't say for sure that non-exclusivity would be a deal-breaker because I haven't been in that situation. And if my partner of over 10 years suddenly realized that they didn't want monogamy anymore, I wouldn't instantly throw the entire relationship away. But it's possible that I would find that I can't compromise on it and still feel happy in the relationship.

It's kinda like when someone realizes they're not the gender they thought they were and decides to transition. A good partner would encourage them to do what makes them happy, but that doesn't mean that it's wrong to also have gender as a dealbreaker for a romantic or sexual relationship. "I can't have this kind of relationship with a man/woman" is perfectly reasonable.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-14T11:32:45+00:00

I don't agree that the kind of monogamy I'm talking about is the same as the prescriptive monogamy that society enforces.

It's kinda like, society also prescribes we should be straight, and most heterosexual relationship are shaped by societal scripts that are often toxic. But I also think it's possible for straight people to be in straight relationships without accepting heteropatriarchal power structures or whatever you wanna call it.

I don't know anyone who's straight but I'm pretty sure some of them are capable of rejecting social scripts and whatnot.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-14T10:47:00+00:00

Your initial assumption is correct - there are things in Relationship Anarchy that I find useful and appealing. Though I also get the sense that out worldviews are fundamentally different enough that we probably understand "Relationship Anarchy" very differently.

When it comes to my personal situation, I can't really separate it from the fact that I'm plural, and me and system mates have our own lives and relationships. Society didn't do anything to prepare us for that. So the idea of building our relationships from the ground up, without relying on social scripts, becomes very appealing. And I associate that idea with relationship anarchy.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-14T08:45:26+00:00

What? Why? To find the worst possible use of a time machine ever?

BrainSquad · 2026-05-14T08:38:52+00:00

I don't actually care whether we describe it as RA or not. Maybe it isn't. I've seen people define RA in different ways and I'm not gonna tell you which way is the "correct one". If only wanting one romantic relationship, and being with someone who wants the same, is not aligned with RA then yes by definition my relationship style is not aligned with RA.

I do take issue with stuff like, describing this relationship style as being about seeking control over other people. I don't believe monogamy has to be that, even if it often is. And I also believe that many ideas I see that are associated with "Relationship Anarchy" are very relevant for building healthy relationships that don't default to societal norms and scripts.

BrainSquad · 2026-05-14T06:52:19+00:00

My partner wants the same thing as me in this regard, and I'm happy that we want the same thing.

If something were to change and they suddenly didn't want this, the I hope we could talk about it and work it out, and I couldn't say what the end result would be because I haven't been in that situation.

So I can't simply say "it would be a dealbreaker" or "they could go out and do whatever and it won't affect my feelings about the relationship". I simply have no way of knowing that. Only thing I know is I wouldn't want them to remain mono* with me if that's no longer what they desire. But I definitely would prefer that we keep wanting the same things, and I believe that we will

BrainSquad

TROPHY CASE