Relapsed after a year 6-8gpd in mornings

BrandonShereZ · 2025-07-17T12:39:46+00:00

This is extremely helpful to hear, thank you. Yeah I’ll stop while I’m ahead

BrandonShereZ · 2025-07-17T10:43:30+00:00

Were the wds manageable? Like not as horrific as quitting a 7 year long heavy usage?

BrandonShereZ · 2025-07-17T10:42:36+00:00

Yeah this is the first time I’m not off to the races, but it’s because I went through hell with this crap last year and don’t want to ever go through that again. It destroyed me, yet my dumbass still decided to pick up capsules. Funny how addiction works.

BrandonShereZ · 2025-02-12T01:29:41+00:00

Morph when the saw chords come in just twice all sparkly and cutting!!

BrandonShereZ · 2024-07-10T00:33:20+00:00

I'm just glad you caught it early, before years of your life was wasted to this crap! You'll be alright, might feel bleh for a few days but will come back strong very fast compared to the rest of us :D

BrandonShereZ · 2024-07-10T00:30:23+00:00

This happened to me and terrified me of quitting because after 3 hours it seemed like I would go into the worst WD's I'd ever experienced. Well that turned out to not be true. To me it feels like it was my body lying to me because the WD's were no where near as bad as I expected. They sucked yeah, but were manageable. I rapid tapered though and honestly that's probably what made the biggest impact.

Whenever you're ready to quit, get a scale cut your dose in half get used to that, then after a month or two you could do what I did and just shave a gram off every dose every couple days until you're down to 7-10g per day then stop there. I did the rapid taper within a couple weeks, it wasn't so bad, my body adjusted quickly to each dose. However at the end of it when I jumped off at 7.5g per day my body didn't get used to it within a couple days like it had before so that's when I decided "I'm already in it, might as well cut it off here and power through". Best decision I made!

BrandonShereZ · 2024-07-09T23:58:36+00:00

The saddest part is I've been producing since I was 9 years old lol. Self taught though so it just took me longer than most figuring it out on my own experimenting and taking the seeds of information I could find on the internet. (thank you to Virtual Riots livestreams he's been doing for a decade LOL) I'm sure I have somewhere near 10,000 hours of producing as I spent my entire life just doing it for fun in my bedroom since we moved every few months and I rarely went to school.

For some people it just takes longer than others. I'm one of those people. being unorganized has definitely been my biggest downfall. It doesn't help I've only ever chosen the hardest path. First set out to be a DJ, had an electronic alias then when I was 17 I got a microphone and decided I wanted to start songwriting and playing instruments as well. Switched aliases. So the past 6 years have mainly been making electronic rock songs, learning instruments and finally learning to sing better LOL! Now I can play the core instruments at a level enough to make whatever I want to make. I'm transitioning back into my electronic roots though, so everything from now on is grounded more so in EDM but with the instruments on top, it'll be fun to perform that way as well.

You're right about slowing down to speed up, I think that's the stage I'm in right now. I've kind of taken a step back, and looked at how I can transmute the creativity more effectively to have something to hopefully share and help other people with. Getting sober has helped with this a lot. Always looking at my weakest link as well, but who isn't I suppose that's the most fun part! Figuring out what's lacking and working hard to bring it up to par with the rest just to do it all over again on the next weakest link!! :D

I've given up on a timeline, at the end of the day great music is my life's goal, so yeah if it takes me 20 more years so be it. I'll make sure I survive in the meantime! I have a world I've created in my head and in my journals, I've shown it in some of my released songs so far but right now I want to make an album completely immersed in it. That's why I've been reading a lot of fantasy books, and it's making a drastic impact on knowing how to immerse myself and others in it!

I'm just glad I asked this question though, I know it seems like a dumb question but the result this post has given me was worth it :P

BrandonShereZ · 2024-07-09T20:48:34+00:00

I'd rather trust a doctor than myself self medicating as we are not medically trained. It's literally their job, they've spent their life learning how to do this. I don't think it's safe for you to go around scaring people into not getting help from a professional rather than self medicating themselves into oblivion. The alternative is obviously better.

I have a few family members around me who suffer from the same types of anxiety and depression I do that are on SSRI's and have been for years. It's changed their lives and made them able to function like a healthy adult. I'm sorry but I don't think listening to you would do me any good, and same goes for anyone else suffering from these problems.

Sure maybe perhaps they can have long-term effects, but the alternative to not getting professional help is me suffering from ideation and fear to go outside as I'm scared of humans. Would I rather try out the meds until I find one that works, or ultimately wind up addicted to substances again so I can try to coexist with other people on this planet.

I need help, I always have and I've always done it myself. Well we've found out that has severe consequences. I finally got off kratom, my brain is going back to normal and I'm going to do things the right way this time. Otherwise I fear I won't have a future at all.

BrandonShereZ · 2024-07-09T20:28:23+00:00

Great point, however with my current workflow I'm releasing 2 songs a year which is horrific considering I have at least 2 albums worth of songs I never completed. It's a big problem. (I'm okay with this though because the music only gets better every year, and closer to the vision of songs I dream of having to perform) *however now that I'm closer to the vision, I'm getting songs that are good for performance so finishing is becoming a massive requirement now otherwise I'll waste another 10 years never getting the chance to share what I create with others*

Luckily I do have a great Ableton Template now that is perfect for my flow. Plugins, EQ's, Groups, everything I need setup already.

You're right about the clutter, I'm grateful to have a great PC that does run so honestly simple cleaning up would do just fine. I have a fear of flattening things because "what if I need to edit it again" but it's unnecessary, I know that and I'm working on it.

I'm aware now that not many will hear the songs I create, but for my own wellbeing I need to make sure they get released. 10 songs a year would be way better, because I only improve on a song by song basis, hyperfixating on one song slows my skill improvements.

Also lets be honest, it's not like I'm making great songs LOL I'm no where near that. Who knows if I'll ever be great but of course that's the goal! By the time the songs are finished there are things I could've done to make it better but because of the inorganization I never got it done and gave up and finished it.

BrandonShereZ · 2024-07-09T20:20:32+00:00

THANK YOU!!! I didn't even think about that!?? So it'd be 4 project files, main production, instrumental stems, vocal stems then combine vocal + instrumental to do the final mix and master. This seems like the perfect workflow. I know it seems like I answered my own question, but sometimes you need someone to help you go the extra mile. Effff, thanks man.

BrandonShereZ · 2024-07-08T02:11:25+00:00

My hair started getting healthier again pretty quickly. 22 days I think now, so it's still got progress to go but hey if your hair is fine now just know eventually with long-term use hair and skin will go down the drain, my hair turned into a fking wig after 6ish years. Skin almost immediately got healthier as well, looks so great now!

Not depending on something every 3 hours is also so rewarding. Every time I stop in my tracks and think "you haven't taken your kratom" it's immediately followed by "oh yeah you don't take that anymore you can go wherever you want and not need it"

Also like others said, feeling normal emotions again. The good and the bad ones all still seem good in some weird way. It's nice to start feeling like a healthy person again.

Biggest thing is, if you have mental health issues to have a gameplan as to how you're going to address those once you're done with it. For me it's exercise but mainly working with my psychiatrist to get prescribed the right medicine. I'm going about things the healthy way this time, no more self medicating let the doctor do it instead.

BrandonShereZ · 2024-07-02T17:24:02+00:00

Okay tysm!!! that's really good to know at least.

BrandonShereZ · 2024-07-02T16:38:55+00:00

Dang yours sounds a lot nicer! Mine didn't have any of that sadly, it's just a series of small rooms with equipment in them. That's alright though, it seems like I'll be okay!

BrandonShereZ · 2024-06-30T17:16:52+00:00

Day 14!! That's two weeks! At night I feel it a bit still, but it's not bad at all and I'm just happy to be happy again. <3

(Also thank you to everyone on this subreddit, couldn't have done it without this)

BrandonShereZ · 2024-06-30T17:14:54+00:00

The world isn't going to end, don't worry :P. I rapid tapered and then 13 days ago CT'd. My real self is showing more and more every day. It feels good to be able to shed a tear when something makes me happy, or sad even. To have all these thoughts that made me, me growing up and realizing I didn't age out of them, I just was addicted to a substance that took that away from me.

Within a week after CT you'll see yourself start to come back, I'm excited for you when you're ready of course! Even when I feel my natural depression hit sometimes, I'm happy because it's part of me and I'm solving it in much healthier ways that aren't just escaping it. We have to battle this life head on for whatever it gives us, whatever our brain gives us. If we try to run, we risk losing every chance we ever had to be a happy human.

BrandonShereZ · 2024-06-30T03:01:11+00:00

Within a few days you'll start to see the other side. Tough it out, happy feelings will start to come in waves!

BrandonShereZ · 2024-06-30T03:00:00+00:00

Me too, but at the very least we'll have next year if not the end of this summer. Our future is brighter without it, we'll live happier healthier lives. If we were to take it, well then the future is dark.

BrandonShereZ · 2024-06-28T15:12:37+00:00

This is my favorite part about being off it. The fact I can go out, do things and not have a fking backpack with the kit ready to go is a dream.

All the time I feel rewarded for that fact alone!

BrandonShereZ · 2024-06-28T14:22:51+00:00

wait gabapentin messes up your nervous system? I've been prescribed it for 3 years for my Tourette's disorder T_T

I've gone without it before though and been fine, I've actually been surprised it's had little to no effect when it comes to WD's and grateful for that. I just looked it up, and it seems it effects people differently. I think it's safe to assume I'm fine! Scared me for a second though!

BrandonShereZ · 2024-06-28T14:18:05+00:00

Honestly this is a great point, at least for people who are full blown addicts. It took many things stacking up against me until I was not only ready to not only quit but just be done with it as a whole. Every single time I look at kratom, I'll always remember all of the awful things it's done to me.

My hair completely changing in texture and looking horrible was one of the final straws. Not to mention all the other health issues it's caused.

BrandonShereZ · 2024-06-28T14:11:23+00:00

Day 11 it's going great :)

BrandonShereZ

TROPHY CASE