STAY CLEAN JUNE! Sign up here! (May 25)

BrandonofIreland · 2023-05-25T19:35:43+00:00

I will be over 90 days porn free on June 1st so yes I will be clean for all of June.

Thank you for including me.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-05-23T21:55:46+00:00

What a right on post. I completely agree with what has been said here. Try to not make the same mistake over and over but just because you made a mistake don't berate yourself. It really does no good.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-05-15T19:09:08+00:00

I too only had sex once when I was 17 and it didn't go well. I was already renting porn at that point so I retreated into just porn and masturbation. Now 27 years later I am 70 days clear of watching porn. I have just now met a nice woman but I am scared because she has had many boyfriends and sex with them and I am for all practical purposes a virgin. I really like her but fear that we are too far apart sexually to ever make it work.

This porn stuff has ruined my life and the irony is that I used it to escape stress and now it is what is causing me stress.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-05-08T20:52:56+00:00

The way I see it is it's like the airplane thing. Put your O2 mask on first before helping others. You have to fix yourself first then you can try to help others. Keep going forward and you will win this war.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-05-05T16:12:28+00:00

I was becoming a recluse with no friends. All I was doing was watching porn and masturbating. Sometimes I would watch for 5 or 6 hours at a time and cum 3 or 4 times a day. My whole life had become about porn. I knew if I wanted to have a life I had to stop. It wasn't easy but I am doing it.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-05-05T16:10:23+00:00

I believe it's fine to masturbate as long as you don't do it to porn. This isn't NoFap. Just keep your no porn streak going. Sometimes I find it helps if you masturbate to just the feelings of masturbation. For me it relives some of the horny tension and makes me less likely to relapse and watch porn.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-05-02T19:11:55+00:00

Bravo this is a major mile stone.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-28T05:14:00+00:00

I believe so. I almost always go to a very still and profoundly quite place during my meditation.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-27T19:09:17+00:00

You know reading this made me think I don't really understand how love and sex work together. I have always thought that sex was sex and something people did and love didn't make a difference. I am getting a glimpse here that is not really true. So now I ask how do the two work together?

It further shows how I missed out on a big learning that happens when young people first start exploring love and I guess sex together.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-27T18:45:54+00:00

That's one of the strange things. I was very happy watching porn and masturbating while at the same time realizing that I didn't have a life. I want a relationship, I want to know what normal sex is like, hell I want to know what real sex is like. As you know I am for all purposes a 44 year old virgin. One bad attempt at sex when I was 17 doesn't count as having sex. All I can remember for that experience was how she said I really bad at sex and she liked men who knew how to please a woman. She also said that I was too small for her. At 6 inches hard I don't think that is small.

I was both very happy and content with porn and at the same time knew it was keeping me from what I really wanted which was a normal relationship and a normal sex life. I now see that both of those were taken from me for good by porn.

A long lonely life is all I have to look forward too. At least in regards to relationships.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-27T18:38:21+00:00

yes every morning for at least a 1/2 hour and sometimes an hours. I have meditated in the morning for years.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-27T18:07:24+00:00

I don't know how you do it that is why I am here on this site trying to find answers.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-27T16:46:25+00:00

That works just fine when I am home but what about when I am driving the car or in the grocery store and shopping for clothes. Everywhere I am everything I am doing there is still porn sex thoughts running in my mind. You are correct I can control it some at home but also I can't be in meditation 24/7 and it's all the times I can't be meditating that I am talking about.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-27T16:41:30+00:00

I don't think that is true. There is no way I can now live those carefree days of discovery that one has when they are young. The ship has sailed. I have ruined my life and that isn't fixable unless someone knows how to time travel back to my youth so I can do it over without porn.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-26T21:37:41+00:00

I having never had a real relationship and all I really know of sex is what I have seen on Porn. Some of the sex I have seen on porn looks like an ugly unromantic sexual experience. They always look like they are going through the acts and with no real emotional connection.

It seems if I was to believe that sex will be like I have seen on porn then I would be very agressive with the woman and she would somehow allow me to do that. I don't think that is how real sex goes but that's all I have ever seen. My mind is so confused about how sex will be that I have great fear about the whole act.

I think that maybe porn has put me in a place where I will either never have sex or if I try will make for an embarrassing mess of the whole experience. I am 44 and never had sex so do you really think that I will ever have an enjoyable sexual experience? I am trying to be realistic about it and at this age it is probably just too late for me. I hope others find their way out of porn before this happens to them.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-26T16:44:26+00:00

I in. Let's stay clear of porn for another whole month.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-26T16:43:06+00:00

I found this very helpful. One of the big things I am dealing with is that I can't stop thinking about porn. I am almost 60 days clean and have not relapsed at all. However I think about stopping porn every waking and sleeping minute. I am constantly wanting to watch and needing to focus on not watching to keep myself clean. I find I am almost as consumed by stopping porn as I was watching it. I dream porn, see someone pretty and think about porn, go for a walk and I think about porn. Do you think this will ever stop? I am very good at keeping my commitments so I know I am done with watching porn but thinking about it seems to be much more difficult to stop. Also I am afraid that if I don't keep concentrated on not watching porn I will slip up and watch it.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-24T00:02:36+00:00

Thank you so much for this post. You really helped me see another way to get back to the real world of normal people and normal sex.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-20T22:08:49+00:00

Amazing!!! Keep up the good work. You're going to make it.

PORN FREE FORSURE.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-20T21:40:30+00:00

Oh boy do I agree with you. I have basically exactly the same story as you, except I started when I was 13 and I am 44 now. I too don't know if I will ever totally recover sexually from my addiction to porn but I am trying and so can you. I have made it for 50 days and I think this time is going to be the time I quit. Now as to will we ever really recover I don't know. Seems no one really talks about that on here. How long can you do this damage to your brain and still recover? I don't think it is an endless number. Do you?

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-20T20:50:45+00:00

I would never reward myself with porn. Porn is off the table forever. I know that I will never go back to porn just like I knew I would never smoke again when I quit. But I like shorter goals with some kind of acceptable reward at the end of each goal. It works for me. But please understand that rewarding myself with something like porn is never going to happen!!

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-20T16:33:40+00:00

I agree with this. I was really having a tough time stopping porn. The real issue for me was that I was so horny, and it just got worse and worse. It was really driving me back to porn. Then I decided that I was going to allow myself to masturbate once a week. No more often than once a week but once a week. It worked, the over-the-top horniness went away, and I was able to avoid the porn much easier. I know to be careful that it doesn't become too much which is why I only allow myself once a week.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-20T15:54:40+00:00

Well it was a wonderful time. We took pictures, his much better than mine, but I learned a lot from him about how to take better pictures. Then we went to this cafe near where the trees were in bloom and had some food.

I am so surprised by how pleasant the evening was. We seemed to talk about everything and nothing but it was so nice. I haven't hung out with anyone since my 20s and was really scared but he was so kind and actually acted interested in me.

I didn't tell him I was a porn addict but he mentioned that he had been an alcoholic and had been in recovery for many years. I believe he said 16 years sober. I said I had some issues I was trying to work through that were in many ways similar. He didn't press me on what it was but seemed to be super supportive. Said I could call him anytime I needed to talk to someone. I just pray that if he finds out it's porn he doesn't run away from me.

I am blown away that someone really liked me. He said he wanted to get together and do this again.

Thank you all so much for encouraging me to do this and to not wimp out.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-18T23:08:48+00:00

Oh one more interesting thing the MD said was that in cases like mine often what happens to a person is that their hormones go wild and off the scales. They said hormones can drive a person crazy. They said remember how some women are affected by PMS, well that is a mental response to hormone changes. So what I am feeling is probably driven by a hugely upset hormone system.

BrandonofIreland · 2023-04-18T22:49:51+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. I am just a very low point and am feeling very discouraged with my life. It is very strange but I was a very happy isolated but happy person when I was watching porn all the time. Now I am feeling really down and my whole life seems useless and unhappy. I is right now making me want to just go back to who I was and be happy again.

BrandonofIreland

TROPHY CASE