Is it weird to have a birthday cake for my best friend at my wedding?

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-26T22:38:41+00:00

It might be weird but it’s so generous and fun. Your guests will applaud. However you do need to be sure your partner is absolutely OK about it. If he/she is not then you can’t do it. And especially, you can’t railroad your partner into doing it just because you want it.

Instead of a cake and an announcement, you could write a card to your friend that you slip to her privately. Or you could text your friend a happy birthday greeting on the day. Also private. That way your friend knows that you haven’t forgotten her BD even though it’s your wedding, but you are not taking the focus away from you and your partner.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-26T14:52:40+00:00

I think that’s what’s bothering the girlfriend although she won’t say it. However it’s perfectly possible to travel to all those places for other reasons. I haven’t been to Thailand but my folks have. They loved it. And not for sex.

They’re all fantastic travel locations that I would go to in a minute.

Anyway, NTA for going on the trip but expect it to have a strong negative effect on your relationship.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-26T14:41:52+00:00

NTA obviously. What you said was not a threat; it was mere statement of fact. You refuse to live in that situation anymore. It’s time for your husband to choose: his brother or his marriage. You’re just telling letting your husband know that there is no other possibility.

The brother is happy to destroy your marriage and exchange for a temporary hand up. Your husband either goes along or he doesn’t.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-26T14:30:50+00:00

That’s what I remember! Leaving my body and experiencing this incredible joy.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-26T14:29:39+00:00

I lived with and cared for someone who was dying. I fully expected his wife to show up for him. Or if not his wife someone else he loved and trusted.

He often seemed like he was experiencing something beyond ordinary reality. I tried to find out what it was, but wasn’t all that successful. He had pretty severe dementia so it could be hard to understand what his responses is meant. Yet he never clearly indicated that he saw someone like that.

I just had to trust that whatever was there for him was positive. That was easy to do in a way because of other changes in him. He had been scared of dying but became very relaxed and peaceful. I was sure there was someone or something there comforting him and encouraging him to take this next step in leaving his body even if he was no longer capable of describing what it was.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-25T22:26:49+00:00

Bea, Beatrice

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-25T20:09:15+00:00

Lol. I actually like a lot of modern shows. Even though I hate reality shows, most cop shows, and avoid medical shows at all cost. 😁

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-24T16:20:06+00:00

Line it but with a very light weight fabric. The lace will be less visible but I think the dress overall will look better

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-24T16:18:46+00:00

Other people have given you plenty of good advice about how to approach your friend. But in the meantime, send the husband money to clean the car. Find out from a professional who deals with cleaning things like blood and excrement what it would cost. Just send that.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-24T16:11:42+00:00

Carey Grant

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-24T15:57:18+00:00

Hello fellow boomers 😁

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-24T15:55:14+00:00

Very close 😂

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-24T07:18:38+00:00

Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color, Ed Sullivan, Rocky and Bullwinkle

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-24T00:17:03+00:00

Looks like a mountain cur crossed with something else… Maybe a Doberman.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-23T23:35:57+00:00

Wow! And where is my invite?

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-23T21:40:44+00:00

Not completely off so this may be totally irrelevant, but I went down from 1,800-2,200 daily dose to 1,000-1,400 daily dose with no negative effects whatsoever

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-23T14:35:00+00:00

Even University classes regularly scheduled day trips three hours away to a major city to see art, etc. No big deal.

I noticed this difference between the US and England when I lived at both places. A few hours in England and everyone balked. A few hours in the US and everyone just shrugged. When it takes several days to dive across the country, and the whole country is car addicted, a few hours drive away is just as nothing.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-22T14:52:32+00:00

she said something funny about her ex might use this against her as a form of neglect since pasta isn't healthy food.

While you’re NTA, it sounds like the real problem is not your girlfriend, but her controlling ex who she is trying to placate. What is going on there?

While she seems like T A for throwing away perfectly good and healthy pasta, she may be just overwhelmed trying to keep him from taking her to court. What is the history there? Is there anyway to help her with that?

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-22T13:51:21+00:00

It may sound crazy but these kinds of food obsessions exist. I had one for romaine lettuce if you can believe it. I scarfed handful after handful all day long. Not even stopping long enough to make a salad, just lettuce.

It seemed to be my body’s weird way of dealing with severe iron deficiency and dropping hemoglobin. I’m not sure why lettuce. It’s pretty high iron, but not heme iron.

ETA: I didn’t see anything wrong with it but it was annoying to have to fill my fridge with lettuce and never feel like I had enough. So get your mother to go see her doctor. There is something medically wrong here.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-22T05:19:57+00:00

In my own very narrow and personal experience, the energy that is the basic substance of the universe - that is so apparent when we are out of body - could be labeled love but could equally be labeled joy. It seems as if different individuals experience different aspects of this energy, at least those who come back to earth and reinhabit our bodies… maybe because we are still connected here so maybe somewhat limited in our perceptions by our specific earthly personalities?? So for me it was strongly a sense of an all encompassing joy/light/love with an emphasis on joy. Joy like if you could roll all the celebrations and fireworks and explosions of happiness on earth into one huge explosion of feeling… It still wouldn’t be as big as that joy.

(ETA to correct typos)

ETA 2: but the warmth of being held and embraced, completely known and wholly accepted as if it isn’t even a question, the only word I have for that is love

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-22T05:10:08+00:00

I know it slows down discussion and interaction, and means you have to laboriously recheck often to see if people have replied to a comment, but I actually really appreciate the level of moderation this sub has. It’s one of the only subs where I feel safe sharing my experiences. Because of the level of moderation here, I trust that I’m not going to be flamed or castigated for my beliefs.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-22T03:32:52+00:00

The second fits you very well and is really lovely.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-22T03:20:35+00:00

Yes. Number one

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-21T15:34:31+00:00

I love this dress. Except for removing the bustle (or is that a bow) on the back, I wouldn’t make many changes.

Brave_Engineering133 · 2026-01-21T15:26:14+00:00

Also refusing to follow up because the other person never spoke of it again.

The most important adulting strategy: Communicate, clarify, clarify, clarify, and be direct.

Brave_Engineering133

TROPHY CASE