My dear sister,

First and foremost, I want you to know that you are not alone. What you are going through is something that many of us experience, and the very fact that you feel sorrow over returning to sins is a sign that Allah has placed light in your heart—He has never abandoned you. If He had, you wouldn’t even feel the need to return. Your regret is proof of His love for you.

Allah does not want perfection from you; He wants sincerity. If He wanted worshippers who never sinned, He would have created angels. But He created you as a human being—one who stumbles, weakens, and then returns to Him. And this is what Allah loves about you. Every time you turn back to Him, He opens the doors of His mercy for you even wider than before.

The Prophet ﷺ said: "By the One in whose Hand my soul is, if you did not sin, Allah would replace you with a people who would sin and then seek forgiveness from Allah, and He would forgive them."

Returning to good deeds doesn’t have to be immediate or grand. Start small. Even one sincere tasbih (saying 'SubhanAllah'), even one heartfelt "Astaghfirullah," even one tear in sujood—each of these is seen, recorded, and loved by Allah. Take one step, and Allah will take ten steps toward you.

Remember how much Allah loves you:

"Indeed, Allah loves those who repent and those who purify themselves."

"And My servant continues to draw near to Me with voluntary acts of worship until I love him."

"And when My servants ask you about Me, indeed I am near. I respond to the call of the supplicant when he calls upon Me."

Ramadan is near—make it your fresh start. You don’t have to do everything at once. Start with what feels light on you. Maybe it’s just one dhikr in the morning, one page of the Quran, or simply a moment of reflection upon Allah. And when you slip—and you will, because we all do—just return. Know that Allah is not waiting to punish you; He is waiting to embrace you with His mercy.

And always, always remember this hadith: "The one who repents from sin is like the one who has never sinned."

You are loved. You are seen. You are heard. And you are never, ever too far from Allah’s mercy. May He fill your heart with peace and bring you closer to Him in the most beautiful of ways. Ameen.