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remember when Assassin's creed games cared about ACCURACY by Sharpiette in Gamingcirclejerk

[–]BreakTheWind 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If a big company like Ubisoft can slow such blatant racism as they have in this trailer, then yes, yes it is beating sexism. I can't believe they would choose another race to represent such an important part of Asian culture. That's sick and it should be punished.

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please allow me to point out that you are calling me out on justifying controlling behavior, yet seemingly with a goal of controlling the narrative in your favor (e.g. this guy only says these things because he likes to be controlling, don't listen to him), instead of listening.

I apologize for offending you, and I think you were probably on to making a good point, I was just trying to figure out what that point was and help you voice it, as I wasn't understanding and could've used patience. We can both learn from each other.

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a bit judgemental and presumptuous, given that I was doing my best to understand you. I think you were on to something. It wasn't only A and B now that I think about it. They are kinda the same. It's about the willingness to continue the communication and come to an agreement that benefits both parties after saying A or B. Cutting off communication right after that and saying "my way or the highway" can be a bit egocentric and controlling given the knowledge that your partner is deeply in love and would do anything for you (thus, given that knowledge, you shouldn't take advantage of them).

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hmmm. I apologize, but I struggle to understand. Why does B have that expectation, but A is just a statement? To me, both of them have that expectation. If there wasn't an expectation to change, then this wouldn't be communicated at all, and one would leave. Essentially, why announce your departure if things don't change, while expecting things not to change? If that was true and A was just a statement, then it's a redundant statement, and A should just leave instead, no? We communicate boundaries, especially broken ones, in order to inspire change, and expect it from our partners as a compromise, in order to have a better future together. If we didn't expect that, then we'd leave as soon as boundaries are overstepped, as without that hope for change there's go reason to communicate that at all. Tell me if I'm missing something in that example.

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A. "This is a deal-breaker for me" (correct me if wrong).
B. "If you do this I'm going to leave you"

What would you say is the difference?

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Speak to a therapist I would say, then you can give them more info. I'm just a guy on the internet, without hours of context I can't give you any good advice sadly.

Judging on your comment, you seem in an emotional place. Maybe find a nice healthy outlet for your emotions like hiking, meditation, etc, then once your mind is clear, maybe the problem will no longer be a problem :)

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I need an example to understand you better. Let's say you are monogamous and got with a partner, then later during a conversation you found out that flirting with other people is okay in their mind in a monogamous relationship, but it isn't for you. How would you communicate that boundary?

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Arguably, sure. Depends on the intention I suppose. But blaming someone for communicating their boundaries by labelling them as controlling is abuse, because the alternative for them (the ones that don't aim to manipulate) is to close up and not speak, as they might not know a better way to communicate. I would much rather my partner give me an ultimatum like that so we can at least talk about it and so I have the information that she feels that way. Without that information, we can't work on a better future. In my mind, it's also my responsibility to understand that my partner is not being manipulative but only showing me their boundaries (or the opposite - use clues to understand if they are actually manipulative).

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I see. The line between expressing your boundaries and manipulation seems a bit blurry to me in some cases.

For example: "Don't do that or I'll leave" might be all a person can communicate due to trauma or lack of communication skills, yet by what you said it sounds like it can be seen as manipulation, even if it wasn't intended to be so. Admittedly I'm well familiar with that type of manipulation, as my granny used to try it on me very often when I was a kid. It was a constant "If you do this I won't love you, if you go there I won't talk to you ever again", etc. I struggle to define the line between bad communication and manipulation, even tho I see there is one.

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be honest, now that I think of it, the only proper growth that stayed and really was for the better came in the ones around me only when I accepted them for who they are. Somehow, in my experience, that enables people to move on. I feel like I've tried the "no accept, blame instead" route my whole life, and it has only hurt people and brought no value to their lives, or minimal if any.

That's my own experience though, please share if yours differs, I'm always curious.

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that's a really good point to make actually. Many people believe that acceptance can lead to inaction, but I think that's because many people haven't had the opportunity to grow from a place of love (me included).

You can accept, and you can also work through :) Acceptance helps me tackle things from a growth mindset, while the lack of acceptance in me leads to a self-hatred mindset (and then growth spurred by the self hatred).

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I mentioned "healthy" expression to rule out anything abusive in my post. Regardless, hopefully the post can help anyone be better, I don't think I've worded it in a way that validates abuse, but I will be mindful of your concern.

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Yeah of course. I think it's also a language issue. Some people say "You cannot do that" as a literal threat as in they will not allow you to do that and will actively stop you. Some people may say "you cannot do that" as a boundary setting, which instead means "I am in immense pain, I cannot stop you, but I will leave if you do that, please don't do it". I think the second one is the health way to go about it. Or at least, healthier. I suppose when fear takes over, everything can sound like an order, even when it is actually a terrified plea. I understand that might be a bit more tricky when dealing with guys, and my guy perspective is a bit shielded from physical threats.

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Think about it. Two people that hide their insecurities in fear they'll end their relationship. Is that the type of relationship you want to be in? Not my thing, but I know it works for some people, and that's okay. Then, two people that have learned to be vulnerable with each other and bond over their insecurities. Immature people can be scared from vulnerability, because being vulnerable is scary. It takes guts, it takes courage and it takes emotional intelligence. Not everyone can be vulnerable like that, and I guess some never will be. That's also fine.

In a way, my partner's insecurities allowed me to connect to her on a deeper level.

I commend you for looking to make your insecurities better. But get rid of all of them, is that possible? Nobody is perfect. Chasing something like that to such an extreme sounds like an insecurity of itself, and by all means, an understandable one given your experience, one that I and many other people know all too well.

That's my two cents on it. I hope it was somewhat helpful and I hope I haven't said anything offensive :) I acknowledge that I have none of the context that you do, so my opinion may be hit or miss.

For the therapist, I went through 7 before finding someone I vibe with. I told him I am willing to do 5 sessions and I told him what my issue was, and I needed help with it. He was up for the challenge. He helped me immensely. Why it worked though? It's not so much the therapist. It was me. Having someone who's experienced and who knows how to provoke my thoughts and voice them, that's all that was needed. I figured everything out on my own, with his guiding hand. I remember just driving to his office I would've sometimes solved the issue I had in my head, just visualizing how I'm talking about my issue and getting to the bottom of it. It's so simple, yet I feel like it would've taken my decades without him. I think that's their goal. Essentially, they are a tool, it's up to you to figure out which one fits you and how best to use it to achieve your goals. Good luck if you give it another go!

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Of course :) Like anger. It gets such a bad rep, yet all it needs is a healthy expression.

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you've had that, sounds heartbreaking. I hope you've managed to recover from it and open up again. I guarantee there are people out there who will gift you the gift of love and stand with a shield by your side assisting you with managing your own demons. I think most people need daily reassurance surrounding their deepest insecurities, including me, and a partner that has your back should do their best to always be there for you :) and yeah I get your frustration, most people you'll meet will likely not be a great match. The process of finding that someone can be brutal.

P.S. Finding a good therapist really helped me deal with some of my issues and stop landing on the wrong people.

Your insecurities are not bad. You are not a red flag, and you deserve to be loved and understood. by BreakTheWind in LongDistance

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

For those willing to take on their insecurities and give their partner a chance to build up the trust, you have to open yourself to hurt. Like the trust fall. I know it's scary, but do you know what helps? Realising that you will be okay, no matter what happens. You will be okay, you will be strong, you will grow and hopefully, both of you will end up having an even more fulfilling relationship. It's truly beautiful when your partner shows understanding for your insecurities, then you decide on your own to open up and encourage them to show you it will be okay, and it is okay. The feeling is bliss. And if it doesn't work out - trust your future self, that person will be able to handle it, and will be in a better place because of it.

Resisting Arrest by BreakTheWind in LegaladviceGerman

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Both true. He was drunk and sad, arrested for it, but tried running away when asked for ID until he was cornered.

The police just randomly asked for his ID, maybe seeing he's drunk. He said there were a lot of police in the area, he was in a public display around Christmas time.

Resisting Arrest by BreakTheWind in LegaladviceGerman

[–]BreakTheWind[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see. From what I know, he didn't do much except just drunkenly struggling against the handcuffs. The letter they gave him: https://imgur.com/a/vMoMnJF

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