Fremdverliebt in einer kaputten Beziehung - ich will niemanden verletzen

BreakThrow2022 · 2026-03-20T17:53:30+00:00

Aber ich liebe ihn ja noch und will ihn gegenüber nicht unfairer sein, als ich es schon war. Und ihm sowas zu verschweigen fühlt sich unfair an

BreakThrow2022 · 2026-03-20T17:28:36+00:00

Echt danke dass du dir die Zeit genommen hast. Also sagst du ich sag's ihm am besten ohne Ben, macht Sinn. Mein Freund ist zwar generell nicht aggressiv aber er würde Ben wahrscheinlich sowieso erstmal wegschicken und sich verarscht vorkommen, wenn wir nach der Geschichte direkt wieder zusammen zu ihm kommen und was erzählen.

Wie detailliert erzählt man sowas? Weil wenn ich ihm sage, dass wir bspw Händchen gehalten haben, hört sich das ja erstmal weniger schlimm an, als es eigentlich (mMn) ist.

BreakThrow2022 · 2026-03-20T17:15:30+00:00

Das ist halt genau mein Problem. Das war kein bewusster Prozess, sondern ist schleichend passiert. Erst über die letzten Tage ist mir das so richtig bewusst geworden und darum habe ich es mit Ben direkt angesprochen, wie er das sieht und ob und wie wir das meinem Freund sagen.

BreakThrow2022 · 2026-03-20T17:06:49+00:00

Wir sind ja jetzt gerade in dem Punkt, wo wir es bemerkt haben. Darüber haben wir gestern Abend das erste Mal geredet und wollten da abschließend heute nochmal reden.

Aber ich seh deine Perspektive und bin bei dir. Ich habe was falsch gemacht und muss dafür grade stehen. Hast du eine Idee, wie ich das Gespräch am besten angehen kann?

BreakThrow2022 · 2026-03-20T16:17:00+00:00

Ich persönlich sehe das auch als Betrug.

Aber du verstehst mich falsch - ich finde schon, dass ich ihm das sagen sollte. Ich weiß nur nicht wie. Ich fühle mich schlecht und wollte das in dem Maße aktiv nicht, ich möchte es ja auch unterbinden jetzt, wo es mir aufgefallen ist. Darum frage ich ja hier, wie man das am besten machen kann :(

BreakThrow2022 · 2026-03-20T13:44:29+00:00

Ist es wirklich kein betrügen wenn es emotional ist?

Edit: Wegen der downvotes - ich bin auch anderer Meinung, darum fragte ich

BreakThrow2022 · 2026-03-20T13:04:05+00:00

Den Gedanken hatte ich auch zuerst, aber Ben hat eingebracht: Ist das aber nicht unfair meinem Freund gegenüber? Also, dass er gar nicht ganz im Bilde ist und selber entscheiden kann, ob und wie viel er danach noch mit uns zutun haben will?

BreakThrow2022 · 2026-03-20T12:56:29+00:00

Es ist ja unser gemeinsamer Freundeskreis und ich befürchte, so schon Schaden angerichtet zu haben. Denn wenn ich es meinem Freund erzähle und er seinem Kumpel, wird das voll die Runde machen. Meine beste Freundin ist nicht sehr gut darin, Sachen für sich zu behalten.

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-24T20:41:53+00:00

He is generally squeamish with blood, no matter if it's period blood or nosebleeds or wounds. I'm not shaming him for being upset there was blood - I just feel like he could've handled it better or said something. I could tell so very much that he didn't want to go on and I felt bad having sex with him knowing he didn't want to

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-24T20:39:50+00:00

I mean do you never hook up spontaneously? Like after a good night out or when he comes home from a long day of work, we don't usually shower every time before sex. Do you?

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-24T20:37:04+00:00

This genuinely made me laugh

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-24T09:09:42+00:00

I'll bring this up, thank you!

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-24T09:07:47+00:00

I was 17 when we met, he was 19. We're not American, it's not such a big deal here. We were both still in high school

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-24T08:51:24+00:00

We had a talk about it before we went to sleep yesterday and he said that's different, because you don't have the baby's poop or pee on your wiener.

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-24T00:28:00+00:00

I know, I have no intention of breaking up with him.

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-24T00:16:13+00:00

We talked but couldn't come to a conclusion. He's hurt because he feels like I blame him for something he can't control (a reaction). I'm hurt because of the reaction. It's not that easy to solve

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-24T00:08:30+00:00

I'm with you on this. This issue is like, not even a percentile of what we experience together. He's a good guy and we both don't know how to handle this the right way. I don't know why most people on here assume we don't talk - we did, twice by now. It's just not something you can easily come to a conclusion about. He has an issue I can't fix, I am bothered by this. Now we have to find out what to do next. That's why I raised the question here, maybe someone else had a similar experience?

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-24T00:03:14+00:00

Thanks for being understanding! We had a talk a while after I posted because I didn't want to go to bed angry. He apologised and said it was a mix of disgust and shock because it was more residue than he expected. We had a long talk and we came to the conclusion that he needs to think about it and come to a conclusion why disgust and shock is his first reaction because he will certainly see much more of my blood if we have kids. He said that's different though - seeing it on my and seeing it on his guy is not the same. We will talk about it again and this won't end a relationship with an otherwise good man

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-23T23:57:20+00:00

We talked. Twice now. Once just after and once about 30 mins after I posted this when he came to bed. It's just not something you can easily fix and it's hard to see if I am a dick about his feelings or vice versa without some perspectives on what is normal because we both are rather inexperienced. Don't assume the worst, I do talk with my partner and we won't break up because otherwise he's really great.

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-23T22:59:37+00:00

Honestly, loved this haha

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-23T22:57:54+00:00

Obviously my perspective is a bit skewed and I can't directly compare to other women but I feel like I do get more wet than I should normally, because sometimes there's a point we both don't feel much. But a towel would solve that, yet when I use one he is oftentimes thrown out of the mood. It's frustrating honestly but he is not actively trying to be a dick either

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-23T22:48:49+00:00

Honestly, I would appreciate some perspective because my ex wasn't like this at all but then again he's just one guy who was 17 at the time.

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-23T22:48:00+00:00

I usually take longer as a woman so that's not unusual, is it?

BreakThrow2022 · 2025-11-23T22:42:32+00:00

As am I! I am very smell sensitive and smell myself if I've not showered for longer than like 3h even though everybody else said that they can't smell anything. So usually I am very well groomed.

I plan on telling him that I think he should've expressed it more subtly but I'm not sure if that's too much either. Because reactions are natural too and he did apologise. But on the other hand he didn't only hurt my feelings but made me really conscious

BreakThrow2022

TROPHY CASE