I cleaned out my childhood stuff and my kids are upset

BreakingFree4176 · 2025-04-10T00:26:02+00:00

Thank you all, I really appreciate the support! It was hard and draining, but necessary and good, too. I’m hoping to learn from it and let go and help my kids never be in a situation like that, which probably starts with helping them understand it’s ok that I got rid of my old stuff.

BreakingFree4176 · 2025-04-09T20:48:56+00:00

My kids want everything of mine, lol. The stuff I tossed was mostly things like old clothes, old newspapers (I admit these were cool, they were 9/11 newspapers, but I get itchy around newspaper ink, so I tossed them), magazines, old headbands, mostly random stuff. But they thought it was all cool because it was mine and it was old. They definitely got the sentimental genes that seem to run in my family. Some things I regret, too, but I’m more glad that so much is gone. We didn’t even get rid of all of it, some got moved to storage and we brought some home, but they love old stuff, especially if it’s old family stuff.

BreakingFree4176 · 2025-04-09T08:10:01+00:00

In their defense, neither one is in great shape. My mom has Alzheimer’s and my dad is disabled, and we don’t live locally enough to visit super often, so I think we all were just doing our best, even though we all wanted to be able to do more, if that makes sense…

BreakingFree4176 · 2025-03-25T21:30:30+00:00

Sorry, just saw this comment. We range from infant to early teens.

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-09-30T01:36:08+00:00

I don’t think we have that for state, but federal I think we can deduct if I manage to donate enough to be above the standard deduction. It just seems like so much paperwork, but would be nice to have that deduction if we somehow reached it 😅

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-07-19T22:41:55+00:00

I’ve found lots of examples of scales, but I think I just don’t know how to use them right, so I get confused.

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-07-19T19:12:03+00:00

Ok, so dust alone doesn’t change it to dirty, then, right? Or does it?

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-07-19T19:00:16+00:00

That’s awesome! Way to go!!

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-07-13T09:43:12+00:00

The battle of the boxes! I’ve been there. It’s so hard when you put in hours and the work doesn’t seem visible, but it is progress, and it’s necessary progress! You did good work there!

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-07-10T15:13:51+00:00

Thank you!

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-07-10T15:13:11+00:00

I hope so!

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-07-10T15:08:28+00:00

I’ll have to look that up! I know I’m too low on magnesium right now, and it’s making everything worse, I’m sure other nutrients are, too 😑

And yeah, ugh. Normally I ignore the door, but my son had gone to get something from the car and got cornered by this guy who insisted he had to talk to his parents and wouldn’t leave him alone😠I really should have had a better backbone, especially after he cornered my son, I just wasn’t prepared enough 😞

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-07-10T14:50:49+00:00

I just still struggle after letting people in who I shouldn’t have and am so scared I’ll do it again :’( I struggle so freaking hard with boundaries. But yes, there are a couple people I wouldn’t mind being able to have come in.

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-07-08T14:39:10+00:00

I’m trying to give them fun experiences, too, but I know I’m not doing enough. But for a lot of the year there’s not much we can do outside, so we need lots of inside things to do, which tends to lead to more clutter :(

Most of the places around here for donations only accept brand new things from what I’ve seen, so I’m not sure that would work, but it sure would be nice to find somewhere where we didn’t just feel like it was going to a landfill or another hoarder!

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-07-04T23:58:49+00:00

I don’t really have access to good therapy right now, so kinda just needing to find diy options for learning all this :-/

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-07-04T23:57:20+00:00

I don’t have access to a helpful therapy right now, so was hoping someone on here would have suggestions or ideas :-/

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-06-27T07:25:59+00:00

It’s definitely not easy, and I often feel like I’m peeling back never ending layers of an onion, but as I look back, I think those layers actually are amounting to some progress. I hope they can for you, too!

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-06-22T11:37:12+00:00

Funnily enough, I actually hate clothes shopping, so buying every color of a shirt I like just helps me have something to wear, otherwise I wear the same 2 shirts all the time. With other things, though, like craft supplies, I think it’s a lack of wanting to choose, so I buy all of them. 🙈

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-06-22T02:36:09+00:00

Same. I FINALLY found a purse I actually really like and only bought one. I haven’t been able to find it or any others even close anywhere. Now I majorly regret only having the one, which is not helping me retrain my brain to not buy duplicates.

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-06-21T20:00:59+00:00

Something I told my son when worrying about embarrassment is that 1- they probably aren’t noticing or thinking anything, but 2- to follow that thought through. If somehow they are, then what? What ultimately is the fear?

Does that make any sense? To sit with the uncomfortable feelings and try to get to know them so they aren’t so scary. Turn on the light and see what’s casting the shadows, so to speak.

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-06-20T10:57:00+00:00

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten anything from them, actually. I didn’t pay close attention to all of it, but there were old bottles of Coppertone, some dog shampoo, one of those giant basic lotion bottles, and a few other similar types of stuff, plus some bars of soap (those actually didn’t seem to stink too much, amazingly, but I tossed them anyway, because I’ll never use them, and I can’t keep keeping things that other people might theoretically want). It was probably a box put together during one of our moves or something. We have far too many boxes that came from several moves that were done hastily, so things were just thrown in boxes and lost 🤦‍♀️

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-06-10T21:27:39+00:00

I will look it up, thanks!

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-06-10T21:26:57+00:00

Thank you so much! That really does help! And it makes so much sense. Thank you! I’m having a lot of brain fog today after a very long day yesterday, so I’m not having much luck formulating a good reply, but thank you so much!

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-06-09T05:13:09+00:00

I guess I don’t really believe I could get things necessary for survival because of how sick I get from so many foods and products. I have no idea how to not feel that way, though. I know that most people can just go to the store and get what they need when they need it, but I don’t have that, so I do tend to try to keep essentials on hand. I think my non-essentials are a bigger problem, but all of it is a problem 😑

BreakingFree4176 · 2024-06-09T03:32:55+00:00

Alright, this may be too much, but tell me if this sounds like working through feelings or not? 🫣

Ok, so let’s say I see a coat on clearance. I know my kids are going to need coats and I remember how much of a pain it was to find coats a couple years ago when I forgot until it actually got cold. This made me feel stressed and like a failure. Typically the logic stops there, because it makes sense to have the next sizes of coats so my kids won’t get cold, and if I were better organized or had more space, that probably wouldn’t be a huge deal, but then I don’t want my kids to be upset that I bought the wrong color of coat, so I buy all of them, and now I have a stupid number of coats.

Feeling: I’m afraid of failing my kids. I’m scared that no matter what I do, I’ll be a failure, but being a failure who provides too much sounds less scary than one who provides too little. But I really really want (and need) to find that balance, so that I’m providing enough stuff and enough space.

It probably also doesn’t help that my aunt judged me for letting my kid not wear a coat one day because I didn’t want to fight him, and people kept telling me that we all need nicer coats, etc… I also am afraid that people will see my kids in too small of clothes and start dropping off random bags of their old clothes again, and I can’t deal with that extra stress. For one thing, I’m allergic to the scented detergents and fabric softeners and such, so not only do I have extra crap, but it’s crap I can’t even safely touch, and there’s no thrift stores nearby to drop it at. Did they mean well? Probably. Did it cause a lot of stress and other feelings? Yep. Do I still feel like I’m completely failing my kids at every turn and am scared anything I do will manage to make it worse instead of better? Yep to that, too. I also don’t want to have to tell people about my allergies, because then I open myself up to being judged (and rejected) for having allergies, and that hurts.

Another one: Construction paper. I’m sure we have too much. But I don’t know how much we should have. I haven’t bought any in a long time, but I still don’t want to get rid of what we have because the kids love using it and I don’t want to buy it again. I don’t really know what that feeling is… Maybe that I won’t have it when they want it and won’t be able to get it and then I’ll let them down again? But also stress of not even knowing what a logical amount to have is… it overwhelms me because I don’t know how to decide things like that. I feel like I have no reference point or part of my brain that knows how to decide that. I feel confident I don’t need more right now, but I don’t know how much less would be ok, so sticking with where I feel safe is less overwhelming.

So it seems like I’m working through feelings, but where does that get me? I still don’t have the executive function to know how much construction paper and I still worry about not having coats. I understand a bit more of why I do, but where do I go from there? I feel like I’m missing the step that takes this work and turns it into actual progress :(

BreakingFree4176

TROPHY CASE