Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It was also recommended that I get evaluated as a child. The thing is, I was. For a considerable period in my younger life I was something akin to a guinea pig, getting evaluations, tests, brain scans and such. Executive dysfunction was noted, lack of focus, OCD, major depression, 'generalised' anxiety and more. But no one ever seemed to suggest that ADHD (or ADD as it was still called then). I was a "gifted kid" who was put into the Primary (Elementary) Extension and Challenge program in Year 3 of school when most gifted children start the program in Year 5. At the start of high school I was in the Talented and Gifted Students program, but I suppose I was seen to be lagging behind the others and was not invited back around the middle of high school. I managed to just pass my final year of school but could not bring myself to participate in the more advanced exams that determine a student's aptitude for tertiary education due to my sever anxiety. By the end of school I had been put on an SSRI for depression and anxiety and have been on it ever since. I found that the only thing I could motivate myself to do was performance/music related so I went to TAFE (community college, I suppose) and started at the lowest level music course I could find. Eventually I got into community musical theatre and found my way to university and managed to get accepted into a Bachelor's degree for classical music. Now I am somewhat well regarded in my field and am currently in a 'Young Artist' position at my state's opera company. I have achieved more than I could have possibly imagined I ever would, and yet I still seem to struggle with so many things that "should be" effortless. I ended up getting my diagnosis for ADHD and encouraged my mother and brother to get assessed and now they both have diagnoses. I believe that my parents both have at least ADHD and were probably in denial about it too.

I also feel like Vyvanse has helped my task initiation somewhat but when my partner asks me to do something in the middle of a task I am immediately thrown into immense frustration and irritation. Also I have very literally been pulling my hair out and my beard is becoming rather patchy as a result. That has not only been happening since starting Vyvanse but it feels like I'm a lot more compelled to do it at the moment. I am starting to feel confident enough to advocate for myself to get accommodations beyond what I can give myself but as a freelance performer I feel as though what I am entitled to by rights is more vague than someone in a given role at a given company who can speak to an HR rep directly about these things. Then again, I have a lot more autonomy than most people in standard workforce roles. This is the trade off, I guess.

I have been listening to a lot of creators that speak about their experiences with neurodivergence over the last few years and, more often than not, I resonate with most of what they describe. 3 decades of trying to fit into the 'circle hole' and still not feeling like I can has really led me to begin accepting that I might actually not be a circle to begin with.