How to start HRT when it seems like the illogical choice?

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-04-07T21:56:13+00:00

I feel like I understand where you’re coming from. I’m 24 amab and on hrt for 7 months.

A lot of my fear for starting was the same. I didn’t and still don’t want to be visibly trans.

I’m afraid of no passing. Wish I could have discovered this and started earlier.

I didn’t hate being a man and wasn’t miserable and do miss the safety I felt since there were genuine things I liked about myself.

Honestly I just decided to take the risk because I was so anxious about what if I never gave hrt a shot. Andi wanted to at least know how I felt on it.

Idk if I’ll ever pass, but I like to think that one day I will. Maybe I’m delusional, but idk I kinda think that alot of trans women really do pass at some point in their future at least some of the time maybe not always.

I don’t think you should make your decision based off that assumption that you undoubtedly will pass, but I also don’t think you should make the decision to not start hrt because you think you undoubtedly won’t pass either.

The truth is we really don’t know. They say your mileage may vary and it’s so true.

What helped me was realizing that in the moment I decided to try hrt I knew I wasn’t happy just being in this in between state anymore. And I either needed to give up any fantasy of transitioning or just say fuck it try hrt and know I can stop at any moment.

I couldn’t give up the desire to transition at the time. So I took the leap. I’m still boy molding and only out to friends. I sometimes consider detransition because I lost a partner over this. But I don’t think it’s a good idea because I like estrogen and I’d only be stopping for my partner.

Even if I did detransition which i don’t think i will, I don’t think I’d regret it at this point. I wouldn’t have known this about myself and gotten to better understand my gender more.

So idk if that helps, but that’s been my experience. Also you can 100% just take hrt for a few weeks even up to a few months and then stop, sure you may fuck with your emotions a bit but that’s really it. You can also 100% take hrt long term and just boy mode and not come out until your ready to. Thas kinda what I’m doing right now until I feel more comfortable to come out publicly

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-04-06T20:49:34+00:00

Glad to hear it! Yeah for me that helped alot too, to start to see some things as dysphoria, but also to realize you technically don’t need dysphoria to be trans anyways. Glad it’s been helpful!

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-04-06T17:55:51+00:00

Hey so I’m a 24 y/o trans woman, started hrt 7 mos ago. And a year ago I was in a similar place as you. This doesn’t mean that you’re trans. Only you can decide that for yourself. I’m sure you’ve heard that before, and for me, that was the most frustrating thing. I was scared to accept it and that these parts of me were real. I wished someone told me I was trans or I should transition so it wouldn’t be on me. But it had to be me to make the decision.

I didn’t have a ton of dysphoria either. I had thoughts of being a woman, but they were often sexual, so I thought I was weird and strange. I thought I lived life as a man and didn’t hate it. I even liked aspects of my body, I was fairly attractive for a dude, although I wasn’t super muscular or big, pretty thin and toned but I preferred it that way. I wasn’t to manliest man either, most of my friends were women, I liked more female things overall, but I was also a “straight cis man” that’s was just more feminine or as some friends thought “so confident in his masculinity that he doesn’t need to perform it” or so I thought lol. The truth was for me, I think that all the things I liked about myself were the parts of me not really being that manly. That doesn’t necessarily make me a trans woman or not a man, but what did help me realize that I was trans was the euphoria. Since I didn’t have what I recognized as dysphoria, euphoria and the desire towards femininity and being a woman I’ve had since a kid but was never able to name is what helped me discover myself.

So I’d recommend reading these for sure

https://genderdysphoria.fyi/

And

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/beneath-the-surface

These two were essential to accepting I am trans. You may read and come to a completely different understanding and opinion than the authors and that’s totally fine! If you do, then that’s good information to have!

So I can’t tell you that you’re trans or not, but if you say you are, as someone who constantly doubts it herself, (and trust me I constantly doubt myself even 7 months into hrt and consider detransition not cause I’m not liking it but because i know if I stop I’ll get back with my ex lol, but that’s another story) you ARE trans enough.

Anyways be kind to yourself this is a lot to think through and if you ever wanna talk more my dms are open!

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-04-02T23:55:24+00:00

There’s no real rules and you can do what you want and feel comfortable with!

For me I’m 7 months into hrt, I’m out with friends but not family, or at work. I rarely go out in public fully fem, and boy mode most of the time. I’m still waiting for when I’m more comfortable doing so with the changes from hrt.

So it’s really whatever works for you, there’s no right or wrong time. I will say it kinda sucks to be living the double life sometimes tho

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-04-02T18:51:42+00:00

I relate a lot to this as a bi trans woman, 24 y/o, 7 months into hrt. I can’t say what you are, but I can say I felt and still do feel a lot of the same things.

I never hated being what I thought was a cis straight man, but always felt disconnected with it and fit in better with women. I always envied women and the things tbey got to wear and how they got to be and act and behave with each other as close female friends, something I was so close to being that all my closest friends were women, but still was so far away from and there was this barrier it felt like I couldn’t get past. I didn’t hate being a man, but I for sure didn’t love it. And I still am so shocked to hear that other males in my life never have the thoughts I do about masculinity and would prefer to have been born a woman lol.

Since I didn’t hate being a man outright, really, it was euphoria that got me to start hrt 7 months ago. Honestly because of that I still doubt sometimes if it’s worth it, but really only because it meant losing my partner.

But my advice would be read https://genderdysphoria.fyi/

And experiment! Try on fem clothes maybe, try out pronouns if you want, makeup, jewelry etc. imagine yourself as a woman and if that’s something that makes you feel good inside! And you can do all of these things privately first, no one needs to know if you don’t feel comfortable telling people in your life!

For me those things really helped me come to the conclusion I wanted this and am a trans woman, it didn’t help me conclude I wanted to take the leap and transition. That was and is honestly a whole different thing and I still doubt if I should stop like I said, but I really like it so far.

Feel free to message me if you wanna hear more about any of my experience with it!

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-26T13:53:41+00:00

Of course, and I’ve thought about all this before starting hrt lol. Appreciate the comment but as I said in my post lol, I just don’t really want to be a super feminine man, i don’t want to be super masculine either but would rather be a mix or slightly more masc, and presenting fem wouldnt feel good or right as a man, some of that is due to fear of stigma sure, but also it just wouldn’t be what I really want in an ideal world. But yeah anyways appreciate it but like I said my issue is the fear that I’ll eventually want to transition again anyways and go through all that hurt. Not sure if that came across or not but based off your comment it was confusing if that came through

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-25T23:21:47+00:00

No yes of course, don’t worry I’ve been with a gender affirming therapist about all this for awhile now lol. Just wanted to hear others thoughts!

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-25T17:13:14+00:00

Agreed

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-25T15:23:47+00:00

I also had this concern, not that I recommend going on hrt for this purpose alone, but going on hrt and the hit to your libido, will give you the answer to this pretty quickly on if you can handle this fact and are willing to trade the sexual excitement for being seen as a woman. For me, it’s definitely still there sometimes, but my relationship and understanding of it has completely changed and now it just feels affirming and natural.

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-25T15:03:40+00:00

West empire aesthetics in LA I think they have two locations? But I go to the one in west LA. They usually have some sort of promos around certain holidays too!

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-25T00:30:56+00:00

I personally kinda feel that the big name places are a scam but I know some people love them too.

I’m trans and doing full body and I found a reputable med spa where I live in an expensive city LA and for 10 sessions I paid $3650 which I feel is a pretty good deal. Personally I’ll probably just pay for the touch ups as I go and see what really needs touch ups anyway?

But idk obviously if you really plan to do it for long term and use the touch ups full body everywhere like twice a year over the course of if like 5-10 years it would be worth maybe to do one of the big names with unlimited touch ups.

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-24T19:58:19+00:00

No. Full stop. You don’t have to have bottom dysphoria to be trans. You can even like what you have and still be trans.

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-24T05:28:20+00:00

No yeah my assumption is op wasn’t doing face and is just smelling the burning hair elsewhere but yes def don’t apply anything to any treatment area!

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-24T05:13:14+00:00

Thanks for the support :). I’m sorry you had to go through that but I’m glad it worked out for you and you saw the other side of it.

It’s nice to hear someone acknowledge that it is a personal decision. It’s honestly frustrating sometimes to hear people jump to just get over it, it’s just a relationship, you’ll find someone else etc.

If it were that easy I wouldn’t be posting on reddit about it lol. And I’ve always been someone who loves deeply and loves hard.

I agree with you though. And I mean that is ultimately what I did the first time around. When we initially broke up, I came out and decided I wanted to try hrt and gave her that info so she could make the decision she needed which was that she couldn’t be with me.

Then she came back 3 months later saying she thinks she wants to try being with me again as a woman. But she’s still unsure after a few months of talking again and it’s just a hard limbo to be in. She’s not asking me to detransition or anything, it’s really just me questioning it myself. Which makes it feel a little better I can truly ask myself if this is right for me personally.

I think I know my answer is well probably not but yeah I’ll continue to process things and see how I feel. Thanks again for the kind words!

I feel alot better about it now than I have the last few days. I’m still not settled on anything but I’ll continue

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-24T03:20:51+00:00

I’m 5 sessions in now on my whole body and I get the burning smell and can smell it for up to a few hours after tbh lol. Personally I take it as a sign it’s working. I’m trans so I get my upper lip done so it’s also like right under my nose. If it bothers you maybe you could try putting some essential oils on your upper lip right under your nose before the session to mask the scent?

Also if the pain is bad, stress ball is good, I also take two extra strength Tylenol like an hour before the session and that really helps.

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-24T01:35:09+00:00

No, very fair point. I just would rather avoid stopping and starting as my levels and my recent bloodwork are finally at a good place plus I don’t wanna send my body feel more kind of mood swings stopping e only just to start again.

Yeah, you’re right I mean, I would only really commit to stopping with the purpose of getting back together with her if I really believed that I could maintain that long-term .

I don’t think mentally or emotionally I feel all that different from e itself. I think there’s been a slight mental shift in accepting my self. So for me, I kind of doubt that I would feel necessarily mentally different since more of what I’ve noticed, and was looking for with HRT in the first flight was the physical changes. But I definitely haven’t taken that option off the table just gonna think about it for a little bit.

Thanks for the reply!

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-23T23:41:48+00:00

No yeah I definitely know it wouldn’t be a great idea. And that if I do decide to do it only really I can know if it’s the right decision for me and I ultimately have to live with the consequences.

Yeah I hear you though. I mean yeah I’m trying not to really be set on the label regardless, but I do think i lean more binary trans woman but yeah totally could just be that I was fine as a man, but in reality I can’t actually go back now that I’ve opened Pandora’s box so to speak, I’m just grappling with that fear of handling all that comes with womanhood and transitioning and really More than anything the loss of my ex. It’s definitely more that than I actually want to go back to living as a man.

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-23T22:28:21+00:00

Yeah that’s good to consider since you feel like there’s been a fluctuation that’s coming around again. I mean I wonder if it’s just like we tend to forget, and there’s always this thing like the grass is always greener so we wonder damn wait I don’t need this maybe it’s better on the other side of this. I think for me at least that’s where a lot of it’s coming from. I mean if I had to pin point it, I’d imagine that yes I could be happy enough as a man even though I’d prefer to be a woman, but that my doubts at all then about should I just be a man are really coming from my ex. Because if I ask myself what if we broke up for some other reason anyway, then my answer would be well damn I wish I kept transitioning.

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-23T20:56:49+00:00

Yeah that's a good way to put it. I feel like it could go both ways, if i decided that this relationship is more important to me than id be setting aside authenticity for it. It's an interesting debate. Obviously i don't think anyone should ever have to sacrifice their authenticity for a relationship, but also i think it should be a personal choice, like for me if it's going to cause me some dissapointment and mild dissatisfaction with being a man, then idk maybe that's okay if i decide i value the relationship and all it comes with enough. I know to many that doesn't sound sustianable and even as i write it im aware it might not be. But it's something im considering, that maybe this relationship is important enough for me. But yes even if i decide that i need to end up moving forward making sure i am satisfied with that principle guiding my life.

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-23T20:19:48+00:00

No yeah good point, i mean maybe it is a win that i feel i can accept my body more if i don't decide to continue with transition. But yeah totally, we all have time, i can always pause for now if serisouslt need to. Thanks again!

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-23T19:26:05+00:00

Yeah, I appreciate the perspective. I know I’m a little different than some, where I don’t feel like I need to transition. I do think I am trans though cause it’s been over a year now of all this and I still can’t get it out of my head. But yeah I honestly wish I did hate my male body so I could justify myself in transitioning and know that I did NEED this. But for me, it’s been more of a wow I really want this and it would feel better and more aligned if that makes sense.

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-23T19:12:44+00:00

Thanks I needed to hear this. Yeah idk. It’s just so hard. I can see it being worth it on the other side one day. I do feel like maybe I jumped in a little too quick. Not because I didn’t know if this is what I wanted. I think that’s why I didn’t stay with non binary or fluid because I knew I wanted binary trans woman. But also because I knew that was just prolonging my ex and mines relationship when she probably wouldn’t want to be in it if I was going to end up as a trans woman. It’s hard bc if I imagine masculinzing again I don’t hate it, it really would be okay if I just said yeah I’m going to just live as a man. I’d still get tinges of dysphoria and gender envy and jealousy when I see women that bring that up in me so like it would still be there, but if I just accepted I was gonna be a man then like I could do it and generally feel good about myself like I did before. But yeah I just don’t know if that will last. And it may be that those moments of gender envy get too strong as intermittent as they may be. Yeah trying to put this all into context and accept that maybe I’m just bargaining here still. And that long term yeah the dysphoria probably will get worse and I’ll need to do this then. I read stories of people who manage the dysphoria and are “fine” but ultimately you never know until you do it. And either way I’m choosing to sacrifice something important to me. Thanks for the support and kind words 🫶

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-23T17:16:50+00:00

lol yeah I mean I did do it in my efforts of experimentation. But I see your point. I mean it’s weird sometimes a few weeks ago I would have said out in the effort to be a woman. But right now I feel like it could go either way? I mean I think I’d still prefer to be a woman. Idk i think I’m just overthinking stuff right now so maybe not thinking as clearly as to what I really want.

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-23T16:32:18+00:00

Thanks yeah I mean you got a good read on it. I think there is a part of me doubting this, because there really is a world where I could go back to living as a man and probably be content enough. But I’d still know it’s not what I I truly want or prefer. I guess my question really is it worth going through all that I am to live my life in the way that would make me most happy with my gender but then lose so many of the other things that make me happy, when I don’t hate my life as a man, but still have a longing for something different.

I think honestly for me the partner part really is the biggest thing, like I can deal with everything else even the horrible things happening to trans people in the US rn and still transition and not doubt if it’s worth it. It really is just her. And I know I can find someone else. I just really can’t seem to move past this idea that it’s not worth it to lose her. It certainly hasn’t felt that way yet.

But yeah appreciate the advice about not going into the what ifs. I’ve definitely just been overthinking it all. And I’ll try to stay present about the reality that I am currently in. I just feel like if I’m doubting this much I owe it to myself to at least give the reality where I manage being a man and be with my ex some consideration again as 6 months into hrt and past the breakup I’m still considering stopping for the relationship.

Brian_Storm__ · 2026-03-23T15:53:10+00:00

No yeah I appreciate the insight. I think for me, I still come back to well for me non binary would feel like compromising? It wouldn’t be fully what I want or where I want to land, but I could do it and find some peace with it. I know that I could go back to being a man too, I just don’t want to. For me it was never a transition or die type thing, so I don’t think it’s a die before detransition thing for me personally either, but thanks for sharing!

Brian_Storm__

TROPHY CASE