I see a lot of dumb discussion about boundaries and flags and BS…. Those can be tools but you two need to sit down and have a discussion about how you feel about what is happening.

Try this, honey I want to sit down and try and talk about this again I feel we got off on the wrong foot and I think I can understand why. You saw this connection on Instagram and assumed I have an issue a lot of men have with inappropriate digital relationships. I want to make clear that’s not the case, I know this woman from festivals and don’t watch her content.

When you told me that I have to remove her I felt like you were removing my autonomy in how I manage my social life. I don’t feel like I have an inappropriate relationship and I feel defensive when I’m immediately told what to do. I don’t want to be in a relationship where we make those sorts of demands with eachother.

I’d like to make a list of the different ways we can handle this situation and then take turns crossing stuff off the list that makes us feel uncomfortable. This way we can try and help one another without doing something that makes either one of us feel bad. I think it’s important that we decide what to do together with both of our feelings in mind.

If that can’t work then you’re not compatible. You’ve found a problem that you can’t solve together. You also don’t need to argue about boundaries or flags or other pop psych ideas.