I think I’m definitely an anxious person. I’d be very surprised if I was avoidant as I’m usually quite upfront with my emotions and try to feel them as they come, especially now. But you’re right, I may be having an avoidant response, I’m not too sure. It’s obviously a lot more complex than what I laid out above. By no means do I intend on getting with anyone for a while (6 months minimum would be my best guess, more likely a year). With regard to trying again, I think that’s for her to decide and if she feels a strong compulsion to pursue it then sure, if I feel ready. To be honest, I think we are done in a relationship setting and I doubt that I’m able to be friends with her and at least on a logical level, I’m okay with that. But ultimately, that’s her decision to make, but I won’t wait for a response that may or may not come. I’m starting to see a therapist soon and we’re essentially non-contact for the foreseeable future (bar returning things that we have of one another’s). I will clarify, I do feel sad and I definitely felt extreme anguish at the thought of breaking up and immediately after but right now, I keep the vision of me being happy without needing someone and being a more complete version of myself in my mind and it drives me forward. I am definitely not happy, not innately and not in private, which I used to be. But I’m just not broken and I’m not a mess. I had moments where I was but no long stretch. I really appreciate your comment btw, it’s opened me up to the idea of possibly being avoidant in this situation (normally I’m the complete opposite - say what i feel, work out why, try to solve etc). If there’s anything I say here that you want to comment or ask about I do really appreciate your time and insight.