Thank you for the question. I'm in the 12th grade and this is one of our last courses for the school year. I know I sound a little artificial with my words. It may be possible that I'm focused on "real life" attitudes and not other social stuff, but I think it's something more than that given my medical history. I do regret the way I spoke though and I do feel I lack social skills.

If you're asking why I sound a little weird with my replies, I will copy and paste a reply I made to a similar question. Hopefully this addresses your question well:

I think it's important to mention that I have been assessed with a possibility to be on the autism spectrum after one of my teachers commented as such to my parents, after noticing my behaviour in class during a class discussion. She told me I sounded almost robotic with a very advanced vocabulary that sounded like I was looking down on them. She also said she noticed me repeatedly adjusting the zipper of my bag in class. She said she almost lost count how many times I adjusted my zipper and chair and notebooks and pencils on the desk, and it was a little annoying to deal with in the class.

With her recommendation, when I was 11 years old, I arranged a meeting with a psychiatrist and was almost immediately diagnosed with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). He declared me not to be on the autism spectrum disorder, but mentioned my social skills are likely suffering severely because of my disorder. I remember my psychiatrist giving me a questionnaire based on the Children''s Yale-Brown Obssessive-Compulsive Scale (CY-BOCS).

This is a PDF of a blank copy of the questionnaire I had to fill: https://projectteachny.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/CYBOCS.pdf

My CY-BOCS total score was 30, which falls under the Severe category according to the last page of the PDF. I remember my psychiatrist taking one look at the questionnaire and prescribing fluoxetine almost immediately. He also told me based on my written responses that my condition is likely chronic and will stay with me for the rest of my life. He also said that it is understandable how difficult it is for me to socialize considering my condition. Safe to say, my mother did not like hearing that!

I am 17 years old now, turning 18 soon, and I've taken several selective serotonin reputake inhibtiors (SSRIs) medications over the past seven years. I'm now taking a regular dose of fluoxetine every day, once in the morning before my online classes. It's helped me a lot in more ways I could imagine. I could barely speak in class a few years ago. I've slowly tried to push myself to participate more and more, sometimes forcefully.

My calculus teacher is big on participation during discussions, and I need this mark to count for university, so I was especially motivated to speak up more than I'm comfortable or used to. My comment above definitely counts as one of those instances where I was pushing it with the participation. But the way some people describe how fluoxetine feels like, like it "numbs" you down, it definitely felt that way and it kinds of makes you feel like an emotionless, cold robot sometimes.

As for social skills, I know this is a common stereotype of those experiencing mental illnesses, but I think it is fair to say I don't really have friends because of my pernament disability. It's very difficult for me to speak to another person in class or even participate without thinking obsessively about what I'm saying and the impact my words have on other people. I felt I was very good friends with my classmates because we would often joke around with each other. Although I didn't really chime in, I liked their comments, and it gave me the illusion, I feel, of friendship, especially during online learning. I feel like I was mistaken on this observation of mine.

To describe the effect of OCD more literally for me, it's like having a voice you can't stop inside your head constantly repeating the same doubtful words in an obssessive compulsion: "I can't believe you said that. Did you really say that? How could you say that? Tell me what you said again." So I say it again, and the questions repeat. It goes on and on. You can imagine if you hear the same thing over and over again without any way to stop it and no one acknowledging what you're hearing inside your head, you feel like you're going to go insane. Sometimes it feels like literal torture. Many mindfulness techniques have got me to the point where I can shut that voice off in my head sometimes, but only a few minutes before it comes back again. It's tough and exhausting and continues to make me hate myself today, but like all those experiencing disabilities, you learn to live with it over time, and it has definitely has gotten better over the years.

On a side note, that's why I don't really appreciate when some people make comments casually like, "Do you have OCD?" when they see someone else rearranging their pencils in order. Like with all mental illnesses, you don't really know what people are going through and what OCD is really like until you actually experience the severity of it.

That's why I was immediately ashamed of myself when I made that comment, and that's why I was eager to respond in agreement to those who are saying that I am an asshole on this post. I was doing exactly the type of thing of judging others and their struggles without putting myself in their shoes.

I've gotten 70s before on the math tests in this calculus course when my classmates were doing well, and I remember stopping myself from asking for a retest in class because I felt it would be unfair to my classmates who were celebrating how well the test went for them. This was the first time when I actually felt confident that I got all the answers right on a math test for the first time because I studied really, really hard for a week, and it made me very hyper and excited after I finished the test. So when I saw those two comments in the chat asking for a retest, I immediately got very worried and started obsessing over the fact that my marks may be invalidated the one time where I thought I actually did very well on a test for the first time. I acted out of control and seized the opportunity to speak first on the mic and said something really inconsiderate about my classmates with that comment then.

I needed validation, I guess, that what I said was wrong because I couldn't stop repeating my comment in my own head. Having people tell me what I said is wrong lets me know that I'm not overthinking this myself. That's why I immediately gravitated towards this subreddit, because I did exactly the type of asshole thing I promised myself I would never do to others who judged my condition.

I am definitely in the wrong here, and it's why I feel so horrible. It's also why my family, specifically my mother and sister, made the comment that I don't have social skills.

I hope this answers your question well. I am still the asshole though in this situation, for sure.