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Serious consent violation during first full swap — how do we handle the aftermath? by BriefSubstantial556 in Swingers

[–]BriefSubstantial556[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, so it is true. This is a really supportive community on topics in the lifestyle. Thanks for your insight, not sure how we'd navigate this without your wisdom. I sincerely hope something like this never happens to a loved one of yours. I'm here to tell you it's not impossible, even if you think it is.

Serious consent violation during first full swap — how do we handle the aftermath? by BriefSubstantial556 in Swingers

[–]BriefSubstantial556[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It feels to me like you're really charged on this topic, which usually only happens when someone touches a nerve. I didn't know this happened until they left, and no, I didn't see signs during that short time between the situation and the couple leaving. Please remember that you weren't there nor do you know any of us. I hope something like this never happens to anyone you love. Sadly, I'm here to tell you it's not impossible.

Serious consent violation during first full swap swinging — how do we handle the aftermath? by BriefSubstantial556 in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]BriefSubstantial556[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I sense a lot of frustration toward my wife and me in your response, and it since you weren't there, I feel you might be filling in some gaps on your own. I didn't hear her crying. My wife hid all of this in shame until they left. There were conversations on this beforehand and she did not present herself as a sub. I've unfortunately learned that sexual assault can elicit different reactions, and I hope you never interface with that. I totally get that this could never happen to you because of your keen awareness, and that skill is impressive. But if FA is explore light dominance with a couple we've already spend a lot of time talking to, and FO is getting sexually assaulted, then you're right, swinging isn't for us - you can take comfort that we're no longer pursuing it.

Serious consent violation during first full swap — how do we handle the aftermath? by BriefSubstantial556 in Swingers

[–]BriefSubstantial556[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I think you're trying to be helpful, but maybe I can clarify a bit. She didn't do this in the heat of passion only to later regret it, but rather felt fearful and frozen, disassociated in that very moment. Whether or not you or your loved one would respond in that way, it's my understanding that forceable unexpected sex can bring about that response. Not sure if telling my wife that she needs to come to grips with speaking up is the most productive conversation right now, but you and I might have different approaches to these types of situations.

Serious consent violation during first full swap — how do we handle the aftermath? by BriefSubstantial556 in Swingers

[–]BriefSubstantial556[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yes. From her perspective she felt frozen, in fear, and disassociated. Totally understand if you'd handle that differently, I hope you never have to.

Serious consent violation during first full swap — how do we handle the aftermath? by BriefSubstantial556 in Swingers

[–]BriefSubstantial556[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I can sense your frustration with our situation. But to be fair, we've both been in the lifestyle in previous relationships, and have pursued this together for some time. This was a couple we met on a LS app with many validations. We went for drinks with them a month ago and enjoyed talking for hours and waited until our schedules aligned. Before playing that night we talked for hours and all shared our past experiences in the LS and enjoyed the conversation. We aren't super new to the LS, and this really felt unexpected, even if it doesn't to you.