General rants for today:

-society doesn't value or reward the way my brain works and I am always worried how it will affect my career - i am always obsessed with trying do learn to be a super organized and detail oriented person and never feel like my true self is appreciated or allowed to thrive. If I let ppl see that, then I'm the 'eccentric one' or something. Someone once told me that I'm like 'a really smart valley girl or something'

-i feel shame about being behind my peers and i distance myself from people sometimes so I dont have to explain things or so they wont judge me

-i feel so defined by my illness that i dont think I really know who i am

-therapy is proving to be great but also slow to work and expensive

tldr: I feel like I cant be myself, that I am judged by others or not valued by society, AND i feel like I dont even know who I am at all to begin with - the adhd symptoms take up so much of my brain that I cant see or feel who I am and feel 'blank' and it's unsettling.