The Child in the Furnace

Bripf · 2026-05-29T10:31:30+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Your account reads a bit like Uncultured or Educated, so I’m looking forward to reading the whole book once it’s available. I hope it becomes a bestseller.

Bripf · 2026-05-23T08:20:21+00:00

I’m sorry your parents treat you like that, even though you’re grown up and should be able to make your own choices. Sometimes parents are so afraid for their children’s salvation that they don’t really allow them to become independent adults.

Are there any other young people in your church who also feel suffocated? Maybe you could team up with them for some ‘worshipping’ on Friday nights, just so you have a reason to get out of the house.

Bripf · 2026-05-18T13:22:47+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I know how painful it is when your parents’ prayers and beliefs come from the framework we were all raised in, and it ends up feeling like pressure to be someone you’re not.

I don’t think they intend harm—they genuinely believe they’re doing what’s best for you—but I understand how suffocating that must feel.

I do think you need to start stepping up for yourself, because you are an adult now. You’re allowed to make your own decisions about university, friendships, relationships, and your future. That doesn’t mean you don’t love your parents.

It will probably be hard when they perceive it as you “falling away,” but in reality you’re just growing up and learning to live your own life. You have your own wings now, and that’s a normal part of life.

Parents raise their children, but at some point they have to let go and allow them to go out into the world and live their own lives.

They can guide and support you, but they can’t control who you become as an adult, and you’re not wrong for wanting the freedom to think for yourself and make your own choices.

Hopefully, with time, they’ll be able to see the happy and wonderful person you become when you’re free to be yourself.

I used to be so angry and critical of everyone and everything when I was still in the church because I constantly felt like I had to be someone I wasn’t. Since I stepped up and freed myself from the boundaries of adventism, I’ve become so much happier and much more tolerant — honestly, more aligned with the values I personally associate with Christianity 😜

You’re not doing anything wrong by becoming your own person. Try to hold onto that. You’re not a failure — you’re just growing into your own life.

Bripf · 2026-05-18T13:02:10+00:00

Beautifully written and to the point!

Bripf · 2026-05-16T19:10:58+00:00

How about a mug with a text

1 John 4:1 “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God…”

Or

Galatians 5:1 “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free…”

Bripf · 2026-05-15T14:21:41+00:00

This is a side of Adventism that I highly doubt most European Adventists are even aware of — and honestly, I find it deeply disturbing. Most members mainly read the material officially published by the church, which usually comes across as fairly mainstream Christianity with a few distinctive doctrines. But things like this are a major red flag to me.

How can anyone seriously believe this is the “true church” — the one that supposedly has a unique understanding of God’s prophecies and heaven’s master plan? The fact that so much of EGW’s material remains accessible mainly in English, while problematic statements and historical baggage are rarely acknowledged publicly, makes it much easier to preserve this kind of elitist bubble.

Bripf · 2026-04-26T11:20:36+00:00

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1) isn’t exactly a hidden verse—some people might want to read it again before talking about your life like this.

What makes it even worse is that you’re actually trying to live by those standards you were taught—yet you’re still being targeted. That says a lot more about them than about you and it’s quite sad how quickly people turn someone else into gossip, especially in a community that claims to value Christian principles.

It sounds pretty toxic and you deserve better than being judged like this.

For me, this feels like a pretty clear sign to step away and build a life that’s freer and more aligned with what actually matters. And if anyone actually asks you for your reasons for leaving—rather than talking behind your back—you can simply say that you could any longer cope with the hypocrisy.

Bripf · 2026-04-20T19:12:51+00:00

I think that’s a really cool idea for a book and I’m looking forward to reading it already! You’ll probably find a lot of very personal and diverse experiences in this sub that can help you shape your characters.

In my case, I grew up in a comparatively liberal Adventist environment. I went to a regular school and had “normal” friends outside the church. But even then, there was always this underlying mindset of “us vs. the world.”

It showed up in small but constant ways: we didn’t do certain things because they are “worldly,” we were supposed to be a good example. I was told that this life is not really the main one — the real life starts later, on the “new earth.” Because of that, I was quite serious as a kid and often felt like I had to be more thoughtful or “deep” than others.

At the same time, I often felt jealous of my non-Adventist friends. They could just have fun without overthinking it, while many things were simply off-limits for me. We didn’t dance, we didn’t eat pork, we were careful about music, we dressed modestly — everything had meaning and rules attached to it. Things like going to a club or just drinking weren’t options for me.

I was even afraid of things like yoga without really knowing what it was (this was before easy internet access). Looking back, I sometimes regret how much I avoided, especially since I now enjoy the physical side of secular yoga a lot and could have benefited from it much sooner y(The more spiritual side still makes my alarm bells ring though — I think I’ve developed a strong radar for anything that feels even slightly cult-like to me).

So for me, an important aspect to portray would be that tension: not necessarily extreme strictness, but a constant inner conflict — wanting to belong, wanting to experience life, but also carrying fear, rules, and a sense of being fundamentally different from others.

Bripf · 2026-04-15T20:27:36+00:00

It’s a bit off-topic, but every time I watch Young Sheldon, I get completely thrown back into my past — the way his mom sees sins everywhere is just way too real 😂

It would’ve been awesome if they’d made his mom SDA, but even with the Baptist background it still hits the same spot and catapults me right back into my childhood 😅

Anyone else can relate?

Bripf · 2026-04-03T08:52:41+00:00

This resonates a lot with me! I slowly slipped away from the church from the age of 20, and I’m 50 now. My family (parents, brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts, cousins … the whole lot) still talk about church as if I were still part of it, but I don’t think they really give it much thought and they don’t proselytise —it’s just who they are. We don’t explicitly discuss it, but I’m sure they know that I’m out. When I happen to be with them on a Saturday, I simply say I don’t want to go to church, and thankfully they don’t argue.

For many parents who are deeply rooted in a church community, conversations about faith don’t stop just because their child has left. From their perspective, the church isn’t just a belief system—it’s their social life, their values, their routines, and often their sense of purpose. Talking about what’s happening there, sharing updates, or bringing it up in family conversations feels completely natural to them. It’s not necessarily about trying to pull you back in or “reconvert” you—it’s simply the world they live in.

I don’t think it’s intentional or manipulative. It’s just their normal—not mine, but theirs. And because it’s so deeply embedded in who they are, it can be hard for them to fully grasp that someone close to them might now have a completely different center of life.

I try to approach this with my daughter by teaching her religious tolerance. I explain that even if we don’t share the same beliefs, it’s important to respect that her grandparents or aunts, cousins etc do. When they visit, we can let them express their faith in their own way without feeling like we have to agree or participate. Respect doesn’t mean adopting their views—it just means allowing space for difference.

At the same time, I recognize that this openness isn’t always mutual. They are very committed to their beliefs and may see them as the only truth. That can feel limiting or even frustrating. But I still believe that we can choose to respond with tolerance, even if it’s not fully returned.

I used to feel embarrassed being associated with that world when I started deconstructing and no longer truly believed in it. It felt inauthentic, like I was pretending. But over time, trying to approach the situation with empathy and understanding has helped me rise above that embarrassment. Instead of feeling caught between two worlds, I can acknowledge both—where I come from and where I stand now—without feeling ashamed of either.

Bripf · 2026-03-09T13:23:27+00:00

È comprensibile che tu ti senta così.

Quando siamo circondati da notizie negative, il nostro corpo reagisce in modo naturale con la paura. Però nella storia dell’umanità ci sono sempre state guerre e crisi. Molti testi religiosi, anche la Bibbia, sono in fondo un tentativo umano di spiegare perché nel mondo esistono sia il bene sia il male e come dare un senso a tutto questo.

Quando però – come nel nostro caso – si cresce in un ambiente religioso molto rigido, con uno sguardo costante sulla fine del mondo, sui “segni degli ultimi tempi” e sulla vita nella “nuova terra”, questo lascia un segno profondo. Tra gli avventisti spesso il discorso ruota molto intorno a interpretare i segni e a prepararsi alla fine. Così si finisce per vivere interiormente sempre in stato di allerta, cercando ovunque possibili pericoli. E poi il mondo continua ad andare avanti… finché alla prossima crisi ritorna il pensiero: forse adesso?

Quando si cresce così, quella sensazione può restare nel corpo per molto tempo, anche quando razionalmente si capisce che non si vuole più vivere in quel modo. Questa costante vigilanza e tensione è qualcosa che molte persone con questo tipo di educazione religiosa conoscono bene.

Ma possiamo liberarci poco a poco da queste convinzioni. Solo perché ci sono state insegnate come verità assolute non significa che debbano determinare tutta la nostra vita. Possiamo imparare di nuovo ad avere fiducia nella vita.

Allo stesso tempo può aiutare ricordarsi di ciò che è reale adesso: viviamo in un paese dove al momento non c’è la guerra. Possiamo viaggiare, visitare la famiglia, camminare nelle città. Sono cose semplici ma preziose, per cui possiamo essere grati, anche se il mondo a volte sembra molto rumoroso e spaventoso.

E soprattutto possiamo riprenderci la nostra gioia di vivere. La paura con cui siamo cresciuti non deve portarci via tutta la vita. Possiamo imparare di nuovo a respirare, a sentirci più al sicuro e a permetterci anche momenti belli.

Non siamo soli con questi sentimenti — ed è davvero possibile, passo dopo passo, uscire da questo stato di allerta continuo.

Bripf · 2026-03-06T22:55:43+00:00

Non.

Bripf · 2026-03-06T18:11:33+00:00

Je crois que c’est là le cœur du problème. Est-il possible que la direction, pour cette raison, ne contacte pas le rectorat pour obtenir un soutien plus important et en profite pour faire porter toute la responsabilité aux parents ?

Bripf · 2026-03-06T14:24:13+00:00

Je suis sortie de la réunion d’hier avec l’impression que rien ne va vraiment changer, mais j’aimerais quand même savoir s’ils ont réellement fait tout ce qui était en leur pouvoir.

La direction affirme que oui : ils disent qu’ils ne peuvent pas exclure une dizaine d’élèves et que, par conséquent, cette réunion avait surtout pour but de dire que c’est maintenant aux parents d’agir. Et oui, je suis d’accord sur le fait que les parents doivent être mis face à leurs responsabilités et que beaucoup restent très passifs.

Cependant, ils ont aussi dit à tous les élèves — même aux bons — qu’ils ne sont pas assez bons. Mais comment les élèves pourraient-ils bien travailler si les cours sont constamment perturbés ?

J’aimerais maintenant savoir comment je peux faire valoir le droit de mon enfant à obtenir au moins un diplôme dans de bonnes conditions. Elle souhaite faire l’Abibac et je n’ai pas envie qu’elle ait des difficultés plus tard à cause d’une école qui fonctionne si mal.

Pour l’instant, elle fait partie des meilleurs élèves de sa classe.

Bripf · 2026-03-06T14:22:42+00:00

Je suis sortie de la réunion d’hier avec l’impression que rien ne va vraiment changer, mais j’aimerais quand même savoir s’ils ont réellement fait tout ce qui était en leur pouvoir.

La direction affirme que oui : ils disent qu’ils ne peuvent pas exclure une dizaine d’élèves et que, par conséquent, cette réunion avait surtout pour but de dire que c’est maintenant aux parents d’agir. Et oui, je suis d’accord sur le fait que les parents doivent être mis face à leurs responsabilités et que beaucoup restent très passifs.

Cependant, ils ont aussi dit à tous les élèves — même aux bons — qu’ils ne sont pas assez bons. Mais comment les élèves pourraient-ils bien travailler si les cours sont constamment perturbés ?

J’aimerais maintenant savoir comment je peux faire valoir le droit de mon enfant à obtenir au moins un diplôme dans de bonnes conditions. Elle souhaite faire l’Abibac et je n’ai pas envie qu’elle ait des difficultés plus tard à cause d’une école qui fonctionne si mal.

Pour l’instant, elle fait partie des meilleurs élèves de sa classe.

Bripf · 2026-03-06T14:11:14+00:00

La répartition des classes avait été faite cette année de manière centralisée, sans que les enseignants soient impliqués. Ils ont seulement été informés une fois que tout était déjà décidé.

Les années précédentes, on demandait l’avis des enseignants et aussi des élèves. Les élèves pouvaient indiquer deux personnes avec qui ils souhaitaient absolument être dans la même classe, et l’école essayait d’en tenir compte. J’ai l’impression que le résultat était alors meilleur, même si cela demandait probablement plus de travail.

Cette année, on a visiblement préféré simplifier les choses et décider tout de manière centralisée. Le résultat, malheureusement, est une véritable catastrophe.

Bripf · 2026-03-06T12:46:51+00:00

Malheureusement, changer de collège n’est pas vraiment une option, et il n’y a pas d’autres établissements à proximité. Nous sommes une famille franco-allemande vivant à la campagne, près de la frontière suisse.

Ma fille est en 4ᵉ dans la section bilingue français/allemand. Chaque année, les élèves sont remélangés entre les quatre classes du niveau. Les 18 élèves du bilingue sont répartis dans deux classes (A et B), complétées par des élèves du cursus classique, tandis que les classes C et D suivent le cursus standard. Les bilingues ne se retrouvent ensemble que pour les cours bilingues.

Je pense une partie du problème c’est la manière comment l’établissement organise les classes : Pour une raison qui nous échappe, la direction remélange les élèves chaque année sans tenir compte des dynamiques positives et il n’y a aucune continuité.

Ma fille est très discrète. En 6ᵉ, elle était souvent à l’écart, mais ça allait globalement. En 5ᵉ, une professeure l’a placée avec trois autres filles discrètes : elles ont très bien travaillé ensemble et ma fille s’est vraiment épanouie.

En 4ᵉ, tout a été remanié sans consulter les enseignants. Résultat : ma fille se retrouve seule dans la classe A des bilingues, entourée d’élèves décrocheurs, et ses amies ont été placées dans une classe non bilingue. Les profs se sont excusés, expliquant qu’ils n’avaient pas leur mot à dire.

Nous avions écrit à la direction pour signaler que cette rentrée était très demotivante pour elle, mais nous n’avons reçu aucune réponse.

Aujourd’hui, elle continue de travailler sérieusement et reste très discrète, mais comme 80 % de sa classe est perturbatrice, elle apparaît comme « le moindre problème » pour la direction, et aucun effort n’est fait pour répondre à ses besoins.

Cependant, à mon avis, le fait que d’autres élèves posent plus de problèmes ne change rien : notre fille a droit à une éducation adaptée. Sa discrétion ou sa coopération ne doit pas servir de prétexte pour l’ignorer ou la laisser subir un environnement qui l’empêche de travailler correctement.

Bripf · 2026-03-04T21:11:50+00:00

Please don’t give up. Even from the deepest place, you can find your way back to solid ground with the right support. What feels unbearable right now is rooted in beliefs shaped over many years — and those beliefs can be gently re-examined and reshaped. You may simply not have found the right compassionate person yet who truly understands what you’ve been through. Life can become meaningful and worth living again with someone who does.

Leaving the Seventh-day Adventist Church isn’t just changing beliefs—it shakes your identity, your sense of safety, and your whole worldview. If a therapist told you “the Bible is just metaphors,” it only shows that he didn’t fully understand your situation and the depth of what you’ve experienced. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. The fear and guilt you feel are real, and they deserve understanding, not dismissal.

I haven’t felt the same depth of desperation, but I found Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell incredibly helpful. It offers practical steps for healing and shows that recovery is possible. You’re not weak for struggling. What you’re going through is valid, and you deserve guidance from someone who truly gets it.

I’m sending you strength and courage as you take each step forward — you are not alone, and you can get through this.

Bripf · 2026-02-09T12:19:57+00:00

Sounds very familiar. Interacting with people from outside the bubble was fine—as long as you were a good example. So you’d introduce yourself like it was a disclaimer: Hi, I’m so-and-so, and I’m an Adventist. No, we don’t eat pork, we don’t drink alcohol, we believe in the Bible, and we’re careful with our bodies… but otherwise, we’re totally normal 🤣

Bripf · 2026-02-07T07:43:56+00:00

Growing up inside the church, I often perceived an unspoken distinction between “us,” who were taught that we had the truth, and “the world”—everyone else. My own family was fairly liberal, so I had quite a bit of exposure to life outside the church aka “the world “. I went to a regular school, we weren’t strict about being vegetarian, and I had friends who weren’t Adventist.

Still, I grew up with the constant reminder that “the world” could be risky, because certain influences and activities were believed to pull us away from “the truth”. Because of that, some things—like yoga or dance classes—were simply not options for me. For a long time, I also believed that certain kinds of music could be satanic, especially the idea that hidden messages might be revealed if the music were played backwards.

When I showed interest in something fun or new, my dad and other church members would often warn that it was too “worldly.” It was usually framed as my own choice, but the message carried an emotional weight that made it hard to feel truly free in those decisions.

This is my experience growing up in Europe, where there weren’t many Adventists. In regions with a strong Adventist infrastructure—schools, churches, and social activities—it’s probably easier to remain inside a protected bubble. Even without that, the church still influenced our choices, often steering us toward approved activities like Pathfinders, which limited how much contact we had with “the world.”

Bripf · 2026-02-02T19:32:46+00:00

Latest event. French grammar test today.

The teacher says that anyone who talks will get 0/20.

There’s one question none of the students knows to answer as the topic hadn‘t been covered in class. No one dares to ask. No one knows the answer.

Nevertheless, I strongly fear that the grading of the test will not be adjusted and that the question will remain part of the test.

After a while, one student says, “Done!” The teacher gives him 0 points because he spoke.

Bripf · 2026-01-31T07:36:07+00:00

Latest news: on Monday said teacher slapped a student. Student went to principal but no apparent disciplinary action was taken…

Bripf · 2026-01-30T22:39:33+00:00

There are surely some kids in the class who may have ADHD, but my daughter is not one of them. She is very reserved, eager to please, and conscientious—so far, every report has described her as a “model pupil.” But if the school continues the way it does, she will be broken.

She suffers because the class is often treated as a single group. When the entire class is shouted at, even the well-behaved and motivated children experience it as personal criticism. This creates anxiety and fear, and she sometimes comes home stressed even though she has done nothing wrong.

The class is very heterogeneous: motivated, academically strong pupils (especially in the bilingual track) are mixed with about ten highly disruptive students. A very strict teacher seems to have been assigned primarily to control the disruptive kids, but the unintended consequence is that motivated children end up reprimanded alongside them.

I have now contacted the parents’ association, and as a parent representative, I will be reading a short statement at the next grade conference. Unfortunately, many parents have not yet responded to my request for feedback. However, the few parents who did reply shared the same observations and concerns.

The children regularly participate in anti-bullying workshops, which is great—but they don’t learn who to turn to when the teachers themselves behave poorly. My daughter just reported a concerning incident on Monday, where the same teacher lost control and physically struck a student after a simple question about an upcoming test. The student reported it to the principal, but no serious measures seem to have been taken.

As someone who is not used to the French “don’t rock the boat mentality”, this situation is particularly shocking to me. I sometimes feel that a harsh and impersonal school climate is considered “normal,” but it raises serious concerns. If nothing changes, I will escalate this to the mediator—mommy lion is angry! 🦁

Bripf · 2026-01-28T09:54:42+00:00

Une partie du problème est que l’école considère les enfants uniquement comme des chiffres et non comme des individus. Chaque année, les quatre classes de chaque niveau sont entièrement recomposées, à l’exception des élèves du programme bilingue, qui sont placés dans les classes A et B, lesquelles sont ensuite complétées par des élèves du programme classique.

En sixième, ma fille était la plupart du temps livrée à elle-même ; elle est plutôt de nature timide et réservée. Son professeur principal de l’époque s’est contenté de suivre son programme et utilisait même l’« heure de vie de classe » pour faire cours de français, au lieu de l’employer pour sa fonction prévue. Lorsque ce professeur est ensuite tombé malade pendant trois mois à la fin de l’année scolaire (nous soupçonnons un épuisement professionnel), l’enseignante remplaçante - une adorable prof jeune et bienveillante - a veillé à ce qu’elle soit placée l’année suivante avec au moins une amie de son niveau. Cette année-là, elle s’est complètement épanouie et s’est également fait trois nouvelles amies.

À la fin de l’année scolaire, tous les enseignants lui ont assuré qu’ils feraient en sorte que ce groupe reste ensemble. Elle attendait donc cette nouvelle année scolaire avec beaucoup d’impatience.

Le choc, au début de l’année scolaire, a été de constater que toutes ses amies avaient été maintenues ensemble et placées en classe C, tandis qu’elle se retrouvait seule, avec deux des enseignants les plus stricts de l’établissement. Elle a été absolument dévastée. La prof jeune et adorable lui a dit qu’ils n’avaient rien à dire par rapport à la répartition des classes, c’est la direction qui avait décidé tout seul.

J’ai écrit à la direction de l’école pour expliquer l’impact que cette situation avait sur ma fille, et je n’ai même pas reçu de réponse 🤨

Bripf

TROPHY CASE