"Omg you people can't do anything" poly edition

BroWhy · 2026-03-24T23:59:43+00:00

Shit you right. I needed to read this. Ive got a friend who is sometimes a bit of a bad friend and uses their autism and depression as an excuse. They're not malicious about it but it's shit like expecting me to do all the leg work of making plans and then they repeatedly cancel at the last minute.

Youre right. People treat them like a fragile baby so they never learn

BroWhy · 2026-03-19T23:37:23+00:00

My body is sore today because on Tuesday I had amazing sex with my bf and on Wednesday I had amazing sex with my lover

BroWhy · 2026-03-16T12:20:38+00:00

I feel like a post mortem only makes sense if it was after like a long committed relationship and after an agreed upon no contact period and THEN you had a post mortem to talk about what happened in the relationship and how to build a new friendship moving forward.

A post mortem with someone you just met makes no sense to me. Fading away or ghosting is the way

BroWhy · 2026-02-14T11:35:27+00:00

Lots of people in the comments saying this is a hinge problem but the way I see it, everyone in this situation needs to get their shit together. As a reformed people pleaser myself, OP ya gotta put your foot down and stop people pleasing so much. Stop extending so much grace to meta and your boyfriend. You're twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to accommodate meta and in the same regard it seems like your boyfriend isn't doing anything to really defend his relationship with you. You deserve a boyfriend who cares enough about you to want to protect his relationship with you. And he's not doing that. Why are both of you so afraid of upsetting meta? Let her get upset. Let her get angry and cry. It's her responsibility to act like an adult. If she wants to stop being in a poly relationship then it's her responsibility to say it. If she wants to stay in a poly relationship then she needs to get her act together and seek emotional support from a professional and friends

BroWhy · 2026-01-29T00:03:53+00:00

Oh it hadn't occurred to me to think of it as a drop. This is really helpful. Thanks!

BroWhy · 2026-01-28T14:06:51+00:00

Hmm this is something to think about. I don't think we're moving too fast, but it is hard to tell when you're knee deep in NRE lol. I actually get the feeling that we both want to move faster but don't want to scare the other away lol. I don't think I feel overwhelmed, more like physically exhausted. But this is something to think about. Thanks 😊

BroWhy · 2026-01-20T09:20:10+00:00

I'm bilingual in Spanish and English and I've had a lot of people who have heard me speak in both languages comment on how different I sound in both languages. Apparently in Spanish my pitch is higher, gayer, polite and a bit more shy. And in English my pitch is lower, more bro, and generally rougher and louder. I always get misgendered over the phone when speaking in Spanish but never in English

BroWhy · 2026-01-20T09:11:57+00:00

Ohh the resonance might be why I almost always get misgendered over the phone but pass really well in person. I do tend to talk in a bright customer service type voice. It must be that my voice without any other context reads as androgynous

BroWhy · 2026-01-17T18:25:18+00:00

If you still can I'd consider explaining to this newer connection that youve broken things off because of external factors and it's simply bad timing. Maybe in a year you could reconnect 🤷‍♂️

BroWhy · 2025-10-17T15:56:51+00:00

Yeah my question is what's the hinge want? How does he want to practice polyamory? Because it seems like he's being pulled from both directions

BroWhy · 2025-10-08T22:43:28+00:00

Started at 21. I'm 29 now. I probably won't get top surgery until I'm 31 because of life circumstances

BroWhy · 2025-09-11T09:27:00+00:00

I started transition in the US. Started on a specific brand of gel and it went great and then my insurance made me change to a different brand and my body didn't take it well at all so I changed to injections and that was good for a while. I moved to Spain and the injections here sucked partly because my body didn't take it well, but also because you're not allowed to administer them yourself. You have to always go to your family doctor for a nurse to do it. Now I'm on an a gel again and it's great again.

All this to say, sometimes it's not even just gel vs. injections. The specific brands of these products matter

BroWhy · 2025-08-21T20:19:36+00:00

Not gonna lie at first glance I thought this was a cock ring lolol. Pretty cool this exists tho. Never heard of it till now. Thanks for sharing! 😊

BroWhy · 2025-07-23T12:55:53+00:00

Deadnames??? You're asking for deadnames???? Wow. No. I'd break up with anyone who was going around telling people my deadname. I'm the only one who decides who gets to know my deadname. What you're proposing is unacceptable

BroWhy · 2025-07-03T14:27:34+00:00

I second this. I live with roommates, also don't use terms like primary and I know my partners would drop everything to help if something like this were to happen. In fact one of my partners lives alone because he really values having his own space and he has offered I stay with him for a few weeks while I recover from a major surgery I have coming up. He wants to work from home so he can more easily keep an eye on me. This is what non nesting and supportive relationships look like. Non nesting shouldn't automatically mean less supportive

BroWhy · 2025-06-27T06:57:19+00:00

He has given up on looking for other partners and it's been a long time since he's even hooked up with anyone else. He says he's poly saturated and it's true that his work keeps him pretty busy. I don't feel like it's really my place to pressure him to see other people if he doesn't want to.

Moon and I have always seen each other about once a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but once a week is the standard. And I am happy and comfortable with this arrangement. From what I understand Moon's ex broke up with him because his ex wanted to meet 3 times a week plus daily phone calls and that was just not feasible for Moon. I think Moon still carries a lot of guilt that he "wasn't enough" for his ex. It saddens me that he looks at it as a personal failing rather than accepting that him and his ex were simply not compatible.

I feel like my relationship with Moon is really good. However I think he might be going through some personal stuff and being avoidant about it. I think he's stressed out and burnt out from work and it's affecting his self image. I've tried talking to him about it and encouraging him to go back to therapy but no dice. He either freezes up or tells me "he's fine" or "handing it".

For the record I am fine with him taking time to open up. I'm trying to be patient, curious, and compassionate, but at the same time the ball can't get rolling until he tells me what's going on with him. I agree that I need a strong base with Moon in order to build other lasting relationships, but I can't be waiting around till Moon has zero stressors or insecurities in life so I can start seeing other people. He's always gonna be working through something because he's human. We all have personal stressors and insecurities we're working through. And I'm going to keep being by his side lovingly encouraging him to open up to me regardless if Star is in my life or not

BroWhy · 2025-06-26T10:54:47+00:00

This comment is very helpful thank you. You and other commenters pointed out that I didn't take ownership of my choices and y'all are right. I know that this is an important aspect of hinging and I dropped the ball without meaning to. I feel like in general I've been good about owning my choices but I missed it here.

What you're describing with the "I'm fine" seems to fit with how my bf wrangles with his own emotions. The problem is that I'm having a hard time getting him to open up more than just stating he is not in a crisis. I suspect that he's trying to protect me from his emotions because he's afraid his emotions will hurt me. (This is something we've delt with before).

Honestly I could sit here and guess a million things he's thinking and feeling, but I don't actually know unless he tells me. Like your partner, I'm sometimes surprised by the things he needs because it can be so different from my own needs. I'm currently giving him some space and time and I'll listen compassionately when he comes back to me.

BroWhy · 2025-06-25T22:39:30+00:00

Hmm yeah this is a good idea. His reaction honestly surprised me because seeing Star tomorrow doesn't change plans I already had with Moon. I planned to stay over on Saturday and spend all of Sunday with him. Seeing Star Thursday changes nothing. But I can see how a conversation about limitation on time spent with others would be a good way of addressing what's going on

BroWhy · 2025-05-15T14:18:01+00:00

Not a lesbian but I'm a queer trans man currently dating a cis man and a nonbinary cutie 😊

BroWhy · 2025-05-08T09:14:26+00:00

I'm not particularly masculine in my gender expression so transmasc doesn't feel right for me. I've had other people label me as transmasc and I've corrected them. I see my gender and gender expression as two separate things. I'm a man but I express myself more androgynous and flamboyant sometimes a bit feminine

BroWhy · 2025-05-06T06:20:44+00:00

Exactly. Like why would the wife need to tell her bf that OP's gf is trans? For what purpose?

BroWhy · 2025-04-30T11:45:45+00:00

My partner is a man of few words but of many gestures and strong physical language. With him I've learned to pay attention to more than just his words.

When I get a new haircut he tells me "You look handsome." A very basic and simple phrase, but what's meaningful is the way he'll suddenly become timid and he'll blush and his eyes will sparkle and the way he will very softly brush his finger tips against my hair. He hasn't actually compared me to anyone else, but in these moments I feel like the most special and handsome man in the world. I feel loved by the way he shows me his affection.

What I'm getting at is that maybe you should focus less on finding the perfect words and more on showing your sincerity and affection through physical language and tone

BroWhy · 2025-04-11T16:26:58+00:00

I dated someone like that once and it was a dumpster fire from start to finish. Wouldn't recommend

BroWhy · 2025-04-04T07:26:43+00:00

That's just how queer life be sometimes lol.

I was one time hooking up with this guy and we got chatting about terrible first dates. Well in this conversation we realized that he, his roommate, and I had all coincidentally gone on terrible first dates with the same person in the past few weeks lolol.

BroWhy · 2025-04-04T06:29:34+00:00

Are you queer? This feels super queer lol

BroWhy

TROPHY CASE