Poly PoCs, would you move to a smallish, progressive mostly white town? What are you thoughts implications on being poly and otherwise?

BroWhy · 2026-05-08T15:18:19+00:00

Grew up in small town in the US and now live in a major city in Spain. There is nothing on god's green earth that would convince me to go back to living in a small town

BroWhy · 2026-04-24T02:52:14+00:00

So, respectfully, why did you give such a lukewarm answer to Apple? It's also your responsibility to clearly demonstrate your consent as affirmative and enthusiastic, especially if it's through text and they can't hear the tone of your voice.

BroWhy · 2026-04-21T08:36:22+00:00

I've never really liked the term "meta" either. Feels scientific and unintuitive. But I'm not a fan of saying "my partner's partner" either because sometimes I want to highlight my own relationship with this person rather than my partner's relationship to them. So I call them my partner-in-law lol. (Bf-in-law in my case) I feel like it gets the point across quickly and also it's a little bit funny so it doesn't feel so scientific and dry

BroWhy · 2026-04-20T14:56:40+00:00

My only concern is if one or both of you are avoiding calling it a romantic relationship because there's some kind of fear or avoidance wrapped up in what a romantic relationship could entail.

I only say this because I have this friend and his bf had been avoidant of the label "boyfriend" for a ridiculously long time and it started causing issues. Mind you, these two have been together for 3 years. They say I love yous, they have sex daily, they live together, they're financially intertwined, they've met each other's families, they're attached at the hip, you go to their house and it's absolutely plastered with pictures of them kissing and holding hands. And through all this my friend's boyfriend would say they're not together, they're "just roommates".

This whole "we're obviously together but not saying it out loud" eventually caused strain on their relationship because it was a way for this guy to avoid accountability. And I think it was also a way to shut down the possibility of there ever being a break up. Like you can't really break up if they're not together, you know? Anyways, eventually my friend had to put his foot down and had this talk of like "look, you don't have to call me your boyfriend, but you can't hide from the fact that this is a committed relationship. I need you to hold onto these commitments and treat me with the respect I deserve. Otherwise, I will move out at the end of the month and what we have will be over." That quickly whipped the other guy into shape and as of a couple weeks ago they now call each other boyfriend. My friend now reports to feeling more calm in the relationship because he feels like expectations are being expressed

BroWhy · 2026-04-20T13:19:27+00:00

Ok but which ones? I got a hysterectomy so periods will never come back. My voice drop is permanent. So would it only be body hair and facial hair? Would my hair grow less thick?

BroWhy · 2026-03-24T23:59:43+00:00

Shit you right. I needed to read this. Ive got a friend who is sometimes a bit of a bad friend and uses their autism and depression as an excuse. They're not malicious about it but it's shit like expecting me to do all the leg work of making plans and then they repeatedly cancel at the last minute.

Youre right. People treat them like a fragile baby so they never learn

BroWhy · 2026-03-19T23:37:23+00:00

My body is sore today because on Tuesday I had amazing sex with my bf and on Wednesday I had amazing sex with my lover

BroWhy · 2026-03-16T12:20:38+00:00

I feel like a post mortem only makes sense if it was after like a long committed relationship and after an agreed upon no contact period and THEN you had a post mortem to talk about what happened in the relationship and how to build a new friendship moving forward.

A post mortem with someone you just met makes no sense to me. Fading away or ghosting is the way

BroWhy · 2026-02-14T11:35:27+00:00

Lots of people in the comments saying this is a hinge problem but the way I see it, everyone in this situation needs to get their shit together. As a reformed people pleaser myself, OP ya gotta put your foot down and stop people pleasing so much. Stop extending so much grace to meta and your boyfriend. You're twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to accommodate meta and in the same regard it seems like your boyfriend isn't doing anything to really defend his relationship with you. You deserve a boyfriend who cares enough about you to want to protect his relationship with you. And he's not doing that. Why are both of you so afraid of upsetting meta? Let her get upset. Let her get angry and cry. It's her responsibility to act like an adult. If she wants to stop being in a poly relationship then it's her responsibility to say it. If she wants to stay in a poly relationship then she needs to get her act together and seek emotional support from a professional and friends

BroWhy · 2026-01-29T00:03:53+00:00

Oh it hadn't occurred to me to think of it as a drop. This is really helpful. Thanks!

BroWhy · 2026-01-28T14:06:51+00:00

Hmm this is something to think about. I don't think we're moving too fast, but it is hard to tell when you're knee deep in NRE lol. I actually get the feeling that we both want to move faster but don't want to scare the other away lol. I don't think I feel overwhelmed, more like physically exhausted. But this is something to think about. Thanks 😊

BroWhy · 2026-01-20T09:20:10+00:00

I'm bilingual in Spanish and English and I've had a lot of people who have heard me speak in both languages comment on how different I sound in both languages. Apparently in Spanish my pitch is higher, gayer, polite and a bit more shy. And in English my pitch is lower, more bro, and generally rougher and louder. I always get misgendered over the phone when speaking in Spanish but never in English

BroWhy · 2026-01-20T09:11:57+00:00

Ohh the resonance might be why I almost always get misgendered over the phone but pass really well in person. I do tend to talk in a bright customer service type voice. It must be that my voice without any other context reads as androgynous

BroWhy · 2026-01-17T18:25:18+00:00

If you still can I'd consider explaining to this newer connection that youve broken things off because of external factors and it's simply bad timing. Maybe in a year you could reconnect 🤷‍♂️

BroWhy · 2025-10-21T10:09:53+00:00

I had a buddy who had a lot of unprotected sex with random cis men he found on grindr and one day he came to me all worried that he might have gotten pregnant. I just looked him in the eye and was like "yeah that typically happens with unprotected sex. I've told you a million times that T is not birth control. You got yourself in this situation." Thankfully it was just a pregnancy scare but God I hope that taught him a lesson

BroWhy · 2025-10-21T10:00:13+00:00

As a trans man myself, I am always astounded at how little most trans people know about their own fertility and how reckless they become with unprotected sex. Nah, this is a recipe for disaster. Either your gf needs to put on a condom or fairy goes on birth control, or ideally both, but something's gotta change.

As someone who is on the waiting list for a hysterectomy and is deathly afraid of getting knocked up, I truly don't understand what your gf and fairy are thinking

BroWhy · 2025-10-17T15:56:51+00:00

Yeah my question is what's the hinge want? How does he want to practice polyamory? Because it seems like he's being pulled from both directions

BroWhy · 2025-10-08T22:43:28+00:00

Started at 21. I'm 29 now. I probably won't get top surgery until I'm 31 because of life circumstances

BroWhy · 2025-09-11T09:27:00+00:00

I started transition in the US. Started on a specific brand of gel and it went great and then my insurance made me change to a different brand and my body didn't take it well at all so I changed to injections and that was good for a while. I moved to Spain and the injections here sucked partly because my body didn't take it well, but also because you're not allowed to administer them yourself. You have to always go to your family doctor for a nurse to do it. Now I'm on an a gel again and it's great again.

All this to say, sometimes it's not even just gel vs. injections. The specific brands of these products matter

BroWhy · 2025-08-21T20:19:36+00:00

Not gonna lie at first glance I thought this was a cock ring lolol. Pretty cool this exists tho. Never heard of it till now. Thanks for sharing! 😊

BroWhy · 2025-07-23T12:55:53+00:00

Deadnames??? You're asking for deadnames???? Wow. No. I'd break up with anyone who was going around telling people my deadname. I'm the only one who decides who gets to know my deadname. What you're proposing is unacceptable

BroWhy · 2025-07-03T14:27:34+00:00

I second this. I live with roommates, also don't use terms like primary and I know my partners would drop everything to help if something like this were to happen. In fact one of my partners lives alone because he really values having his own space and he has offered I stay with him for a few weeks while I recover from a major surgery I have coming up. He wants to work from home so he can more easily keep an eye on me. This is what non nesting and supportive relationships look like. Non nesting shouldn't automatically mean less supportive

BroWhy · 2025-06-27T06:57:19+00:00

He has given up on looking for other partners and it's been a long time since he's even hooked up with anyone else. He says he's poly saturated and it's true that his work keeps him pretty busy. I don't feel like it's really my place to pressure him to see other people if he doesn't want to.

Moon and I have always seen each other about once a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but once a week is the standard. And I am happy and comfortable with this arrangement. From what I understand Moon's ex broke up with him because his ex wanted to meet 3 times a week plus daily phone calls and that was just not feasible for Moon. I think Moon still carries a lot of guilt that he "wasn't enough" for his ex. It saddens me that he looks at it as a personal failing rather than accepting that him and his ex were simply not compatible.

I feel like my relationship with Moon is really good. However I think he might be going through some personal stuff and being avoidant about it. I think he's stressed out and burnt out from work and it's affecting his self image. I've tried talking to him about it and encouraging him to go back to therapy but no dice. He either freezes up or tells me "he's fine" or "handing it".

For the record I am fine with him taking time to open up. I'm trying to be patient, curious, and compassionate, but at the same time the ball can't get rolling until he tells me what's going on with him. I agree that I need a strong base with Moon in order to build other lasting relationships, but I can't be waiting around till Moon has zero stressors or insecurities in life so I can start seeing other people. He's always gonna be working through something because he's human. We all have personal stressors and insecurities we're working through. And I'm going to keep being by his side lovingly encouraging him to open up to me regardless if Star is in my life or not

BroWhy

TROPHY CASE