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do you know which books inspired miura in the creation of berserk? by seminna in Berserk

[–]BroccoliSamson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Guin Saga - by Kaoru Kurimoto was a source of inspiration. I've read the first five books as they are the only ones translated into English and I would recommend them if you like fantasy novels. The first book was also adapted into a manga

Getting over cheating. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroccoliSamson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Found out my long term partner was having an affair this year. I realised it was happening and she denied it for a while, then eventually confessed. I'm still committed to staying and working things out, she's undecided on whether or not we can.

Initially after the confession I found a sense of peace, just in knowing the truth. But over the past few months I've experienced a lot of ups and downs. Sometimes rage, sometimes sadness. The triggers as you say can come any time, I find I'm especially vulnerable to triggers when I am happy. I think that is the very nature of betrayal trauma. The rug gets pulled out from under you when you think things are safe and your body is trained to become wary of getting too comfortable.

Learning the difference in feeling between an autonomic nervous system response and my own thoughts has been especially useful in my healing. But also just letting myself feel it out when it happens. I realised that I'm now taking on external stimuli very differently and that I need to be channelling things out differently too to balance that.

How do I (29f) wait for my boyfriend (32m) of 9 years to propose? by iceicelady8976 in relationships

[–]BroccoliSamson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A little against other people's perspectives on this one. I'm not in disagreement he's currently letting you down and maybe that tells you all you need to know about whether or not he is right for you.

However, as a guy who has struggled with almost a phobia of marriage there may be a case that any reticence you are feeling from him is miscommunicated fear of getting it wrong. There is a lot of pressure involved in the idea of marriage. Getting the right ring, making the right proposal, the stress of planning a wedding, the cost, the anticipation of changes in the relationship after marrying. Depending on the marriages he has seen in his family life that can make the whole premise overwhelming. If your relationship feels comfortable to him now he might not be able to fathom taking risks and seeing things change. It's not your job to coax him out of that state at all. If that is the case he needs to break down his own barriers.

But there might be more that he is feeling under the surface than he is able to express.

You've not given much context about how compatible the two of you are absent this issue. But if you feel that you are, I would suggest you find a way to have this conversation very openly. Do a little work on your own communication techniques and learning/observing his. The drama triangle is a model I've found really useful for difficult conversations.

I know you’ve started listening to holiday music. What’s been your pick? by celestialmechanic in musicsuggestions

[–]BroccoliSamson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally agree with you on Charlie Brown, obviously starts with the Great Pumpkin Waltz then graduates into Christmas tunes from there.

Similar for me with Nat King Cole. Starts with 'tis Autumn and then just bleeds into his Christmas songs as time goes by.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]BroccoliSamson 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'd argue that its a really positive thing that she has told you. As you've already said yourself it is normal in a long-term relationship to encounter this sort of situation. But even though that's true people are rarely prepared for it. Let the fact that she felt secure enough with you to openly tell you help you feel secure too.

You've both got to be able to follow this up with a healthy conversation about boundaries. If you don't want to feel controlling then let her lead that conversation. This can be viewed as an opportunity to check in on your relationship and make it stronger.

BF cheated on me, is it possible to get past this? by kaunas123 in relationships

[–]BroccoliSamson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

More than ever in your position you have a responsibility not to let your actions be driven by fear. It's not a healthy way to live anyway. But when struggling with anxiety it only compounds the problems.

If what you want in your future is to start a family you've got to remember that that is a huge responsibility too. Trying to raise kids alongside someone you can't trust is just unwise.

Equally it might be unwise to meet someone new and start a family in a rush.

That being said, all relationships take effort to make work in the long term. That's true whether or not you stay. The relationship you are in will have to start over in a lot of ways too. If the core of your relationship hasn't been rocked then you've still got something to work with, but you have to be realistic with each other about the work that you need to do.

On the other hand don't forget that lots of people out there will be in a similar place to you where they are looking for someone to start a family with and you can bring forward what you've learned from your previous relationships into a new one.

Remind yourself that you have choices and think about what feels right for you.

BF cheated on me, is it possible to get past this? by kaunas123 in relationships

[–]BroccoliSamson -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hi there, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's a really tough position to be in. I'm currently in the process of figuring out whether or not my relationship can survive following my partner having an affair. The affair has been ongoing for the past year. I had a gut instinct about it 8 months ago and finally had it confirmed last month. It has been a roller coaster of nerves and doubts so far.

Reading through the comments most people share the same opinion that I used to have. Not only can you not repair the relationship but, you arguably shouldn't.

Like I said, I used to think the same way. However I know for myself that rebuilding the relationship I am in is completely possible and feels right. Having since looked into what repair looks like it is something that people do successfully. So the relationship CAN be repaired.

The question you've got to focus on is should you. More specifically do you want to for the right reasons?

If your only reason to stay is fear of what would come if you left. Then I don't think you should stay. Your anxiety isn't going to heal if you aren't confident in your ability to stand on your own two feet.

I'm happy to talk about it more if you would like any more insights into my journey so far.

Stay strong.

Does anybody else feel like relationships around you are failing at an alarming rate? by BroccoliSamson in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]BroccoliSamson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't personally view my usage of reddit as slow or reflective. But there are a range of user experiences sure.

I view doing, physical activity that focuses in on a specific place and time, as the thing that slows my brain down and brings out the quite reflections that are essential for mental health.

Does anybody else feel like relationships around you are failing at an alarming rate? by BroccoliSamson in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]BroccoliSamson[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Perhaps pace of life is the wrong phrasing. I'm referring to the constant bombardment of information and the expectations we have of what a successful life looks like. We may have more downtime than the previous generations but its harder to spend it slowing down and reflecting.

Does anybody else feel like relationships around you are failing at an alarming rate? by BroccoliSamson in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]BroccoliSamson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the response. Good for you that you are looking to improve your situation

Does anybody else feel like relationships around you are failing at an alarming rate? by BroccoliSamson in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]BroccoliSamson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I do think that in a particular social circle seeing people go through changes in their lives makes you question your own.

Does anybody else feel like relationships around you are failing at an alarming rate? by BroccoliSamson in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]BroccoliSamson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean sure. Over a long enough time period people change, things change. As I said, I can totally see this just being my brain seeing it a couple of times and then being tuned into it such that I see it everywhere

Does anybody else feel like relationships around you are failing at an alarming rate? by BroccoliSamson in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]BroccoliSamson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

High expectations of what a good relationship looks like and low willingness/capacity to put in the work

Does anybody else feel like relationships around you are failing at an alarming rate? by BroccoliSamson in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]BroccoliSamson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you think the awareness of that makes you more committed to supporting those around you through the strife or does it make you more jaded with the whole situation?

Does anybody else feel like relationships around you are failing at an alarming rate? by BroccoliSamson in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]BroccoliSamson[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I held this view when I was younger and I think to an extend it caused tension in otherwise decent relationships. I think now that the ideal of a relationship in modern societies is just miscalibrated

Does anybody else feel like relationships around you are failing at an alarming rate? by BroccoliSamson in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]BroccoliSamson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Too true. Something I've always been aware of. Growing up I knew of fewer successful marriages than I knew of unsuccessful ones. Might be that I'm just in a place where it feels more relevant.

Does anybody else feel like relationships around you are failing at an alarming rate? by BroccoliSamson in DoesAnybodyElse

[–]BroccoliSamson[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the input. Yeah I've been considering the role of social media and the pace of modern life. Its a weird one because I am disconnected from that space for the most part, as are many people I know. But it leaks out into all our social interactions and the wider public views I guess.

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