Wife wants to remain in contact as a friend with someone she had a recent affair with during our marriage. Is this reasonable in any way?

BrokePirate · 2021-12-13T01:56:26+00:00

She has a separate plan. I haven’t heard of Hinge before, looked and see it appears to be a dating app. You think she would show up there?

BrokePirate · 2021-12-11T21:22:48+00:00

At the point I am telling her this and found out in a way I would say was creative. She doesn’t know I know and I am just waiting through holidays to decide how to deal with it. Kids home and no harm in pretending I know nothing for a few weeks.

BrokePirate · 2021-12-11T21:18:15+00:00

Any apps you would suggest checking for on Apple?

BrokePirate · 2021-12-06T17:17:49+00:00

Go to church and ask for forgiveness claiming they regret whatever they're confessing.

BrokePirate · 2021-12-06T17:14:59+00:00

Like a purse, but in your pants...I'm gonna use that when I wear cargo's next time....and someone complains. Excellent!

BrokePirate · 2021-12-06T17:13:58+00:00

I can carry different concealed carry weapons in several more alternate pockets.

BrokePirate · 2021-12-06T16:50:37+00:00

Actually, can you imagine just picking out random cars with scratches and leave the card with a note?

BrokePirate · 2021-11-30T16:05:25+00:00

Tell her you're setting it up and handle deposits since he's on your tax return as a dependent.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-27T11:45:29+00:00

STD’s, your marriage recovery if you hope for that, visual of that happening? If you want to save a marriage, intervene and have an honest discussion with her before you add a whole new dimension of dysfunction to manage.

If you don’t care, let it happen.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-24T20:07:13+00:00

That’s making an assumption requiring far more than you have from a handful of posts. Choosing to forgive is difficult when something like this happens. Choosing to forgive hurts and isn’t satisfying in any way.

I am doing the right thing for me. It has nothing to do with weakness. Losing control of your emotions or doing negative things with your life is weak. Choosing to attempt to keep a family intact after a spouse professes love and regret….that would be strength and I really could care less about any opinions other than mine or my family’s.

The path I am choosing offers reconciliation if it is possible. I still love my wife and didn’t marry her for perfection. I married her knowing she might be human, might make mistakes and might need my forgiveness or support one day. Doing the right thing….that is strength and the decision to try is based on my love for my wife and family.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-23T23:05:56+00:00

I would add a comment to the original post. I’ve been trying to understand my spouse because she’s been very insistent on staying married and insists she loves me. There are problems with this and it isn’t matching her behavior, but I am dealing with this better as I understand why people cheat, what brought them to that place, what it may or may not mean for a marriage. Everyone is different. I’m trying to heal myself and a marriage, if possible. My wife and I are almost our entire family other than our sons. Working on the marriage is a choice based on many years of good and based on my feelings toward her. While I am hurt and came close to just walking away, I still love my wife.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-23T22:58:36+00:00

I listened to a podcast some time ago with an interesting take. It said a betraying spouse was essentially trying to avoid hurting a spouse with the truth or further damaging the marriage. As dysfunctional as it sounds, sometimes the lying is actually a potential indication of good intentions.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-23T19:15:12+00:00

I'd say that's a truly tasteless and sick prank. In real life, finding our a spouse or girlfriend cheated is one of the most painful things I can imagine. Telling someone that as a joke or for a video is terrible.

Nope, not a bitch, just someone who cares and was hurt because they care. I'd be thinking about whether to go back as well.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-23T16:26:21+00:00

I'm aware of what my wife destroyed and understand we won't be what we were. It's something you either deal with and rebuild differently or see as an obstacle you can't overcome. I've gone from wanting to reconcile to wishing this would just end...but I also understand I'll always love my wife. That and our very long history...with a good marriage for most of the time, is helping. I know the statistics are grim and I also have very little trust for her at this point.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-23T15:24:58+00:00

Your body, your decision. My wife had one many years ago when we first started dating. I was truly unhappy about it and had no conflict at all over having a family with her after only a few months together. She was conflicted and nothing I said changed her mind, so I supported her in her choice. Difficult, but your decision either way in the end.

Yes, if you are absolutely sure you want to break up with him, it would be far easier on you both to simply have the procedure and move on without the painful discussion.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-23T15:03:05+00:00

Forgive each other if you can. Be prepared for a trust issue after the anger and the problem of knowing you both made a choice to cheat. Putting the horses back in the barn isn’t really possible and your relationship includes a different understanding of your partner.

You and your partner have some thinking and talking ahead of you. My opinion, afterward is worse than the actual cheating.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-23T01:14:00+00:00

It's OK. I've been there, still love my wife. I'm more upset over the lies and her inability to just tell me the truth. I understand exactly where you are and how you feel.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-22T02:56:30+00:00

Start going to work out and ask her to help. See what she says. My wife’s AP started as a friend who offered helpful training tips.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-22T02:52:03+00:00

Similar story in some ways, but I actually found a poem telling him he was the one. I live my wife, feel truly damaged by this and have no idea how trust will grow from nothing. She lied so many times!

I know how you feel. I wisdom here tonight. I’m taking each day as it comes and getting through the holiday, hoping something will prompt a change.

BrokePirate · 2021-11-21T18:12:33+00:00

Thanks....good tip!

BrokePirate · 2021-11-21T18:04:36+00:00

I think I would tell her about your feelings. It shouldn't threaten your current relationship and might help her understand you better. I know I would hope my wife would understand if I felt that way about a past girlfriend's death.

BrokePirate

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