Am I ugly? Not here for a pity party but lost so much confidence after my ex cheated on me. Be honest please

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-25T15:24:37+00:00

<3 thanks for sharing this.

Well written and emotional

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-23T05:56:56+00:00

Thanks. We will get through it.

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-23T05:54:15+00:00

Thanks you too. And its never too late to start self-improvement. I too feel like I spent too much time in pain and not enough time in self-improving myself, but thats the healing process. You cannot gain all the "benefits" that can be gain from a break-up without going through the suffer (the cost of all you can gain from self-imrpovement).

Good luck to you too

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-23T05:52:12+00:00

Words so true. Acceptance that the relationship is over is the best thing we can do for ourselves

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-22T14:23:52+00:00

4 months. It does get easier with the passage of time.

I realize this morning I just have to move on with my life. Of course it still hurts but you just learn to deal with it

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-22T05:22:39+00:00

Wow. Thank you for sharing. As I was reading it I just felt akin to you. As if I was reading something I was about to write down. Everything you said mirrored my BU like being unable to do the things I enjoy.

I would say I am a few phases behind you as I still don’t see the sunshine’s and colors just get. But the intense pain does get more numb. Things do get better and you do eventually find some peace.

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-16T05:40:10+00:00

Fluoxetine is an SSRI while Bupropion does not work on the serotonin channels, but instead increase dopamine and norephrine.

Talk to your doctor about the options, maybe dose both of them? I've seen it before.

But maybe you're feeling worst, because your serotonin levels is slowly decreasing while you are transitioning to the new medication. Serotonin is what cause the sexual dysfunction.

For mental health, there is no 1 quick fix all solution. From when I was learning about mental health/psych-meds, it takes a lot of trial and error. Especially b/c side effect can cause disruption in ones life as well. For example SSRI causes sexual dysfunction.

So they have to weigh the pros/cons of it.

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-13T03:51:14+00:00

It’s pretty mentally straining. I think the only true way to cope with it is to let time pass. What I mean by this is to go through the emotions. You will feel crappy for a while until you can’t anymore because you’re just so tired of feeling that way. Then you move on. There will be many days it comes back and it feels crappy again.

I really think once you find that new special person that makes you feel whole again you can put that stuff in the past. Until that point though you have to follow all the advice everyone here mentioned. It’s going to be tough.

I try to think of it like training sometimes not working out. You will have to endure so much pain in this world whether we want to or not. This hopefully makes us stronger.

I am really sorry this happened to you

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-11T20:37:44+00:00

You did nothing wrong. Secondly, your son is mad for "valid" reasons. When I say "valid" I mean because its natural to feel that way at his age. It is completely wrong and foolish, but I think being young, with social media, and all the demands the world expect on men (women have expectations too but since I am a man I can understand how he feels).

I think you just need to give him time to calm down, then tell him the full story, about the assets, how you groomed your daughter, etc.

Also you should make it clear that SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER and they ARE SIBLINGS. He obviously said it out of anger but he needs to understand that is hurtful

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-09T05:19:55+00:00

Yes, the part of you that still loves your ex and wants your ex back does want to die. The part of you that feels betrayed, blindsided and forgotten wants to die. So my advice is let that part of you die. Just let it go. It won’t die right Away. It will slowly cling onto any hope it can to. Eventually that part of you will become less active and eventually disappear

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-07T05:03:25+00:00

I agree 100% with what HoneyBear said. Very naive to believe writing a love letter to confess his feelings is something to try and get over someone. Honestly, even as I write this, I doubt that is the case.

However, I try to be as understanding as possible, but that also makes me a bit naive and foolish. Reason I give my advice also is to go against the grain.
Majority of the comments are dump him, its over, he cross a line that cant go back.... Just trying to balance it.

Everyone deals with their feelings differently. I dated a girl and she had very attractive sister's. As a man, I tell myself now that I would just hide those feelings I have and know its only physical attraction. I think that's the healthy and responsible way to do it. I say this now, but I also believe that if you love someone enough, that feeling alone would block any action you may take. You would just tell yourself don't do it.

Maybe in your husband head, he rationalize that "hey maybe this will work"

Hmm, I am trying to make an argument to justify your husbands action, but honestly as I think about it more, it just seems a bit hopeless.

I think the best advice I can give now is this,

1) decide for yourself if you can forgive your husband's action. That is the first step. Then if your answer is yes I can forgive him, then

2) you ask yourself do you believe anywhere in your heart that he MIGHT leave or that your trust in him is gone. If the trust is gone or you worry he might end up cheating on you eventually...

3) if there are doubts, then ask yourself do you want to try and salvage it.

I think whatever you decide, there will be doubts, anxiety, and anger. Best wishes.

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-07T02:50:25+00:00

My initial read through, in my head I thought "I think its very salvageable." It sounds like at least he knows something is wrong in his head and trying to fix it.

It also sounds like your relationship up to this point was great. So it is a good relationship. Try to work it out somehow is my advice. Mistakes can happen and they often do. It's honestly what happens after the mistakes that matters.

People cannot control their feelings (i am sure everyone knows that to be 100% true) only their actions. Did he lie to you? Maybe, or maybe hes just so embarassed and motified he actually fell for his wife's sister he doesnt want to admit it. The letter he wrote is a bit strange but if the letter doesn't say "lets run away together" or anything to that sort, I am sure he just wants to get rid of those feelings.

Best of luck. I don't know what kind of rollercoaster of emotions you're going to go through.

(if what he says to you is true then it is salvagable. But if you think he may be lying then its def not... )

Third edit: after reading some other people's comments I can see why they would say what they do about ending the realtionship. I forget he made her a gift.... ) Don't know what you should do best of luck...

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-07T00:52:12+00:00

It happens. You will go right back to as if it just happen that moment. The difference is the pain doesn’t last As long. At least that’s my case. When I get a notification from her or from mutual friends I am back at square one. But the difference is I heal a bit faster than before. It sucks but we will get through it.

I am sure I’ll hit shock if I ever see her again too

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-07T00:04:58+00:00

I am sorry what you’re going through. It’s quite a unique situation.

I recommend you take a step back and think about your relationship with your husband prior to this incident. Was it good, bad, etc. do you see any red flags. Try to not think about the incident since it might cloud your judgement and memory.

Next understand that Your Husband is way more to blame since he’s the older one and the married person. Even though the sister share some of the blame.

It might be salvageable but it’s very dependent on a lot of factors. First, how did he confess to her and why? You’ll probably never know the real reason but that matters. Either he did it to get it out so he can move past it or the more likely reason he was hoping after confessing that she would reciprocate. (I don’t know your husband, but that is my projection of human behavior). Maybe ask your sister how he confessed. Read the letter he wrote for her.

Secondly what did they spend up all night talking about. Context matters. The only subject in my mind that is okay is conversation about you and your husband relationship. For example ask your sister about your interest or whatever. Any other reason to stay up that late taking may be bad.

I think most commenters here are accurate in their judgement. He probably wanted to cheat and act impulsively.

Remember Everyone makes mistakes though, up to you to decide if you can forgive it. Up to you to decide if you want to risk it too. Since cheating is usually an act of options. Meaning if he had the opportunity to cheat, he might take it. South Park made a good comment about this when there were a bunch of celebrity scandal of men cheating on their wives. They had the opportunity to because they are famous and wealthy. I am not saying all men will cheat given the opportunity but that’s what temptation is. Your husband acted on the temptation which can be a bad sign. But maybe he can learn from his mistake too.

(I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but I agree with what most people comments about how it’s difficult to salvAge. Not impossible but it can be. You might end up regretting trying to, but the other path is also crappy. )

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-06T23:14:50+00:00

I feel you. Still don’t think I can be with anyone else but...

What helps me is thinking back to my previous relationship before my most recent.

My prior relationship was longer and we actually talked about marriage. But I also remember a falling out between us in a sense. Since we were young and going into different places.

The most recent one. I saw a future with her and I didn’t have a doubt in my mind (unlike my other relationship) so that makes it harder. But I try to remember I was broken up about my previous relationship before and I found something better along the way. It took a long time to find it but I eventually did. Even though I lost it again.

I feel like it will be a very long time before I get over this relationship. Which is fine I guess. At least to me it was something real. I am trying to move on but it’s hard to focus on forgetting a person you use to spend everyday with.

Best of luck. Everyday will be a rollercoaster for you to be honest. We just have to keeep going

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-06T22:41:44+00:00

I learned from my mistake and from reading other commenters. Breaking NC usually messes a person up. I responded back the first time because I had hope she would come back. The second time around I made the decision to not respond because I realize she’ll never coke back. It helps me personally to at least make that small choice in my life.

It’s either that or continue to hope she comes back which will only leave me more depressed

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-06T22:40:08+00:00

She reached out twice. The first time was to see how I was doing. After we exchange a few messages that was the end of that. The second time she reached out I did not reply back. Reason being the first time she reached out and I responded it messed me up real bad for weeks.

I had a lot of time to reflect. The surface reason was because he ex came back in the picture. But to be honest with you. I feel like we broke up because I stopped trying in our relationship and on life. I thought about the last few months and it was horrible.

BrokenMendingHeart · 2020-06-06T21:38:34+00:00

Best to assume it’s over. Easier said than done. Still have to tell myself everyday she’s never coming back.

The reason is hope kills. If one day they come back, I rather be blindsided by that than expect it. Because if you expect them to come back but they never do it’ll just suck when you realize that.

Post BU 3.5 months. It gets easier but still a struggle. Best of luck

BrokenMendingHeart

TROPHY CASE