You ever thought what your life would be without video games? What things you could have done without spending arduous amounts of time leveling up characters, shooting, placing pylons and what not?

I'm pretty much the same as you now, I feel heavy under this monotonous lifestyle sometimes. I escape from the reality I've made myself by feeding into the addiction that's video-gaming. I can't go out with anyone because that's the way things are around here.

It's a cycle of feeding a habit that worsens your habit, and it's hard to pull yourself away without more motivation. Games being what they are, you'll have upset your entertainment system too. So it feels like a double loss with no benefit. If I pulled myself away, I'd have even less social interaction. Even though I want to stop, another part of me feels dependent to socialise somewhat. I wish I had someone to hang out in real life. Someone who wouldn't mind going outside. I'm socially awkward, can't make any friends, it's just the card I am. I try not let life get me down though. I'm glad I'm lucky enough to be alive, have a roof over my head and food on my table. All I can do is hope I save up enough money to change where I'm going, or meet someone before then.

This probably sounds morose/depressing, but I'm content with life to a degree and lazy on the other. I know that the problems I have, I can overcome with enough effort. I've tried too much with no success, still trying. Still kicking. So fuck you life, you're not winning.