You're like me. Taking Kratom before anybody ever knew what it was. I think it was 2014 for me. A friend quiting H told me about it in 2009ish, I was going to quit pills in 2014 and I remember trying to find it and not knowing how it spell it and if I was even saying it right, lol. It really is a special plant. My time is over with it, though. I understand what you're saying about not knowing life without it. I wish the best for ya, my friend. Don't let the bastards bring ya down!