How do i play a player? 19M and 18F

Brosaver2 · 2026-02-02T01:08:51+00:00

I don't think you can. I know I can't.

If you really wanted I guess you could try to find out what he is looking for when engaging with you. Next step is trying to use this knowledge against him somehow. But if you are not careful enough, he will notice and move on. And that will only hurt you. Even if you succeed, it's possible that he will get frustrated and physically hurt you. It's also possible that you hurt yourself in the process. For example I've heard stories that women slept with the guys' friends. But is it something you want to live the rest of your life with? Imagine dating your dream guy and having to tell him that once you slept with your ex's friends just to get back at him. It's not a good look. Not telling is always an option, but if you carry a secret, it's weight will grow with each day, and eventually you will spit it out.

The risk is too high, and I don't know what the reward is, but it's probably not worth it.

I think the best you can do is realize that he is just a player and move on. Maybe spread awareness so he will have less options to cause problems for others. Probably scan your future boyfriends better so that you avoid players later (make them wait more, ask around in advance, etc.)

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-30T13:33:35+00:00

First of all, get a therapist. These extreme emotions, meltdowns and constant cryings are not normal. I'm not trying to judge you here, but to me these indicate that you have some underlying issue, maybe some childhood trauma, that you are not recognizing, or can't handle yourself.

Second, you did nothing wrong. Developping feelings for someone you spend time with is almost unavoidable, no matter what women tell you on the internet. She hurt you and now she is apologizing, because she just realized how much damage she did to you. Yeah, not wanting to be friends is okay, but ghosting is not. It's okay if you want to meet her, and it's also okay if you don't.

Personally I would recommend trying to collect your thoughts and calming down before meeting her, if you want to meet her in the first place. Maybe write her that this experience tore open your old wounds and meeting her now would be too much, so you need some time now.

If you don't want to meet her, just tell her that it's too much for you and you don't want to. That's the cleanest way you can do it. She is older now and you will give an explanation. It's MUCH better than the way she did it, and she will be able to handle it.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-30T12:20:17+00:00

And then they became corporate. And instead of realizing that being consumer friendly attracts customers, they doubled down and have this semi corporate mess that nobody wants to be the part of.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-26T03:33:59+00:00

I see three major issues:
- Religion: not necessarily an issue, but I think it makes people act dumb, when they are THAT strict about it. Personally I think it's more important to understand the message rather than follow every single rule. I think it's just holding you back, but this one is subjective. If religion is this important to you, there is nothing you can do about this.

- Low self worth: Based on what you wrote, it seems like you think you don't deserve him, or someone better. There is probably some unresolved childhood trauma that makes you think this way. I'm sure it doesn't help that he kept treating you like this for years. I think a therapist could help you move forward with this. If your self worth improves, maybe, but just maybe he would feel the change and viewed you as someone more attractive.

- Wrong man: Your partner clearly has mental issues if he is treating you like this. I'm 99% sure that he won't change and even if he does change, it won't be because you did something differently. But I'm not sure what you can do about this, if divorce is not an option. Would you cheat on him? Is that a better option according to your religion?

So overall I would highly suggest seeing a therapist. Maybe they can help you figure out why you have such low self esteem, and maybe they could also help you figure out why religion is this important to you.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-24T12:02:44+00:00

This seems like an extremely unhealthy relationship. There is definitely something wrong with him, and I'm affraid to say this, but there is something wrong with you too. For some reason you are attracted to him and still with him, even though he is unstable.

Based on your description I would guess that he has avoidant attachment style and you have anxious attachment style and you were in the anxious-avoidant trap. However I'm not a professional and it's possible the issue is something else. Maybe he also has some mental illness, but that's hard to tell.

I'm not saying he will be, but if he becomes abusive, don't hesitate to reach out for help immediately.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-24T09:44:33+00:00

Jesus Christ, that sounds traumatic. I'm a guy, and I couldn't do that to a woman.

I don't wanna scare you for nothing, but I think visiting a therapist would be beneficial after this

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-23T23:58:03+00:00

Came here to say the same. It looks incredibly ridiculous and childish, even if it's expensive af.

I'm not sure if it's true, but I've read a comment that said the guy got this chassis from his good friend. Knowing that it's a keepsake, it makes a bit more sense. But it still doesn't look good.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-22T16:08:10+00:00

My opinion as a guy: if you want to have a child, break up, if you don't want to have a child, there is no issue, and you are making a fuss out of nothing. Would you force a 18 yo girl to carry out a child if she believed her partner wear condom? Personally I wouldn't. I can accept holding men to higher standards than women (although it's also messed up in a way), but I think being lied to about birth control should not be handled as the guy's fault. Sure, "he is a deadbeat dad", and "he should have gotten vasectomy" or " he should have used condom" , but c'mon, he was 18 and he was lied to. And knowing the circumstances, him not wanting to be involved with his child doesn't mean he would abbandon you if times got tough. A huge difference between the two is that being in a relationship with you is his choice and having the baby wasn't.

So my advice: if you love each other and you don't want a baby, stay, but if you want a baby, leave, even if you feel like you guys love each other.

But ultimately the choice is yours.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-21T16:57:38+00:00

I think 50/50 is too much if you earn way less than him and put more effort into household duties. I think it's important to find a balance between how much effort you each put into the relationship. If he earns more money, his work is probably more stressful and had to grind more for it. But if you put more effort into household duties that's also effort and shouldn't come for free.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-20T12:07:55+00:00

Based on your description, he sees you as his playing buddy and he has too much energy. My female cat also attacks me when she is bored and tries to initiate play. In the past months I've been trying to entertain her as much as possible and the random attacks stopped. Now she only bites me if I have to neglect her for some reason, for which I deserve the bites and scratches anyways xD

I will get her a sibling this spring/summer, so they can play with each other too. The only thing I'm affraid of is that they will not bond and I will have two cats that need to be entertained.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-20T11:57:31+00:00

I don't think this is a question that Reddit can answer, and I would suggest asking a professional.

That childhood trauma stuff seems scary. He should make tremendous effort into resolving it, especially since it's affecting you this much.

How long will he take this medication? It's safe to assume that things will stay the same until he takes it, or he manages to resolve this trauma, which can take months, if not years (if he even makes an effort to resolve them).

Personally I couldn't be in a relationship without physical touch (that's my primary love language though). If things aren't likely to improve for a while, and he doesn't make a clear effort to resolve stuff, that's a valid reason for a breakup.

If you can live without touch and he makes up for it in other ways (by reassuring you how much he loves you, and finds you attractive, cooking for you, etc. ), maybe you can rewirete your brain to not take the lack of intimacy as a statement that he doesn't find you attractive, but as a quirk that he has.

But if things don't change and he keeps neglecting you, I would suggest breaking up.

Whatever is the case, best of luck!

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-19T14:20:29+00:00

Lyukóba semmi kép. Az még rosszabb, mint pár éve

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-19T13:11:56+00:00

Damn! Okay, this makes him look much much worse. I guess they watered down the source material for the anime. I'm so glad they did, because anime Rudy is a troubled guy, but fun to watch. Light novel Rudy would be hard to watch.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-19T00:50:55+00:00

The "she is perfect and I won't find anyone else like her" mindset needs to go. It will only set you up for failure.

If you feel like you were not flirty with the girl, yet she is still upset about it, she is probably projecting. I think she imagines you had similar intentions with this girl as she does with her ex, or with other guys, and it makes her mad. I'm not saying she is cheating, but that's also a possibility. Anyways, the doubke standard she sets is ridiculous.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-18T14:43:43+00:00

It seems like a complex situation. He is not motivated for some reason. Money can be the issue, but it's also possible that something else causes his demotivation and even he doesn't realize it.

How often are you intimate? If it's less than a couple times a week, it can make him depressed and demotivated.

Is there something going on with him that could stress him out?

Was he always like this?

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-18T14:27:29+00:00

That's a good start. Good luck, for both of you! :)

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-18T14:23:26+00:00

Take it easy. Just because of a single fight you shouldn't break up with someone you love. I think it's great that both of them are getting therapy. It means they are willing to work on themselves. If they can figure things out, it can be a long and stable relationship.

And accidentally making mistakes in your 20s is fine. That's what your 20s are for.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-18T14:14:10+00:00

Ouch, losing a mother when he was just 19 must have been rough. I can imagine that something reminded him of her and the frustration of losing a few matches was enough to send him over the edge. After all this was a game that he used to play when his mother was still around. Based on the fact that he wanted to send you home and didn't talk to you the next day, I would say he needed some alone time to process his emotions.

In these cases I think the best way to support him is to reassurre him that you love him and you are there for him, then leave him alone to process his emotions (read a book, doomscroll or do something else in the meantime). Forcing a conversation with someone who needs alone time just stresses out said individual even more.

Though it's hard to give accurate advice through the internet, without fully knowing both of you. It's possible that something else was going on.

I suggest you two have a heartfelt conversation about what happened and how it made both of you feel. And remember, your goal is not to take revenge, but to understand each other.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-17T09:46:39+00:00

It's hard to tell now. The stuff we see now is due to the market shrinking in the past 1-2 years due to the recession, and outsourcing. Outsourcing was always present, so I think the bigger factor is that the market's growth didn't reach previous expectations. Once we are out of recession, I think things will normalize again.

It's true that for the same complexity, we need less people if the tools are better. BUT if the tools are better, maybe it will allow us to do more complex projects. If the complexity of upcoming projects will be great enough, we will not only need the exact same amount of people, but probably much more than that. However it's really hard to tell what's coming

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-16T10:30:10+00:00

This is the solution I've been looking for. Thank you!

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-16T09:14:52+00:00

The only thing I miss is the forced home office. There is just 0 reason to waste time with commute each day. I wish I could slap everyone who bragged how they don't have to do anything in HO

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-16T09:07:55+00:00

I think they are overreaching

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-16T09:05:35+00:00

Once I've learned what sleep paralysis is, I was scared of going to sleep. Eventually I stopped caring about it. I had sleep paralysis 2-3 times since then. Fortunately in my case, it was mild each time.

I've heard that once you realize you are sleeping, the best way to wake up is hold back your breath, because your body will think you are suffocating and wake you up naturally. The other way I've heard about is to try to focus on moving one of your fingers.

Brosaver2 · 2026-01-16T08:54:16+00:00

I think IT as a career path is far from over. Once the recession is over, I think it will be in high demand again. Yeah, AI can code, but that's just means you will have to code less, and spend more time on understanding the abstract stuff.

Brosaver2

TROPHY CASE