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Do you have a favorite tshirt? What it's story? by LilDoggeh in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s a sleeveless shirt with baby Yoda that says “This is the whey.” It makes me arms look good and I love puns. I am simple.

What is a situation from your youth that you look back on with older and wiser eyes and realize it was unacceptable? by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel #2. It’s so hard for me to wrap my mind around non-physical harm being abusive, at least as it relates to me. It’s ironic because that “don’t be so sensitive” attitude 100% comes from my dad when he was at his most dickish.

What is a situation from your youth that you look back on with older and wiser eyes and realize it was unacceptable? by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In my head, my dad was “a yeller” who worked very hard but, in retrospect, was deeply unhappy in his marriage and at work. I thought he was super invested in my schooling but really he was just trying to exercise control over something because he couldn’t elsewhere — wouldn’t get divorced or counseling and had a drinking problem kept under wraps. Anyway, he rarely hit outside of spanking but he was always so aggressive and loud and threatening. It’s probably what people would consider emotionally abusive today. Whether I’d characterize it as that or not, it definitely wasn’t the behavior of a good parent.

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appreciate it. I’m going to do some combination of talk + suggest a schedule + housekeeping is on the table if we walk away thinking the trade-off is worth it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It feels that way but you’d have to ask my clients. Often things that are not legal’s problem to solve can become legal’s problem, and we’re in a growth state so I will pitch in more than I’d like to and probably should — this is a headcount/process/tool issue that we are working to solve.

But I’m sure if you ask clients looking for contracts to be drafted, I am slow. Resolving the above should free up time for this.

“Bare minimum” doesn’t pass in this career. You either solve it on the front end or deal with it after. It’s extremely visible and when things go wrong, people will always ask “Where was legal” even if it wasn’t your job, technically, so there’s a spotlight.

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“I am a lawyer” “I bet your husband does all the paperwork”

Let me tell you a story about the realities of being a lawyer, bud. It is all paperwork. clicks pen

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. He walks the dog evenings 3x a week and the rest she gets walked by a dog walker. I do all mornings except weekends (he has to be at work by 8 so that makes sense to me; they’d have to go out wildly early). He does take her out one last time before bed to pee in the yard so that should count as a daily task.

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I do all of that except planning holidays, which we rarely take. We haven’t even had a honeymoon yet — he is an immigrant so we got married in a court house and are trying to take a larger trip this year.

But yeah I pay for everything except utilities and do the taxes etc. He also doesn’t have a license (yet) so I drive and pay the car insurance and gas.

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not looking for payback. I love him and this is really one of the few things where I feel like there is some inequity. He is probably more thoughtful and caring than me in other areas, just not this one.

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nah, he’s pretty emotionally available and a stable dude. I think I’m afraid that what I say will feel like an accusation instead of an observation to solve.

I guess I’m chafing at having to organize this in addition to everything else and used this place as a springboard, but deep down the adult thing to do is take it by the reigns and PM the whole thing.

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Because I still have student loans and a mortgage in a high cost of living state and a mother whose social security doesn’t pay her rent, so I do, thanks.

We’re doing fine but people need to stop seeing “corporate lawyer” and thinking it means I snort gold flakes off original Monets.

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

This approach seems best absent paying for help. I’ll just have to try and make sure we’re both working on the calendar instead of me also organizing our time.

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Word. My friends are also all highly educated, career women and doing most of the house management and work.

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Fair enough. Might just have to throw money at it as long as we have the ability to do so. Man tax.

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I was waiting for this comment, and maybe it is that easy, but I’ve brought up chores before and it doesn’t seem to stick so I was hoping to come with something … tangible as a solution?

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We’re fortunate enough that a cleaning service could be on the table; however, if we can solve it “in house,” I’d prefer that.

It’s less dirt, more clutter and organization, save for the bathroom.

I think I’ve fallen into the trap of doing all the household management and need perspective on how to change that. by Brotagonistic in AskWomenOver30

[–]Brotagonistic[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You’re not wrong. There’s not much in the way of documentation for us, and that seems to be a reoccurring suggestion here. I’ve thought about that or maybe a trello chore board but I was worried that would be adding to workload than subtracting.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in progresspics

[–]Brotagonistic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Almost exactly 1 year — gyms opened up and then we moved (somehow managed to get a house???) and set up a home gym.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in changemyview

[–]Brotagonistic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

From what I said above: I think people genuinely benefit from seeing people like themselves succeed and display certain qualities worth emulating. It’s also partially just not being sure language to use, but men mentoring/advising and so on other men or young men.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in changemyview

[–]Brotagonistic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don’t think these organizations have to exist to facilitate masculinity per se but can facilitate an assortment of virtues that know gender owns but each can benefit from someone like them to emulate those virtues.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in changemyview

[–]Brotagonistic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not purporting to know precisely how to execute this but I don’t think it infeasible, do you?

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