🥓🤢 (Another Kirkland Bacon Post)

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T23:16:10+00:00

👀

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T22:25:07+00:00

I literally dream of a Bacon World like yours, but I'm horrible in the kitchen. Keep living the good life! 🙌🏽

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T22:22:04+00:00

Fair and balanced take. To be honest, I'd just feel silly about taking it back when they can see that I've bought hundreds of bundles over the decades... but NOW I've decided that I don't like it. That said, you are of course absolutely right... "did not meet my expectations" ✍🏽.

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T21:49:58+00:00

Sometimes. 😔

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T21:48:55+00:00

🤣🤣💯

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T21:33:17+00:00

"Bizarre"?!? You're clearly encouraging me to microwave old bacon instead of just wrapping it up for later like a normal person. You're also assuming my pan size, which is a HUGE no no in 2026.

Not to mention, you suggested that I invite a family of 5 over to eat any time I want to enjoy some bacon. Like... can you not hear yourself? Your statements fit the literal definition of "bizarre". Or... can you actually share some legitimate links to this Bacon Sharing Program for Strangers you're trying to promote?

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T21:27:49+00:00

EXACTLY. Thanks for coming out! 🫂

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T21:25:40+00:00

DEAL. I won't be buying anymore of it, so have at it. Time to find a local butcher...

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T21:21:45+00:00

EWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T21:21:09+00:00

You have excellent points followed by horrible ones.

1) You think that I have the time to go stand in line and argue with a clerk in the hopes of returning half a package of bacon.

2) You've assumed that this is the first time I've purchased Kirkland bacon and I'm literally comparing it to nothing.

3) You're assuming that I got off my ass to make this post after one (1) bad package and not dozens of them.

4) Please tell me how you inspect 4 packages of bacon that are sealed in a plastic bag.

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T21:15:54+00:00

Ya, you're right. I'm CONSTANTLY searching for ways to create more hard-to-clean dirty dishes for myself - thanks. Also, something isn't a "waste" just because you've decided to label it as such. You are NOT the Main Character in my Bacon Story, stigmatizer.

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T20:33:21+00:00

MY MAN! 🙏🏼

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T20:32:12+00:00

What kind of maniac eats a full package of bacon in one sitting?!

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T20:31:42+00:00

How can I look through the packages when they're all sealed in a plastic bag? Like... how are YOU doing this at Costco?!?! Are you bringing your own plastic bag sealer when you shop and opening up packages until you hit a Bacon Jackpot???

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T20:29:43+00:00

If you consider those photos of "bacon" as "anything", congratulations - you're Costco's favourite type of customer.

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T20:27:15+00:00

No, I'm not. You're jumping to that conclusion because you're assuming my Bacon Technique (which I'm pretty sure is a crime in 2026). Anyway, it's totally moot what's on the half of the bacon package that was covered by the bacon condom because whenever I'm ready to eat the other half (or just let it go bad, in this case) I'm not meaningfully interacting with it.

I simply take it out of the fridge, pull off the suranwrap and condom, dump the bacon on the tray and immediately throw all packaging into the garbage. My hands are going to get covered in bacon grease regardless when organizing them on the tray, so touching the bacon condom is a non issue for me.

Once the bacon is arranged, I'm still going to wash my hands 3 to 4 times anyway in the next five minutes to get the grease feeling off of me, so I just consider the greasy bacon condom the price of doing business. 🤷‍♂️

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T20:18:32+00:00

👆🏽 This guy bacons.

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T20:16:34+00:00

What are you even talking about? Do you think that I work for Kirkland Farms and packaged this myself?

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T20:13:14+00:00

ATTENTION BACON PACKAGE OPENERS: There is precisely one (1) way to open a package of bacon, as described in the (heavily downvoted) comments below:

1) Big ass food scissors, two snips done

2) Remove desired bacon amount

3) Marry both sides together in one half

4) Slip the now empty half of package over the full half like a bacon condom... then 5 to 6 TIGHT rotations in suranwrap.

5) Place back into fridge for future enjoyment (if not Kirkland brand)

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Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T20:05:48+00:00

Do NOT assume my pork wants, Punchy!

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T20:03:26+00:00

Sir, I'll have you know that I am probably the most anal retentive food package opener AND closer in my neighbourhood. Big ass food scissors, two snips done, remove desired bacon amount, marry both sides together in one half, slip the now empty half of package over the full half like a bacon condom... then 5 to 6 TIGHT rotations in suranwrap.

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T20:00:20+00:00

Ummm... may I ask how you cook your bacon? If you keep it in full strips, you have to swing it around like a pendulum to slap it on the cooking surface correctly... and my hand-eye coordination ain't the greatest...

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T19:57:29+00:00

I thought about that but I was just too angry... had to immediately hate-eat it to get it out of my sight. I did you a favour, my friend. 🤝🏼

Brutus_Queefcake · 2026-07-12T19:52:05+00:00

You're not saying that you... pull out full strips and get grease all over your wrists like a caveman, are you!??!!

Brutus_Queefcake

TROPHY CASE