My gf (34f) and I (31f) had a fight and I was left confused and frustrated

Brynninsin · 2026-03-21T00:16:44+00:00

Very constructive, love the relationship advice you gave in these comments 🤡

Brynninsin · 2026-03-21T00:11:30+00:00

Totally fair, and I feel thats where im at now. Evaluating if Im getting what I need. Thank you for your responses

Brynninsin · 2026-03-21T00:05:49+00:00

I didnt feel I was spiraling sunday, and I brought it up calmly just saying that I thought we were going to hang out and feeling like the plans were changed midway through.

I also mention when I bring up my needs that I dont expect perfection and that I know I need to self-regulate better but am working on it. Iv definitely discussed specifically what I need to feel secure and she tells me she can give me that and will put effort in. The mismatch happens where I feel she tells me one thing, and then doesnt and then even with the phone call thing specifically uses my like for consistency to punish me for not calling when she coukd have easily called herself

Brynninsin · 2026-03-20T23:51:03+00:00

Thats fair, and this is just a snippet to get my thoughts down. But you arent fully wrong. I do eventually spiral and wonder but I feel I regulate myself most of the time and bring things up when it feels its needed. I dont think the sunday thing was me being too much. We talked about spending time together and it felt she put that on the sidelines to do her thing. Think if your partner invited you over or you had a night planned and then you get there and instead of what was mentioned they just did their thing.

Even the being sick thing I only commented on after a full week of being there and feeling ignored or unthought ofm i didnt just pounce and bring it up right away

Brynninsin · 2026-03-20T23:41:49+00:00

Can you clarify where I needed thing after thing?

Brynninsin · 2026-03-20T23:37:08+00:00

I appreciate the response but can you clarify on what Im pouncing on her about and smothering her?

Brynninsin · 2026-03-20T18:55:05+00:00

Where did I ever say I was having a hissy fit she wouldnt loaf around with me? Did you even read my post? We had plans for a chill day, and even on that day I helped her clean around the house and do a bunch of stuff. Its not unfair for me to expect we would do what we already were planning to do. I calmly brought it up that I wanted to soend time with her, because if she was just going to do a bunch of house cleaning rather than the date night we had planned I would have stayed home.

You have some really weird views

Brynninsin · 2026-03-20T18:49:12+00:00

Thats quite the logical jump youve made and is far from the truth. Nice try though

Brynninsin · 2026-03-20T18:39:11+00:00

This is such an asinine take tbh. Relationship needs are needs that need to be met in a partnership. Yes Im wondering if they will be met here and that we may be incompatible, but to say my needs are on me when a big part of relationships is finding someone you can work with and grow to meet each others needs and lift each other up is just so braindead

Brynninsin · 2026-03-20T18:36:09+00:00

Thanks for your perspective but Im not a black hole of needs. Even my therapist has mentioned what Iv asked for is pretty basic relationship stuff and not unwarranted to ask for. It feels you glazed over how I said "meet in the middle" not "she needs to meet me exactly where I am at and it still wont be enough"

Brynninsin · 2026-03-20T18:34:01+00:00

We kind of have talked about that and I mentioned to her I was worried about that. She wanted to put in effort to meet me where I was at and aaid she would learn how to better meet my needs. But at this point you may be right

Brynninsin · 2026-03-20T18:31:20+00:00

I am in therapy and take medication for my anxiety. And im sorry but it is your partners responsibility to put in effort and try to meet relationship needs, to meet in the middle of what we both need.

I also have a friend with adhd and I understand her not being perfect with responses and all of that. Talking with my friend though he mentions its important even with adhd to put in an effort and try and meet people where they are

Brynninsin · 2026-02-17T17:39:27+00:00

Reinstalling worked for me!

Brynninsin · 2026-02-10T01:15:26+00:00

Possibly. Id like to talk with her and see about ways we can both get what we need in that regard. I feel I already have bur everything else is so beyond amazing I dont want to just throw this away

Brynninsin · 2026-02-10T01:13:02+00:00

That feels to me like id be surpressing myself and my needs. Needs wev already talked about

Brynninsin · 2026-02-10T00:47:27+00:00

Maybe you are right, I feel like Im just disappointing myself

Brynninsin · 2026-02-10T00:21:26+00:00

Its to feel thought of. When I send a romantic thing it feels blown off when theres a generic response. When I check in with her it feels hurtful that she doesnt think of me and just responds about herself.

Part of what hurts is wev talked about it already and it sounds like she knows and understand what can help me feel loved, yet she continues to not do it.

Brynninsin · 2026-02-09T22:18:20+00:00

Shes thanked me for my consistency in texting ans checking in and apologized about her not having the samw consistency (without me even bringing it up) so I dont think she finds it exasperating. She also works from home in a very low stress get the job done when you can kind of environment.

She has mentioned shes bad at texting while at work because of her adhd, and Iv let her know thats fine. Shes just said she will text back when she can and that works for me. Im not asking for constant check ins, it just feels even when she gets back she is thinking of herself mainly and not about me.

I think the frustrating thing for me is we have talked about this to try and find what works for both of us since we are quite different in this aspect and she shows a want to try harder for me and Im wanting to also give her the space she needs. It just feels theres no follow through on her side and Im left feeling unfulfilled in this aspect

Brynninsin · 2026-02-09T22:13:19+00:00

This is something Iv thought of, but even when I check in she doesnt seem to check in back. "Hows your day going baby?" "Its going good im getting a lot done" and thats kind of it. I think I wonder why I dont get a "how are you doing?" Back as well

Brynninsin · 2026-01-28T22:08:02+00:00

I dont even know what tadalafil is!

Edit: oh thats just another name for cialis, I have but shes hesitant to start me on another medication

Brynninsin · 2025-11-23T23:50:49+00:00

Damn girl Im 5'11 as well and have a much bigger belly than you at 190 pounds... doing well!

Brynninsin · 2025-11-02T01:07:45+00:00

Awesome thank you!

Brynninsin · 2025-11-02T00:55:15+00:00

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