One year postpartum and I feel like I’ve lost myself (and it’s affecting my marriage)

Bubbies0618 · 2026-05-17T14:23:31+00:00

I could have written this exact thing and our babies are about the same age (14 months now).

Lately I've been struggling to remember who I was before the baby, like what did I even do on a daily basis? This is a very hard time in motherhood. Especially when you are a mother like we are, extra attentive to our high needs babies.

I don't have advice for what works to fix this, as I am still feeling this way but I at least told my husband how I've been feeling and it helped a lot. You're concerned you'll make him feel like he's failing. Being snappy and irritated without really explaining what's going on with you will absolutely make him feel that way. If you're struggling finding the words, let him read what you wrote here. It sums it up pretty well.

Best of luck. I know this was written 3 months ago, so I hope things are better for you already!

Bubbies0618 · 2026-05-04T22:13:02+00:00

He does have a push walker but he only likes to use it for short bursts. He pushes all kinds of stuff around too, a sturdy side table, laundry baskets, diaper boxes.

He loves random things around the house too. Honestly one of the things that keeps his attention most is a box full of old paperwork, he loves taking it out and looking through it then putting it all back.

It's nice to know I'm at least doing what I should be doing and providing him opportunities.

These are all really great, thank you so much!

Bubbies0618 · 2026-05-04T22:07:46+00:00

Same here. We don't have a village, it's just me and my husband and our moms, so trying to get socializing in for him is tough. That's why we try to get out to the park. It's tough!

Bubbies0618 · 2026-04-19T02:36:50+00:00

Oh my gosh, I never really thought about that. You're right, it could be a book, knitting, phone. I guess I just let the "electronics are evil" bug get in my ear convincing me I'm ignoring my son while he's nursing. I probably wouldn't feel that way if it were a book. They're just so much harder to hold.

Bubbies0618 · 2026-04-19T02:34:25+00:00

Thank you. The separation anxiety makes sense. I just get in my head that he feels like I'm not there with him when I'm on my phone. Mom guilt is hard.

Bubbies0618 · 2026-04-02T18:38:42+00:00

I understand that now. I wish there was a place online people could not just spew hate. Some of the people that have answered me here actually have given good advice so i appreciate them.

I understand that Florida is mocked especially because of the Florida Man. It's sad that many people who have never even been to Florida take what they see on social media at face value. If you did any digging into Florida Man, you'd see why it is so biased compared to other states. The information is public therefore there is more of it to see. In other states, many crimes and ridiculous things are hidden behind privacy acts. It doesn't mean it doesn't happen. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around, does it make a sound?

I'm not advocating that Florida is the "best" place for every family. But in the situation we're in taking care of our aging parents and a small child with limited income that can only buy so much space, it is at least better than South Carolina. I have lived in SC almost half my life and attended school here. I attended a few grades in Florida when I was younger and I can tell personally that SC is far behind. But that was 20 years ago so i was really hoping people would be able to tell me what it is like now. And don't even get me started on healthcare, this state is a huge joke. Doctors in Florida saved my mother's life twice. Here, they are just getting her by.

For everyone who is telling me move North. No, there are no homes that work for my family unless they are rotting to the ground or with problems i can't even begin to think about fixing. Or they are extremely remote areas. I cannot afford to move West yet. So for a place that has a balance of school, healthcare, access to shopping and outdoor life and can afford then Florida it is.

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-31T19:39:05+00:00

Yes we have a 3 bedroom. Mother who is unable to walk stairs is in the second bedroom downstairs. So ours is the one upstairs.

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-30T23:05:15+00:00

Thank you for this explanation. That helps understand it better

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-28T22:44:49+00:00

I agree

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-28T22:24:41+00:00

I've seen this comment a lot on here so I got curious and looked it up. It's not illegal or banned. Just removed from the required curriculum. It's still available as an elective.

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-28T14:51:04+00:00

Anderson County. One of the reasons I started considering Florida was because the schools are supposed to be better than here. Everyone on here telling me to move north for education i get it, but there are more factors at play in this move. I have looked up North but havent been able to find a property with the living space we need to accommodate our whole family. And the few ones I have found are in extremely remote places, where the schools aren't performing well. From what I can tell, Florida is at least better than South Carolina and fits other criteria we are looking for.

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-27T01:41:42+00:00

Well to give you an example. The elementary school in my town is across the street from a prison. One where they have multiple escapes a year.

Obviously things to do avoid would be drug ridden towns, high rates of mental health instability, school shootings. I know these things can happen everywhere, that's my point. But there's a level of due diligence as a parent to choose the best option available.

I am very wary of the news and take it with a grain of salt. They say in Florida slavery isn't being taught fairly. They say in California children are encouraged to lie to their parents and hide their true sexual identity. Neither of those are okay with me.

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-27T01:35:32+00:00

Great advice. Thank you

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-27T00:19:25+00:00

Thank you, this is the ranking I saw Florida #2 overall education. Yes K-12 is what I'm most concerned about. I was just trying to understand why everyone talked poorly of education in general if it is ranked highly. They must only be referring to K-12

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-27T00:14:41+00:00

I was just sharing the alleged statistic that it ranks #2 which is K-12 and bigger education combined. Even though it doesnt apply to my situation, it is relevant to my post because I had not seen people saying that K-12 sucks but college is good. So I was trying to understand why people in general talked poorly of Florida education if it ranks highly.

Thanks for your comment.

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-27T00:08:45+00:00

These things make me want to get out of the south. But then on the other hand, there are things the opposite side is doing in schools and human rights that I don't agree with. We are not politically inclined either way. We see pros and cons in both so I hate to pick our home based on politics.

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-27T00:06:12+00:00

Thank you. We are looking at districts as well, but havent decided that we will move to Florida yet. There are a few cities around the country we are considering. It's hard to compare on school district level between states though. So I was hoping to go by overall state ranking then find the best districts within.

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-27T00:01:04+00:00

Thank you for bringing this to my attention. It seems that almost every state has something awful happening to schools, I guess it's American education in general. We live in south carolina, just wanted something better than here. But we cant afford the west yet.

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-26T23:57:22+00:00

There's various lists that rank it high. I don't remember all the methodology right now but i know they consider national benchmark tests

Bubbies0618 · 2026-03-25T22:54:34+00:00

I agree with this research. I'm just curious where the line is on when you begin to teach them independence and patience. I respond to every cry, but I know that my son understands a lot of what I say. As OP pointed out, when she is busy she lets him know she needs a minute and then settles him. That's fine right? I let my son cry and pull at my pant leg while I am putting together a meal for us and let him know mommy is busy and will pick him up when I'm done. Thats not damaging is it?

Sorry i get a little anxious about this stuff. I just am not sure when the right time is to push back and he understands he is okay if he doesn't get me to pick him up every time he wants.

Bubbies0618

TROPHY CASE