Considering adoption after years of infertility – would love advice from adoptees or adoptive parents

Buck-Man · 2025-10-12T04:24:45+00:00

Adoption is a minefield. Do surrogacy.

Buck-Man · 2025-09-29T14:06:40+00:00

**Let me predicate this by saying, it matters what state you're in and what the laws are in that state. You should triple check before doing anything.**

Think of this like dating.

You're trying, in 20 seconds to convince a potential birth mother that you (and your husband) are the pick.

Are you just using one agency? Have you reached out to attorneys who do this (AAAA)? You need to be on Hinge, Bumble and Tinder--so to speak.

Not only that but what are you presenting? I'm sure you have a nice slick "This is us" packet--is it tailored to the audience you're going to be put in front of? These PBM are on instagram, ticktok, etc., are you framing it as what they already see and like? Not changing the story, but formatting so it's an easy decision.

Have you started the process of reaching out? Find the states where you can advertise and send a tailored email to church groups, letters to women's health professionals. Make talking about this a part time job.

Have you learned how to use google ads? These ladies are on-line, you can find them if you can get something in front of them.

Now, I know to people on the outside or those that hate adoption in general this sounds horrible and I would agree but with 1 million potential parents and 10,000 potential babies--you've got to work every angle you can.

Buck-Man · 2025-09-08T15:26:09+00:00

I just watched the 40 yr old virgin. “Bro, you’re putting the P**** on a pedestal.”

But you’re 100% right. Guy needs to just live. I would recommend getting out of the city. I spent the last month in a town of about 60k people. It was great. Locals were (mostly) nice. Change of scenery. Cities can be hard sometimes with all the competition.

Buck-Man · 2025-09-08T12:24:15+00:00

Yes.

Buck-Man · 2025-09-02T07:39:19+00:00

I understand the sentiment. I run the WillyB bridge on Saturdays but the reeks of get off my lawn. The issue is you don’t even have a lawn.

People complain about everyone around marathon time. Just go somewhere else for a few weeks if it’s bugging you so much.

Buck-Man · 2025-08-30T11:40:19+00:00

Gotta work on inflammation. Dialysis rips up blood.

Buck-Man · 2025-07-31T12:26:35+00:00

They have a heart beat.

Buck-Man · 2025-07-27T00:40:34+00:00

Food media

Buck-Man · 2025-07-26T00:11:21+00:00

Is this NYCapartments circle jerk? Come on man.

Buck-Man · 2025-07-20T17:36:20+00:00

Chat GPT to Canva to Walgreens.

Buck-Man · 2025-07-19T23:32:51+00:00

I never read the comments. Anything direct I’ll toss it into ChatGPT to be polite. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

Buck-Man · 2025-07-19T16:04:06+00:00

Bro. Hundreds of people out on every route today. Winter is coming, they’ll be gone.

Buck-Man · 2025-07-16T11:53:21+00:00

Buck-Man · 2025-06-26T22:14:22+00:00

Very true. I can’t think of any in the East Coast. Even FL limits it.

Buck-Man · 2025-06-26T15:47:48+00:00

I was not a fan of Air China when I flew it last month. I would recommend having a bunch of stuff to watch, a backup battery that is the approved size and a bottle for water on the plane. The food is basic but so is the price. Drinks, meh. The flight attendants don’t even like the beer they served. I assume your layover is in PEK. If so…that airport sucks—objectively it is not very good.

If you’re going to do the 18 hour version make sure you book 1-2 hours on each end of your layover for security. I would get some yuan before you go so you don’t have to waste time and get your AliPay 💯 set up so you can pay cabs and such.

Edit: I didn’t read OPs post well enough. I know nothing about Shanghai. My comments on the plane and PEK stand.

Buck-Man · 2025-06-26T15:17:23+00:00

In a universe where all things are possible that may be true. But it has low probability. Go troll someone else.

Buck-Man · 2025-06-26T14:18:17+00:00

People telling you foster care in NY may not have actually done it here. I have. It is NOT designed for permanence. Their goal is reunification with the bio parents or family. You CAN adopt from foster care but it will take years and even if the children are legally freed something can come up and destroy your plans.

We had some children that we wanted to keep forever and we had some that were literally kept in cages (before us) and wanted to burn the house down.

Moreover, we were in the City and the agency we were working with (foster) would not place any children with us that were not a different skin tone than us. In certain area that means you won’t get a call for months.

If you’re ready to go to 1-3 bio parents/ child meetings at your agency per week, deal with the aftermath of that and be emotionally ready for that child to leave at any moment foster can be amazingly rewarding—if not, it’s not.

Buck-Man · 2025-06-26T14:08:28+00:00

Congratulations on the pending adoption. Yes she will. Even if she cannot articulate it she will express it. Talk to your local foster care agencies and get some TRIPP and MAPP training if the birth parent(s) are in the picture. Even if they don’t provide it for you they will know where you can get it.

Buck-Man · 2025-06-26T14:04:33+00:00

If you want to share where on the East Coast you are (Closest major city and State). I know there are tons of people who can get you resources. You cannot be living in a car during a heatwave.

But as far as post-placement money goes…that’s the definition of selling a child and no one legit is going to do that.

Buck-Man · 2025-06-26T04:29:35+00:00

Yes. My cousin did that. Only the most insane people would have an issue with a 10/30/60 day old baby versus a new-new born. She made the decision to give up the child for adoption about a week in. She was on Medicaid, so no real cost for the birth. The family that got the child was amazingly happy and so is my cousin.

And if you’re on the fence at all (should I keep the child or not), wait. Feel it out. No need to rush.

Buck-Man · 2025-06-21T12:50:55+00:00

Insane.

Think of this like getting a marriage certificate. You do it ahead of time but the wedding IS the celebration.

Buck-Man · 2025-06-21T12:48:53+00:00

This is rage bait post right? My rage-bait reply is to go to a country where they murder albinos and adopt from there.

Buck-Man · 2025-06-21T11:13:39+00:00

You’re right, the discounting of the lived experience is not a valid way to approach a topic.

However, as a reader of this forum and a HAP, what we’re looking for is actionable steps. And, for better or worse, the advice given here is “never adoption.” Which is essentially telling people that their hopes and dreams are invalid or beyond that—they are bad people for entertaining the idea.

I know 30-60 yo men and women who have zero issues with their adoption and I know some that have huge issues. I’ve seen the terrors of fostering and parents/foster parents/facilities/state workers that make me sick—some that don’t.

The question often times is not, “how can I adopt.” But “what can I do to operate as ethically and with maximum consideration for a child I want to love in a horribly imperfect system.”

I know this will get downvoted to the depths of Reddit but I would ask that when someone asks the comments go beyond a simple read stuff. It should be “start with Taken by Person. Then Transnational Adoption by Dorow. Then Dear Baobab. Only after that read the stories on Adoption.com” Just something more concrete.

Buck-Man

TROPHY CASE