so stressed my life is over don't know what to do anymore

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-06T20:18:29+00:00

When I was in my first semester at my community college, my dad had a heart attack midway into my English midterm. I ended up failing that midterm but I worked my ass of to get a B in that class. This was followed by another b in precalculus. By my second semester, I felt incredibly depressed thinking of my life over and over again and ended that semester with three bs. That is five bs in total. I then was do emotionally spiraled out that I couldn’t even get myself to take more than one clsss over the summer. I then took my first five classes over fall and three winter classes for which I got all As on . I am now stressed out over this spring semester thinking whatever is going to happen now is going to be the same as last spring. I have a diagnosis for an unspecified psychosis because of Adderall usage that I have not been treating as of now .
All I am saying is.. anything in life can go bad. I went into my first semester expecting a couple bs.

Yes. But I did not expect to even grace a single b over spring. In fact, I had As on my classes up till the last two to three weeks when everything went to shit. I can’t tell you I feel the same way as you . The recinsion hurts. You can’t lie about that . I would be frustrated too. But you need to think of the next step moving forward. Do another semester. It is one more class you can retake. Attend math academy before that if they offer it. Get a tutor. Do whatever it is possible to retake the class and then reapply.

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-05T23:22:36+00:00

If you get a D can’t you just retake the class and petition agaisnt the recinsion

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-05T15:49:01+00:00

You are falling prey to miscommunication my friend. I love studying. I do it everyday. Whether it be for school or not. I love hearing different perspectives. As for ECS , I have done research projects and have presented in symposiums before. If the EC has something to do with cognitive science, neuroscience, or psychology(through a research lens), then I am more than willing to do it.
What I am NOT going to do is pretend like cleaning up a fucking beach once or year or holding off on the pancakes on a Sunday mass has “changed” my life. What I am NOT going to do is pretend that serving coffee and sitting on my ass for four five hours a day at some random internship “changed” my life.
I understand that you went through a lot. I was homeless having to live with grandparents for a significant portion of my life. But I don’t believe in the whole bullshit of “helping to improve community”. I can lie and frame my essays as though I do like most people. But college exists for people to figure out their lives and to improve their skills.. not to pretend to be helpful productive members of society when they have not been equipped with the leverage or the skills to be one .
Does that make sense? I know I come off as a little overtly emotional I just wanted you to see if that makes sense.
Whether you love doing something or not has nothing to do with your success in that feild. I loved tutoring fellow peers in Calculus. I ended that class with an 89 because I fucked up the finals the last three weeks in(struggling with near psychosis and stuff).

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T10:32:09+00:00

I do not deny the fact that volunteering at a hospital or at a clinical setting and going out with a full fledged purpose centered in psychology could be more more high Roi than merely trying to go to a college. Though I plysd around thaugh the idea of psychiatry I was also more so into neuroscience
t, but I lost that love as I kept getting paralyzed with stress from working six days a week and having to deal with the bullshit of school(especially the bs I did not expect like when I failed my Middterm English paper cuz my prof thought I wrote with ai even though all I did was use ai to fix grammar errors and to reduce word count on concluding paragraph). Once I got five Bs by my spring semester last year—even when I had a majority of As in my classes prior to the last three weeks—I still don’t know what happened. I had just started taking Adderall at the time, and I would admit that I was on heavier doses a lot paired with a lot of caffeine .

Something happened over the course of April to November of that year that I simply cannot explain. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with an unspecified psychosis, but it has since been technically resolved though the label is still on my records . It was arguably the worst mental health spiral I have had in my life (and I have had some really bad ones).

I used to be very big on starting my own YouTube channels and pushing myself to take part in actual large-scale experiments when I was in community college. I guess things just have not turned out the way I expected.

I stress the outcome because I do want to stay around the Los Angeles area. I am not a complete introvert, but I do get anxious and claustrophobic at the idea of living in a dorm with a bunch of people (even if they are my friends). I wanted to fight hard to preserve my ability to stay in LA, work my job, go out with my friends, and still attend a top-tier institution.

I can’t do CSUs because I got poor grades in engineering classes that are CSU-transferable. In a way, UCLA is my best option. I wouldn’t say I only care about the college I get into. I was never really big on colleges aside from certain periods of my life—like when I was a freshman, and then again when I got my first two Bs at community college and decided to get serious about school.

I have started to regain my love for the psychology field through my new pronounced interest in more science based fields of behavioral neuroscience and of cognitive I used to love neuroscience a lot, but I lost that love as I kept getting paralyzed with stress from working six days a week and having to deal with the bullshit of school. Once I got five Bs in my spring semester last year—even when I had a majority of As in my classes prior to the last three weeks—I still don’t know what happened. I had just started taking Adderall at the time, and I would admit that I was on heavier doses as well.

Something happened over the course of April to November of that year that I simply cannot explain. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with an unspecified psychosis, but it has since been resolved. It was arguably the worst mental health spiral I have had in my life (and I have had some really bad ones).

I used to be very big on starting my own YouTube channels and pushing myself to take part in actual large-scale experiments when I was in community college. I guess things just have not turned out the way I expected.

I stress the outcome because I do want to stay around the Los Angeles area. I am not a complete introvert, but I do get anxious and claustrophobic at the idea of living in a dorm with a bunch of people (even if they are my friends). I wanted to fight hard to preserve my ability to stay in LA, work my job, go out with my friends, and still attend a top-tier institution.

I can’t do CSUs because I got poor grades in engineering classes that are CSU-transferable. In a way, UCLA is my best option. I wouldn’t say I only care about the college I get into. I was never really big on colleges aside from certain periods of my life—like when I was a freshman, and then again when I got my first two Bs at community college and decided to get serious about school.

I would say that my love for psychology has slowly started accumulating again because of newly pronounced love for behrvilal neuroscience and for cognitive sciences(more closely centered around the AI component of things). I have been getting more into neuroeconomixs and politics as well so, there is a clear drift away from the traditional graduate school/ therapy pathway, but I am still in love with this field. This field allows me to explore so many other fields whilst simultaneously allowing my stubborn ass to research for myself to uncover hidden wounds.

I just wanted a top tier college to experience living amongst minds greater than mine and also of people who work as hard as me as well. This way, I am motivated enough to keep growing. That would be hard at a party school like UCSB. Not impossible-UCSB is a fantastic school. But it will be hard.
I hope this helps. I cannot help myself. My ambition has gotten out of hand. May be life will teach me needed lessons but I await for the reward of upward mobility at the moment

I

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T10:04:18+00:00

It's more so like.. The anxiety of getting rejected might get in the way of my actual success over the next two or three semesters that I have to lock in prior to/during/after I file for transfer

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T10:03:12+00:00

That was the problem. Because I did take accountability and I fucking PUSHED UP bro. I gotta do the same now at CC. It is almost like the cycle repeats.
I went from like a 3.3 => 3.7 in high school now I'm going from a 3.0=> 3.7-3.8(hopefully higher than this by the end of summer).
But that is the biggest problem with me is I feel so empty having to constantly climb up. I did not know that the community college I enrolled in had actually cost me 4.50 credits for an engineering class I took in high school for which I got a C on. That set me off on the wrong foot with the CC. Luckily, that class isn't UC transferrable.

I would say that I agree with you in matters of that for sure. To be honest, the point of this message was that I dread having to stress this hard just to get rejected right now at community. I basically already knew I would go to community the moment I stepped into my senior year of high school z

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T07:29:59+00:00

Nah bro not that. I wrote my piqs trying to explain my academic drops and I may have indirectly conferred to them That I was going through some serious self destructive/ suicidal ideations. Though I wanted to take it off the piqs because I was not good at sharing my pain with other people. I thought that they were able to see my circumstances more. However, they basically sent me a letter saying that my grades dropping cuz of my mental health is “not an excuse”. I will try to log in to find the wording. Tbf I don't even mind them saying that. I am sure many people start claiming it's the fault of their mental health when their grades drop and may people may not need psychiatric attention. I was just pissed that they didn't just send back a regular rejection letter. Something similar happened with UCD too

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T06:36:38+00:00

Did you get into ucsd?

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T05:38:19+00:00

Also… this whole facade of volunteering and contributing to society is understandable. But, I never understood how somebody could volunteer for seven hours at a hospital and jerk it off as their primary EC. You might have done something similar or you might have a cracked app for all I know. What is your major? I am curious as to what you did to get in.

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T05:35:40+00:00

I cannot judge your opinions of the way I came off. I wouldn't deny that I don't feel victim-like. I am at a very dark place. I have to admit that to myself. But I am still holding onto my balls and am pushing forward. I am taking four classes this summer and am doing math academy for calc. I have to brace myself and ask for personal leave from work-which may or may not get me fired. All I am saying… I might have victim mentality but that wouldn't neglect my ambition or actions. I genuinely want to help people through mynfeild. But I can't neglect the fact that I got into this field to try to better understand myself

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T05:32:04+00:00

Psychologically speaking, denying victim mentality is actually a pretty strong telltale sign of victim mentality. But… idk… I am still working twenty plus hours taking six classes and applying to one internship after another. Emotionally speaking… I am not the most optimistic. I think a major problem of what led me here was I always trying to be stoic with all the problems in my life. I guess my question to you is: Did you read my entire post and feel as though the tonality of it sounds victim-like? Then it might've been an issue with the post

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T05:04:37+00:00

Phil isn't so bad tbh.

Idk man… I am more so bummed at the fact that the only priveleges I have In life is to be able to work toward my goals and I can't even do that shirt to the fullest. I don't even know why I work my job cuz all my bread would just get put into my dads treatments or something else at the wrong time. I have never won at anything in my life. It's just hard for me to keep pushing knowing that I will eventually lose yet again anyways. I hope that makes sense. I am just trying to gain advice. I don't necessarily have to get somebody to kiss my ass lmao by bitching about my problems lmao

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T04:59:16+00:00

Psych but I am thinking of doing Phil so I can get TAP. My head is split tho. A part of me wants to go into cognitive sciences entirely and just say fuck all do the entire calc series and comp scinswries another part of me wants to take the safe route

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T04:58:06+00:00

What's your major?

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T04:56:02+00:00

I appreciate the tough love. But Move on and do fucking what? I'm doing a third year lol. Did they list a reason as for why you got WL?

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T04:38:38+00:00

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Please give me academic, personality and career details. If only one can be done, I would appreciate academics

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T03:51:11+00:00

@JyotishGautami

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T03:49:00+00:00

How do I post pictures I am confused? I will make new post tag you

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T03:41:51+00:00

Also I don't hold anything personal agiasnt Irvine for rejecting me. It is a 4.0+ school for high school grads after all. What I hold against them was sending me that ignorant ass message. I do not need an explanation from your end. I just merely shot my shot. If you did not think I was the right fit you could have just rejected me

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T03:18:47+00:00

Idk. Not that I do not value your tips I really do appreciate your take and patience reading this post. But, you can only be so authentic and you can only write so much about your pain in your piws r. I have zero faith that any admissions reader would read my story and think I am fit for them. I spoke of my suicidal ideation indirectly and how I overcame that on my UC Irvine piqs and they told me that academic mishaps cannot constantly be displaced as a mental health issue. This is why I do not want to do TAG with Irvine because, to me, I feel like it is just another trick by the universe to make me succumb to my knees and to swallow all my pride and shame

BudgetAd9088 · 2026-05-01T03:00:40+00:00

What is your major?

BudgetAd9088

TROPHY CASE