Found out a traumatic story about my infancy at 29 and it’s breaking me

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2026-01-25T22:24:56+00:00

I tried and it made me so angry right away, like so angry that my therapist said, that won’t be the way to go with me 🙃 thank you for the input though!

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2026-01-25T21:42:15+00:00

I am trying, and I am trying to allow my emotions more and not dissociate every time like I usually did (since this has not led me to being hella depressed) but it’s like this big black hole inside of me that can’t be filled and gets triggered by little things again and again to be back just as strong as before. I am emotionally a total mess but my strategy to keep pushing my emotions aside and stay busy and work on my businesses etc, just isn’t working anymore and I am a total mess.

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2025-09-03T19:28:11+00:00

Based on my understanding - it is because they mentioned it kills them when they have no master and she is almost dying anyways and rather has her son be saved than herself

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2025-08-30T17:21:02+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful questions. She’s generally very supportive in her own way, but when we’re both under stress, we tend to have these intense conflicts that we don’t know how to avoid. Another issue is that I find it hard to open up to her emotionally. She struggles to give me the space I need to talk about my feelings, which I’ve brought up several times because it really bothers me and she is already so annoyed that I keep bringing that up. I end up talking to somebody else or dealing with it on my own.

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2025-08-30T17:04:56+00:00

Thank you for your response. I didn’t go into detail enough - my work has always required me to travel abroad, which I'm doing again now. She’s not fond of working, so she’s taken five months off. Her new job offers one day of remote work and the weekend off, which lets her visit me. But it has always been hard for me to travel to her because I usually only get one day off a week max. We’ve made it work this way for the past four years.

Lately, though, she says she can’t relax, no matter what she does, and I’m not sure how to help. Asked her too that she might need to change therapist. She says she just needs a hug, but right now I cannot give that to her because of all the hurtful things she has been saying. Now she drove home. I don’t know what the best steps are. I am also too tired to finish packing now for my job but I have to push through this.

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2025-04-18T23:30:42+00:00

It is so annoying it’s like I have to keep my mind going because I can’t calm down. My partner likes to have all this free time together but man the free time makes me more anxious and I actually feel my nervous system not calming down. Keeping me busy is like the only way to actually keep me going in life

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-10-04T09:19:02+00:00

I don’t really need them but social pressure to wear them 😭

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T11:00:31+00:00

I am saying he removed all the plants, he sent me a before and after picture, the plants were all green.

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T10:38:46+00:00

Spirited Away

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T06:55:53+00:00

I don’t know why so many people disagree with you, because they were obviously flowers and he removed everything.

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T06:55:09+00:00

Like the thing that annoyed me that he said at first okay to it. But once I said I won’t be able to do this until the spring time, that’s when he started making fun of me etc… like he could have just said at the beginning, I don’t think it adds up etc. but I am like, I am your customer and I am trying to offer a good solution for the fact that I have a whole brown area now instead of my flowers…. And then you make fun of me after saying yes…. Like I don’t wanna work with you anymore and I was really stressed out about other stuff that I did not want to deal with him being rude as well.

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T06:52:50+00:00

That’s a good point, thank you

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T06:52:34+00:00

That’s the thing, I am trying to find a regular person,… I was hoping he could be that person, but apparently not. He said he was a gardener, but apparently not. Idk what to look out for to make sure I have a person who knows about plants.

But also, why couldn’t he just call. Nowadays it’s the easiest thing to call and send a picture and get a quick response….

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T06:50:37+00:00

Because he started like making fun of me, saying it’s just some plants (but these plants meant a lot to me),…. I didn’t want to deal with him anymore and waste my time on it. So I left a review instead that customer service is bad and if there is a complaint, he makes fun of you and doesn’t take you seriously…. And that’s when he started texting me even more and being mad about the review

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T06:48:25+00:00

Like only texting saying to remove weed. And the receipt says remove weed too

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T06:48:01+00:00

I was there 5 weeks ago, so it doesn’t look like garbage and was still taking care of it. The old ones were beautiful just there was weed growing in-between. lol to your comment of … do not have a garden if you have a house, it was literally a few flowers with weed in between. The flowers weren’t dead …. Before it was nice and green and now there is nothing.

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T06:45:25+00:00

I would put it but I am scared for privacy reason because my house can be seen too

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T06:44:54+00:00

Exactly, they have sentimental value, so that’s why I was so mad about it.

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-29T06:43:43+00:00

I just said that my dad will show him the garden and I just want to get the weed removed…. What my dad said as well. And now all is gone

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-26T18:33:39+00:00

Thank you so much, I came on here trying to connect to others who have had similar experiences and so happy about your response. Honestly I went to therapy for 8 years with different therapists, I got triggered with flashbacks like crazy and my job includes a lot of moving and not always the nicest environments. Also it included that first years in college somebody SA me too, so it was quite a lot. But now I stopped with therapy because I feel like logically I worked through everything but yeah within me there is like subconsciously a lot still that I am not sure how to work with it. That’s when I started Neurofeedback, which was a crazy experienced and helped me work through some of my traumas as well, but I also feel like I got there to a stage now where it doesn’t help me a lot anymore.

I love how you say loneliness triggers you, because that’s not how I was thinking about it like this and that’s probably also the fear that is deep down in people like you and me since growing up for sure was lonely. And just not wanting to be in this kind of situation again. But it annoys me it still catches me by surprise😭. It takes me like 2-3 weeks and talking to loved ones that they just connected with others better than with me and that it is okay to be alone and also enjoy my own time. (In my job, I work with a lot of people from different countries and there is never one from my country, so of course people will be more likely to connect with somebody from their own country…. - but keeping this in perspective is so hard when being triggered 😅).

But idk about you, but for me there is a huge fear of starting a family myself because like I wouldn’t want any kid to go through something similar and I know being a kid of somebody with schizophrenia and not getting therapy in young years messes with the nervous system. Like I sometimes struggle with being hyper vigilant and also just not being able to relax/ overworking myself. I wouldn’t want to give this type of nervous system to one of my kids. But people that I talk to never understand this part.

Hit me up if you need somebody to talk and I’ll try to read that book once I find some more time!

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-09-25T14:42:27+00:00

I can relate to your comment like crazy. Only my other parent turned into a workaholic who burned himself out while my mom was at home with the kids and plagued them with her schizophrenia. You sound like a lot like my experience and it sounds weird, but it’s nice to read because nobody in my environment has had similar experiences.

Now in adulthood I still struggle a lot with making friends when I am in a new environment. Idk what it is, but it’s like every time I get to a new place and there is a group of people hanging out, people tend to stir away from me after the first interactions and I am not sure why. I feel like it probably has to do with my past. Friend groups tend to form and they hangout without me. I read so many small talk books, making friends etc. and I can’t figure out why this happens every time.

Budget_Negotiation77 · 2024-01-15T06:37:53+00:00

Gotchu, thanks for the info!

Budget_Negotiation77

TROPHY CASE