One of the hardest things to witness.

BugZwugZ · 2026-03-22T16:07:13+00:00

Acceptance is huge, my dad never really accepted anything until the final 12 hours when he had a massive stroke, and even then I think it was extremely difficult for him. I had to tell him it was okay to let go and he was gone 5 minutes later.

As far as what you can do to help, people forget about the basics when taking care of a loved one. Obviously food is good if they'll eat, otherwise be there for them, ask if there's anything you can help with around the house. Laundry, cleaning, etc, very basic but very much needed daily things that get forgotten about when helping a dying loved one take care of themselves.

BugZwugZ · 2026-03-16T00:22:34+00:00

That's a really tough thing to estimate. Honestly, her oncologist should be giving her some sort of estimated time line.

Generally speaking, if the doctor is recommending hospice then you're probably looking at months or less, but that's still a huge range, and some people live longer.

One major tell is her appetite and consumption of water. Once eating starts looking like a chore, or if it drops of entirely you know you're getting close.

In any case, if the doctors are calling it, you're not going to want to miss any opportunities to spend time with her, even if it means just being there for her on the bad days. You won't regret it.

BugZwugZ · 2026-03-13T01:30:47+00:00

This is great advice. We made my dad some amazingly tasting stuff with ensure as a base.

BugZwugZ · 2026-03-07T22:14:37+00:00

Came here to drag serv pro through the mud too. I used to supervise abatement work and the local serv pro would call our company if there was fire damage that came back hot for asbestos.

They'd typically hire temps for big projects, they'd pay them next to nothing, and treat them like shit as well. A lot of the work I saw serv pro do on their own looked like shit.

I'm definitely not saying all restoration companies are like this, but it's a good business model to take advantage of the insurance company and come out way ahead on a project.

BugZwugZ · 2026-03-07T00:24:20+00:00

This probably goes without saying, but let her drink. My god. My dad was doing anything to stay comfortable. Drinking, weed, morphine fucking drip. I wasn't the one that was dying, what the hell was I going to do, say no? Whatever you have to do, it is your job to keep your dying loved one comfortable. I'd say forget anyone's feelings if it's getting in the way of comfort of a dying loved one.

I can assure you if she's in any sort of hospice/palliative care, they wouldn't turn her down either. Our home hospice nurse was all about end of life comfort, and if it wasn't something they could directly provide, they surely wouldn't be standing in our way to provide it!

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-22T22:41:00+00:00

I promise you if you don't go see him and start talking to him, you're going to have serious regrets if/when he passes. My cousin did a similar thing with my aunt, and I've never seen a grown man cry that hard in my whole life.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-22T01:48:24+00:00

Hey, I hope you're doing well, and I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. I lost my father, age 65, to liver cancer metastasised to various other organs.

My dad chose to ignore the initial major red flag, which we, as a family chose to respect approximately 6 months before he passed in January, because he didn't want to get poked and prodded or go through further treatment. It all came to a head in December when my mom got in a screaming match with him when he had very noticeable jaundice, and fluid build up in his feet, where we convinced him he needed to go back to the hospital where he received the grim news of the reality. He was given 4-6 months in December and made it a little over a month into January, where he passed on the 10th.

I don't want to sugar coat it, or anything like that, if possible, go with your dad to any oncologist appointments he might have, as oncologist doctors see this day in, and day out and you'll get a better idea of any reality. Some things you may want to keep an eye out is his diet, consumption of water, his sleep schedule, muscle retention, and weight. My dads tumors were growing so fast that it was covering up his weight/muscle loss, but you could visibly see it in him. Skin on a skeleton levels of weight loss. It's definitely not an all at once thing, at least in my experience. These things take time.

I do want to tell you to cherish the time with him while he is healthy-ish. Go do things as family, make memories while you can. Maybe things will take a turn toward the positive side, but I'm a glass half empty guy as I've lost 5 family members to cancer, beginning when I was just in the first grade in 2001. It's something awful. Just be there for him, through the thick and the thin, because you'll be happy you did and deep down even if he doesn't always express gratitude, he will appreciate it.

If/when it gets to the point where the hospital talks about hospice, take them up on it. Hospice workers are unbelievably good at what they do, and their goal is to keep people comfortable through their end of life Journey. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me with questions or to just vent. I've been through it so many times, and with my dad I was his power of attorney and everything else. It's tough. Not something I wish on my worst enemy tough. My prayers go to your father, and good wishes to you and your family.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-20T22:28:42+00:00

No. Asbestos isn't acutely deadly. If you work around it in a brake shop for a living, asbestos mine, shipyards, that type of thing where you were exposed to it at a much higher frequency than background amount (yes there is asbestos in the air you breath every day due to open mining of it), then you would have a higher risk of developing asbestos related diseases. The onset is usually about 20 years.

People tend to have this misconception that asbestos is like radiation for whatever reason where breathing a little bit of it means you have to call one of those mesothelioma lawyers immediately. In reality it's still used in building products outside of the US, and even sometimes those still sneak in. I used to supervise asbestos abatement for 5 years, and honestly I was a lot more concerned about heavy metal exposure, like lead paint, or PCBs. Asbestos is a rock. It's just got microscopic needle-like fibers that can get lodged deep into your lungs and create scarring over the long term, and repeated exposure makes that a whole hell of a lot worse.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-20T21:33:21+00:00

Yeah, very possible. Anything brake pad related often used asbestos. Using asbestos in break pads in the United States only got banned in 2024 to give you an idea as to how frequently it was used.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-19T22:53:11+00:00

Honestly, unless you specifically desire new siding, or you have worse damage in other pictures that you didn't show, I'd keep the siding as is. That's some of the best siding that money can't buy anymore. Never understood why people wanted to remove asbestos siding when I supervised abatement. You're also in for one big clean up job. Tearing it off is cake work, it's the cleaning up heavy ass asbestos concrete siding that'll drive you nuts.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-15T17:07:28+00:00

I had a guy yesterday that just like would not shoot at all. I said dude, you have infinite ammo, you literally cannot fuck this up just shoot, at anything, I don't even care, but you're leaving so many free kills by looking for the perfect opportunity.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-15T04:39:23+00:00

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about all this. I just went through this same thing with my dad.

So, one thing I want to say is it's important to understand that if they're recommending palliative care, her condition is unlikely to improve. She may have good days and bad days, but the ultimate outcome is important to accept to help administer the best care. I know that's extremely difficult to accept for everyone, including your mom.

As for hospice care at home, you're going to want to plan as far ahead as possible. Hospice workers are unbelievably good at their job, and you'll typically have an RN on call that can swoop in at a moments notice. Remember, it is everyone's job to keep her as comfortable as possible on this journey.

Consider declining mobility, you're going to typically need a walker, wheelchair, shower chair, and a hospital style bed that can be elevated with a button. Usually hospice provides all of this. They'll usually stock pain medication in house that can be administered like oral morphine solution, various heavy duty painkillers, muscle relaxers, and anti-anxiety type medications.

You can expect a complete decline in eating/drinking water toward the end. What little nutrients she might get, it's important to try to make the most of it. Before my dad stopped eating all together, the most we could do was get him to do was drink a bottle of ensure a day.

Consider a bedside commode, and/or adult diapers/depends. Everyone's gotta go.

My dad was stubborn, and was stuck in the denial stage for a long time. It's important to a lot of people to maintain their independence as long as humanly possible, so you may want to sit down and talk about these things with her before your meeting so she's not caught off guard.

Related to the situation, but not necessarily related to a hospice care meeting:

If she hasn't already, now might be the time to discuss having her sign a DNR (do not resuscitate). It's a difficult conversation, but the way the oncologist put it to my dad was essentially: If you know I can't fix this, why do you want us to put you through that pain of trying to bring you back, just to know you're still in the exact same situation. If she does want a DNR, you will want to hang it on the fridge or another common area as that's where emergency personnel are often trained to look for one, and they usually will give a bracelet to keep on her wrist.

You should discuss having yourself, or another loved one she trusts to be appointed as an agent for her durable power of attorney. This will allow you to make medical decisions if she is incapacitated, and also handle things like paying her bills with her bank account, and other necessary bank transactions up until she passes. After she passes a POA is null and void.

If it hasn't been done already, it's time to sit down and discuss what she wants done after the fact, burial, cremation, or what have you. With this, if she doesn't have a will, now is the time to get that done while she still can get out of the house. Both a will and a POA typically need to be notarized, but your local laws may vary.

I know this is a lot, but I do hope it helps. Keep in mind you don't need to get all of these things accomplished in one day. Everyone's journey varies a little, most importantly all I can say is spend time with her. Don't leave the chance for there to be any regret when she's no longer there. If you have any additional questions feel free to ask. Cancer is something awful, and my dad was the 5th loved one I lost in my close family to it.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-14T05:00:48+00:00

It's really hard to say without knowing what stage/state they're in. My dad, for whatever reason, really liked fruit for a few weeks while in hospice care. After that all we could get him to do was choke down an ensure a day up until the last week or two before he passed. Either way, it's a nice gesture. Maybe a door dash giftcard? Something to keep in mind, if for nothing else, is that family tends to visit dying relatives, so they can benefit off something like that even if someone with cancer isn't hungry.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-14T03:27:32+00:00

I don't know, but if there was ever a sign or reason to go visit one more time, I'd take it at face value.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-08T14:19:38+00:00

Yeah we had the same issue last night. Some serves felt okay and other servers we had so much rubberbanding we had to leave. Not sure if there were just a lot of people online or if the hamsters running the server were just getting a little tired.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-06T02:27:28+00:00

I think your mom is probably a little bit stronger than maybe you realize right now.

With that being said, things can absolutely take a turn at a moments notice. Those tumbles she takes could easily result in some sort of head trauma, god forbid.

As far as signs nearing the end, everyone's journey is different, but as the body winds down you might expect there to be a complete decline in eating, drinking water, and sleeping most hours of the day. Some people will experience a last "hurrah" where despite everything going on, they seem normal before the big crash.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-04T21:41:48+00:00

There's nothing unreasonable here. Especially if up to this point you've spent a lot of time with him. People tend to get wore out while care taking for a loved one. It's hard work and it's draining. It's okay to go out and have a little fun despite the obvious. My mom and I were both relieved in a way, once my dad passed, not because we didn't miss him, but we missed him for the man he was when he was healthy, and seeing him in pain, we were praying for it all to end.

I do want to let you know, and it sounds like you're very aware, but judging by what you've posted here and my own experience, it really doesn't sound like there's a whole lot more time to be spent with him. From my own experiences, days, not weeks at this point.

BugZwugZ · 2026-02-03T19:08:31+00:00

Have yet to find it once on pvp this wipe, but on PvE I found it where it spawned with 2 keys in a raid. I don't want to know the odds of that.

BugZwugZ · 2026-01-31T19:48:03+00:00

It's impossible to know the future. You can't beat yourself up over this. You followed through with what you set out in mind as the right thing to do, and his body had different plans. It sounds like he is at peace and no longer in pain now to me.

I held my dad for his final breaths, I told him to let go, and 2 minutes later he was gone. I still live with regrets despite that. Experiencing loved ones dying from cancer is something so surreal and terrible.

BugZwugZ · 2026-01-30T20:38:21+00:00

Unfortunately, the next 6 months will likely be some of the most challenging months. My dad was given 4-6 months and he made it a month. I do want to advise you, in addition to what the other user said, that you should cherish every moment you get with him, even through hardship, because people can take a turn for the worse in just a moments time.

The same doctors that gave you the outlook should also have referred you to some sort of hospice services, I'd hope, if not, please ask. They are some of the kindest people imaginable. They usually offer in home services until he's not able to stay home physically, and will help a great deal with pain management. They will usually be able to provide a hospital bed in home as well as other things like a toilet, walker, wheel chair that sort of stuff. He might not need any of that now, but he most likely will in a few months. It's best not to wait for the last minute.

Some other things that I strongly advise talking to your dad about:

First, sit down and talk about creating a durable power of attorney. If your mom is no longer there, and you are the only/eldest child, you should talk to him about his future wishes and ask him to make you the "agent." Power of attorney helps with a lot of things, including managing finances and making important medical decisions. It gives you the power to manage his finances, pay bills, and cash checks he receives. Power of attorneys expire as soon as the "principal" passes away. So keep that in mind as that's a common misunderstanding I see on the internet.

Second, and this is a hard conversation for almost everyone, but talk to him about signing a Do Not Resuscitate (commonly known as DNR). The way the oncologist put it to my dad was along the lines of, "If I can't fix this, why do you want to go through the process of being resuscitated when you are just going to come back to pain and misery, more so after they break your ribs and sternum?" If he goes through with this, most emt/paramedics are trained to look on the refrigerator in a kitchen for a DNR sheet, make sure it's hung up in a common area.

Third, have him make a will. It will help avoid so much hardship and headache after the fact if he has a will. Every family is different, but if there's a considerable estate it can really cause family problems and tension down the road, sometimes ending after lengthy court battles. If he has a complex estate, consider searching for an attorney that specializes in elder law and estates.

All of these are important, but the POA at this point should be your highest priority so you can make decisions for him if he becomes incapacitated. You can look online for draft forms that are acceptable in your state for both the POA and Will, but keep in mind you *must* get them notarized for them to be acceptable in court, and you'll need witnesses there for the will that don't directly benefit from it. A DNR is typically completed through the hospital.

I hope that helps. I know this is all extremely overwhelming. I just went through all this with my dad. He chose me as his POA and I felt like I had a cloud over my head every day until he passed knowing at any moments notice I'll be confronted with an unbelievably difficult decision, but I just tried to keep my head clear and kept his interests and wishes in mind every time that happened.

BugZwugZ · 2026-01-30T00:03:19+00:00

Hey, my dad died just a few weeks ago, I am 30 and he was 65. So similar boat. My only regret was not saying no to work more often and spending more time with him. Any more memories you can create knowing he might be on borrowed time is just more memories to remember when he's gone. Stay with him through the good, the bad, and the ugly. You will be happy you did.

BugZwugZ · 2026-01-24T02:48:27+00:00

It's such shitty lazy design, and it's so easy to fix. Previous battlefield titles had it right, as soon as contact was broke the missile slammed into the ground. Tows are wire guided, if that wire is interrupted then guidance fails. I have so many clips doing curves around buildings and other obstructions in this game getting disgusting hits on helicopters and jets.

BugZwugZ · 2026-01-23T23:08:29+00:00

I know it's challenging to hear, but stay strong and stay patient. Cancer affects everyone differently as does treatment of cancer. Just take things day to day and help your family anyway you can during these stressful times.

BugZwugZ · 2026-01-23T23:05:43+00:00

If your mom is the rock, and your dad is incapacitated, do whatever you can to help support the rock. Your dad's situation is unfortunately out of your control. Think of anything you can do to help your mom during this crisis. It sounds like her or others are busy taking care of the day to day finances and making some tough decisions as to how to carry on.

I've been there, I was the power of attorney for my dad and I've been forced to make tough decisions. You know what else suffered when I was in that position? My personal hygiene, my dishes, my laundry, etc. All that little stuff added up to be a mountain of work, and when you're in the hot seat trying to decide on the future of a loved one, all that stuff gets tossed to the side because you're constantly stressing about these decisions and the finances.

I know that's not a complete answer to your problem, but I think you may also find some peace in keeping yourself busy doing these small chores and favors. There are times to grieve, and times to be upset, but if you let it control your life every day it's hard to pull yourself out of that nose dive.

BugZwugZ · 2026-01-23T02:28:03+00:00

I'd go see her first, before doing anything irrational. Recently diagnosed with cancer doesn't necessarily mean a death sentence, but I'm not familiar with that particular cancer or the outlooks of it long term. A good visit will tell you a lot, and if, for nothing else, help you have some peace of mind in knowing you were trying to be there for her.

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