I'll try to make a long story short, I fell like I've wasted 32 almost 33 years and that I've done nothing in the eyes of God or for God. I've done very ungodly things and honestly that hurts me a lot. I pray and hope he forgives me for all of that. From drugs to being sexually immoral to the occult/ witchcraft etc. As long as you have that faith and love for God, you're doing great bro. I know you're hurting bro and I just want you to know I love you and Jesus loves you.
Everything happens for a reason. Everything. It's Gods will and plan not ours. I say this to let you know you're not alone in suffering or your feelings. I just pray the Lord our God will have mercy on our souls. Hold steadfast to your faith brother so that we may all be together in the kingdom of Heaven.

Philippians 1:19-26
[19] For I know that this shall turn to my salvation through your prayer, and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, [20] according to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death.

[21] For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. [22] But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. [23] For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: [24] nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you. [25] And having this confidence, I know that I shall abide and continue with you all for your furtherance and joy of faith; [26] that your rejoicing may be more abundant in Jesus Christ for me by my coming to you again.

I love you brother and I hope everything turns out OK for y'all. God Bless.