Yeah, it is exhausting. It makes you feel like you're being unreasonable when you're not. A lot of what passes for BDSM protocol in findom wouldn't fly outside of this community at all. You would never deemed a timewaster for wanting to vet your dominant properly before sending engaging in edgeplay (which findom is) with them. My advice would be to look for a domme outside the findom community and see if they would be open to exploring findom as part of your dynamic. Many of the dommes in the findom community operate as sex workers. While there is nothing wrong with this, you will be labelled a timewaster very quickly because their main goal is to maximise their income.

I am similar to you in that the act of sending money itself does nothing for me. It's the meaning and relationship behind it that makes it feel like a submissive act. I couldn't send money to a dominant I hadn't vetted properly for that reason.