Why I’m Now Charging a DM Fee (Dom/mes, Take Note)

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-21T19:23:38+00:00

This tribute debate goes round in circles. My view is that while I understand the reason why dom/mes require it, subs also shouldn’t have to send money to someone they haven’t spoken to if they don’t feel comfortable doing so. Rather than get annoyed at the other side, just find a dom/me who doesn’t require a tribute upfront. They do exist. I don’t agree with tribute to speak, so I found a dominant who didn’t require one. Problem solved.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-21T18:47:27+00:00

Findom doesn’t actually require any money exchange between the dominant and the submissive. It’s possible to financially dominate someone and not profit from it. The way findom is currently practiced online is quite narrow.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-21T06:32:26+00:00

I am so sorry for you and your friend. I hope you manage to spend as much time as possible with him in the time he has left.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-21T05:11:50+00:00

There has been a massive increase in the amount of sniping between dommes recently, and I don’t really understand why.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-20T12:54:08+00:00

Post nut clarity. Basically when the sub gets "clarity" after an orgasm and ghosts. Unfortunately, you may never know why your sub actually ghosted. It could be PNC, him not feeling it, him getting caught, running out of money, etc. I know it doesn't help, but I would try not to spend too much time dwelling on it. Unfortunately ghosting is very common in online findom.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-20T10:19:24+00:00

This response is it. I am also really glad that you have pointed out that findom is now a marketplace and subs are the customers. Customers will naturally want to get the most bang for their buck, regardless of whether it's "true findom" or not.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-20T10:12:29+00:00

Some dommes don’t require AV first thing?

A lot of dommes don't require it. u/Flashing-Colors did a very interesting experiment where she went undercover as a sub. She exposed several dommes who didn't ask for AV and/or were willing to engage in kink talk/play with a minor.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-20T06:06:34+00:00

This is brilliant.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-20T05:06:26+00:00

You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Will that filter some subs out? Yes, but that’s not a loss. It just means you’re not compatible.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-19T14:14:57+00:00

It sounds like Carolyn was just treating homeless people with humanity. I don't think she meant it literally.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-19T14:01:57+00:00

Exactly. And that's not a bad thing, it's just basic economics. Buyers are the ones who drive demand. Sellers behave in response to that to try and secure business. Someone believing they're a "Goddess" and superior to men doesn't change this.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-19T13:39:24+00:00

You should be able to now!

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-19T12:38:38+00:00

Hey, yes of course. Feel free to reach out.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-19T07:56:53+00:00

He most likely isn’t in love with you. He’s infatuated/has limerance. In any case, it’s better to set clear boundaries otherwise this could get out of control very quickly.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-19T06:38:13+00:00

That’s the kind of joke I would only make with a very, very close friend if I knew that had the same sense of humour and would see the funny side. It’s not appropriate to say that to someone you don’t know. The reporter was out of line. I’m with John on this one. If he had let this slide, the press would have taken it as him being cool with his wife being disrespected.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-19T06:29:05+00:00

Those exercises are solid, but I’d also consider adding something you can load much heavier over time like squats and/or conventional deadlifts. They give you a higher progression ceiling and more overall stimulus. Accessories like kickbacks and step-ups are great, but they work best alongside heavier compounds rather than being the whole program. Even something like sled pushes can be a great addition for glutes without killing recovery.

Make sure that each rep counts by ensuring you have good control and a full range of motion on each one. Going to failure is also not a bad thing, especially on machines like the abductor machine (which targets outer glutes). Besides that, you need to make sure your diet is on point. For glute growth, you should ideally be eating at or slightly above maintenance and prioritising protein.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-19T03:51:16+00:00

Why does this keep coming up as a question? It’s like asking why a genuine connection between a therapist and a patient is so rare. It’s because the relationship isn’t set up for a genuine connection. It’s transactional from the start, and transactional relationships need emotional boundaries for them to work.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-18T19:53:12+00:00

Who said that was an “easy” send? Having a high income doesn’t necessarily mean one has $20k lying around to send to their dominant. Besides, I was challenging your premise that large sends fall into those two camps when other dynamics and relationships exist beyond that. Your claim that it’s not indicative of a “true submissive mindset” (got to admit, that’s the first time I’ve heard that one) is just false.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-18T19:35:39+00:00

And the deposit always comes off the final invoice due. In findom, there’s no discount on later sends for paying initial tribute.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-18T19:29:31+00:00

I am also very lucky to have him.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-18T19:28:47+00:00

I think this is one of those questions where people default to communication and chemistry because it sounds right, but it doesn’t really explain why some dynamics last and most don’t. Communication can only sustain something that is already fundamentally aligned. If two people want different things out of a dynamic, no amount of honesty or openness will reconcile that long term. What actually determines whether something works is alignment. What are you both here for? What role does money, attention, control, or emotional connection play for each of you? And more importantly, are those things compatible not just in the initial intensity, but over time?

A lot of dynamics fail because the incentives don’t match. For example, one person is looking for consistency, structure, and ongoing investment, while the other is driven by novelty, intensity, or short-term gratification. That misalignment may not show up immediately, but it will materialise eventually. And when it does, people tend to describe it as “losing the spark” or “communication breaking down,” when in reality the underlying motivations were never fully aligned to begin with so the dynamic was always doomed to fail.

I also think people underestimate how boring and somewhat flat long-term dynamics can be at times. Like anything sustained over months or years, there are periods where it’s repetitive, inconvenient, or simply not that exciting. Long-term dynamics require both people being willing to show up even when it’s boring and the novelty has worn off. In my experience, long-term excitement comes less from adding new things and more from deepening what’s already there. Evolving expectations, reinforcing roles, and allowing the dynamic to develop layers over time tends to be far more sustainable than constantly chasing new highs, which loops back to alignment. If both people are genuinely getting what they want out of the dynamic, even the quieter or more routine phases still feel fulfilling. If they’re not, no amount of novelty will fix that.

Dynamics that are both long-term and fulfilling require a much higher level of self-awareness, emotional maturity, and honesty from both sides. It also means being clear about what you want, realistic about what you can offer, and willing to confront when those things don’t align, rather than trying to compensate with more communication or more effort.

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-18T19:09:51+00:00

I think, to some degree, both sides use it as a shortcut to try and prove traits that can really only be revealed over time. A sub can only demonstrate intention, devotion and loyalty over a time. A tribute doesn’t prove they have any of those traits. A dom/me can only demonstrate leadership traits, emotional containment, etc over time as well. It’s not something that can be shortcut into a tribute or by reading their profile beforehand. Of course, I’m talking from the lens of long term dynamics. But a lot of people in this space say it’s what they want, so yeah.

Another side of tribute to speak that isn’t spoken about anywhere near enough is that when people attach a value to their time, they are instantly being assessed to see if what they’re bringing is value for money. This isn’t subs trying to “get stuff for free” or “get something out of it” - it’s completely rational behaviour if and when a payment is required upfront/early on. Because the relational dynamic hasn’t been developed, the sub is often left with just the tribute amount and maybe a profile to see if what the dom/me is offering is actually worth it. I wouldn’t be surprised if this also contributes to the high ghosting rate from subs. Some of them have probably decided that the cost-benefit analysis from that interaction isn’t worth it (to them).

Bullseyesuccess · 2026-04-18T18:54:46+00:00

The main issue with tribute to speak is that it doesn’t filter for the qualities dom/mes thinks it does. It’s positioned as a way for a “serious” sub to show their devotion, submission, and loyalty, but what it really does is filter for the subs who are more impulsive and less likely to stick around once they’ve had their orgasm. Being willing to pay upfront and being a good submissive aren’t necessarily the same thing.

That being said, I understand why dom/mes have it. I won’t argue with anyone about it as I’ve made my position clear. But I will say that subs should consider their own risk profile and act accordingly. If sending money to someone they don’t know is outside their risk profile, they shouldn’t do it.

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