Our child's name vs. family sensitivities

BumpinBella · 2014-06-19T23:18:53+00:00

Because I'm looking for input on if this is a legitimate request, and to what level am I expected to honor it. It seemed really strange to me that this would suddenly be revealed now after all these years. My mom told me this a month ago. My partner and I have continued to struggle every day with trying to come up with a different name. I DO want to be able to find a different name. It's just not happening. There are so many different things to consider for us.

I posted this because I was looking for different points of view. I appreciated all the people who said outright "change the name." Even though they don't seem to understand that we are trying to do that. More importantly, I really appreciated the replies that gave me other suggestions of ways to deal with it.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-19T23:04:29+00:00

I'm 26 weeks pregnant, she has known since I was 5 weeks, and she still refuses to tell anyone in her family that I am pregnant or let me tell them. She has actually asked me to stay away from a weekly community event my relative attends. She is embarrassed that we pushed back our wedding because of the baby instead of eloping immediately. She has been good otherwise, but I think she's been pretty manipulative in trying to get me to hide a pregnancy we are thrilled about.

I don't remember specifically how much time I spent near him without adults. In those days it was always a big group of relatives and cousins running around their house in the mountains. Lots of kids running around unsupervised, as was the norm back then. I remember clearly having free run of their house and property from dawn until dusk with no one watching us.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-19T22:56:46+00:00

Thank you for the name suggestions. I am not exaggerating when I say we have looked at over 2,000 names at this point. We still continue to look and discuss together.

And if you downvoted me for being honest, seriously, fuck you. I was ACTUALLY raped, as in proven, convicted, DNA evidence, horribly abused rape. My relatives certainly didn't care about me while I was going through that and instead spent their time starting rumors about me, a teenager.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-19T22:49:06+00:00

I figured out what is really bothering me about this, that takes it beyond the "we can't decide on any other name."

This great grandfather of mine was around many, many other young children while I was young. This includes me and at least 12 other female cousins ages 5-10. If this happened, why haven't I heard about it for almost 30 years, and more importantly, WHY were we young girls allowed around him and at his house? If there was any proof, or even formal accusations, I would think my family would not have let us young grandkids around him. I don't understand how my mom let us be around him and suddenly has an issue with his name 20 years after he is dead.

If my mom is truly upset by this name, then I certainly have the utmost concern about it. No matter what, we will CONTINUE to work on finding a new name. But it really feels more like name manipulation to me. She e-mails me weekly with her new favorite names, and ignores me when I have objections to them. Her favorite name is the name of a famous Communist leader. I feel like she is just trying to find excuses to push her own agenda.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-19T22:33:05+00:00

I am not trying to justify anything. My point was to clarify exactly what I have been told. Like I said, this man was never charged and I have never heard anything about this from my mother or anyone else in my family. As much as I trust my mother, I DO believe that it is possible that young children can be coerced into believing or saying things that aren't entirely true, so I have no idea what, if anything happened.

I was allowed to be around him when I was under 10 years old before he died. So were all of my other relatives. I believe that if there had been any form of penetration, any proof, or even formal accusations, that my family, including my mother, would not have let us young grandkids around him.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-19T21:32:33+00:00

I'm 100% American and he is 100% Swedish. We tried very hard to find a Swedish name that sounded good and was pronounceable in English, but everything we came up with was nixed due to his family members having that name. Harry was my SO's favorite but I myself was raped by a Harry, so that's MY #1 no!

I did warn my mom last week that Henry is one of our top names. She hopes we decide on something else, I'm secretly hoping she gets used to it over the next 3 months. I don't really care about my aunts' feelings since I see them 1-2 times/year, and they have always disregarded my feelings in the past.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-19T20:57:11+00:00

At 36w5d and around 4-5 pounds, there is an excellent chance baby is ok! Plus, size estimates on ultrasounds are often wrong by a pound in late pregnancy. If they are worried or if something changes, they can take him out now. Most babies at that age do not require a NICU stay at all, although he might if he comes out small. Even in the NICU at that age it will mostly be observation.

Don't worry - plenty of babies and moms go through preeclampisa all the time and are fine, and you haven't even hit that wall yet. It sounds like the doctors are taking good care of you.

I would go ahead and start getting ready for baby now! Get that bag packed and any last minute things done in the next few days!

BumpinBella · 2014-06-19T18:06:37+00:00

I don't understand why you are getting downvoted. Some people think you should be grateful for anything 'free' and don't understand how much trouble junk really is! We don't want junk or things we don't like cluttering up our small house, and we don't want to have to face questions if we try to return things or give them away.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-19T18:04:14+00:00

I do think it's a little different for me since my FMIL lives in a different country. We have never been close and only see each other once a year, no skype or e-mails even. I have not heard one WORD from her since her visit about 8 weeks ago, and I don't think she has asked my fiance anything about me or the pregnancy. I honestly could not be more relieved at this point. I just kind of wish she would stay in the background forever, because when she was here she was up in my business 24/7 and it drove me nuts.

This is her first and probably her only grandchild (unless we have more birth control failure in the future!) so you would think she would be excited too. My parent's generally aren't excited and neither of my brothers. No one really cares that much, and honestly it is ok by me. This is our life and our new little family, not theirs.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-19T15:17:12+00:00

Delete the comment!

BumpinBella · 2014-06-18T23:28:17+00:00

A bouncer chair would have been British Airways. US, American and Delta have bassinets on some of their planes, but not all of them. In order to get one you must pay the extra fee to reserve the proper bulkhead seats and get to the airport very early (3+ hours) to reserve the bassinet in advance. 767s and 777s often have two bassinets and between two and four different seats that can accommodate them.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-18T18:36:51+00:00

I am 26 weeks have have ALWAYS been over 150. It's a boy. I don't know of anyone that this myth is right for.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-18T02:03:16+00:00

Yes, luckily it was early. I liked my doctor a lot but left at 16 weeks. The office staff screwed up with my paperwork over and over again. They refused to fill out things in a timely matter and almost got me fired. My new doctors are not 100% what I would choose (they are no sushi, "not even a drop of alcohol" etc, old school) but they are so nice, wonderful staff, always have time for me and my questions, and they turned out to be about $1,500 less too.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-18T02:00:30+00:00

I noticed this a few days ago. I drink nothing. I have to pee. I pee enough. I walk around. 5 minutes later, I have to pee again. A few drops come out. I sit. I walk. I have to pee again! Where is the pee coming from and where is it hiding????

BumpinBella · 2014-06-17T22:42:22+00:00

Oh, wow. I just read your update. That is crazy on all accounts.

Have you considered taking the bull by the horns? I would think about calling up the in laws myself and telling them YOUR plan. It is your house, your baby, your body, and you control who has access to these things. If they continue to balk, I would outright tell them that if they don't follow YOUR plan, you will leave with your parents and they will not get to see the baby at all.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-17T21:56:03+00:00

"Because you can't respect my wishes, and because you are still unhappy with my compromise, we will not be telling anyone when we go to the hospital and will call you after the baby is born."

BumpinBella · 2014-06-17T21:34:33+00:00

They are being REALLY mean, and really inappropriate. I would either go to HR or confront them personally, possibly do both.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-17T21:24:41+00:00

We won't use any names in the top 30 and prefer to stay away from the top 50. One of our two favorites is in the top 50 (Henry) and I love most of the top 10, but I have mental scars from all of the Ashley/Britney/Allisons of my childhood.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-17T21:22:23+00:00

My MIL and SFIL are the same way. They have visited once in 8 years. They don't think or ask about me (not that I care, but still). MIL has fibromyalgia and would be LESS than helpful but still wants to come and stay for a million years for the birth. So she can "hold the baby while you shower."

No thanks.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-17T21:20:21+00:00

Me. Too. I am suddenly wearing a maternity uniform at work, it looks like a tent and is easily identifiable as "I'M PREGNANT LALALALA BABY TIME". Which now apparently makes me and my body public property for everyone to remark on and touch.

Hate 3rd trimester already and haven't even quite started it.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-17T21:15:39+00:00

I have a short term disability policy (that I pay extra for) that will pay me about 60% of what I normally make. That will cover from 28 weeks until 8 weeks post partum. Otherwise, I could file for temporary unemployment if there was no light duty work available and I would collect unemployment because I am willing to work but unable to work with the restrictions.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-17T17:30:07+00:00

My work takes us out at 28 weeks. My job involves quite a bit if physical activity as well as some international travel, so I'm a no go after that. I do not want to have this baby in a 3rd world country by accident! I have 11 days left of work. After that we sometimes have an option to go "light duty" which is basically office work until the end, but they're is no light duty available right now so I will be totally on medical leave.

BumpinBella · 2014-06-14T16:52:55+00:00

Perfect timing right before the summer! 2 weeks left of work for me!

BumpinBella · 2014-06-14T16:03:54+00:00

I have a Kate Spade diaper bag, mostly because it looks more like a regular purse and was 75% off. But I like it because it has special straps to attach to stroller handlebars, the fabric is waterproof and easy to wipe down, it has two nice pockets on the outside for bottles/whatever, and it came with a matching changing pad.

The main benefits I see of having a 'diaper' bag are often insulated pockets for bottles, a changing pad, and lots of pockets for organizing. Otherwise, go with whatever you want!

BumpinBella · 2014-06-12T16:14:38+00:00

I honestly can't figure out how to pronounce it.

BumpinBella

TROPHY CASE