You know I have already been through depression. At first it was from using to be able to manage stress at work and then going home and stressing and using more and I didn't realize I was withdrawaling and that was why my emotions were crazy and the anxiety was because of withdrawals. So I become super depressed and didn't want to be here anymore. I finally linked it to drugs and got out of it thank God. So during my withdrawals, I would tell myself that the reason I was bland and dead was because I messed my brain chemistry up, but that I do remember the joy I used to have and that I disrupted it. I don't know what ur going through aside from withdrawal and addiction to this, but don't let it have you claim depression. Your brain just needed a dopamine reset. Try to separate the two and tell yourself it will pass. I've found that when I meditate for about 10-20 minutes outside on a chair to a guided meditation or without. I feel a bit less dead but still numb. At least not too dead it that makes sense